Teardrops of Roses [Completed]

Prologue -

Things were going well at that point, jokes were being made and everyone was smiling. Sometimes though, I couldn't quite keep up with what they were really saying, but I figured if I battered my eyelids or puckered my lips often enough, they'd might mistake my shyness as cool indifference. I'd just laugh when they laugh, smile when they smile.  I don't know about Cassie or Mel but I tried my best to fit in and they seemed to approve of us and that was good enough for me.

By the the time the party really begun, my friends and I had already drank enough cups of "Cola" to get us tipsy, each time adding more Jacks to the mixture until I was eventually dared by Dave, who I'd been nervously eyeing all night, to drink a whole cup of Jacks undiluted.

He was one of the seniors who'd organised the party, not to mention a member of the school student council, therefore I deducted that he must have been a massive hot shot to have this many people turn up. I could not let him down and it would only embarrass my friends and I if I didn't see this through. No one would think to invite us out again, and gone with it would be our easy breezy high school life.

Funny huh? How pressure pressure makes you do idiotic things. I'd always thought the seniors would be a little less careless with their younger peers. Maybe it was because they thought I wouldn't go ahead with it, but like the idiot I was, of course I did.

Grabbing the Jacks straight from the half empty bottle, I downing it all instead, shocking everyone around us. I remembered swallowing huge gulps at a time, trying desperately to not puke it out right after.

It was too bloody strong, and so god damn awful!
Far out, I remembered thinking, was what drinking was really like? There was no appeal except to appeal to pressure. It tasted like absolute shit.

But I shut my eyes tight as the alcohol burned and retched in my throat. And when I was done, I flashed everyone a proud smile.

My Cassie and Melissa stood there with their mouths gaping, staring at me in utter disbelief.  Back then I couldn't believe I did it either. It was exciting, and in retrospect, I still can't believe I did it now. Not because I thought it was impressive, but because of how fucking stupid it was! I'd barely even stomached alcohol until that point. 

I was not who they thought I was, and obviously not who I thought I was either.

"Damn girl, you're fricken crazy! You alright though, babe?" Dave leans in, hands rubbing my lower back. He gave me a suggestive wink sending my wicked heart into loops, "You must hold your alcohol well. You know, I like a girl who can party. You're pretty up there for me right now."

I shrugged in response. I didn't open my mouth incase the devil's piss decided to come spewing back out, so I gave him a pathetic wink back instead that he seemed to enjoy. To my dismay, he was eventually pulled away by some of his friends as my head began to spin. 

The girls around me rushed forth giggling and hugging me in congratulation and I basked in what was my first and last moment of short-lived glory before I started to feel really nauseous. It shouldn't have come as a surprise at all.

Not wanting to revoke my hard earned respect, I told my the girls that I needed to use the bathroom and dismissed myself with a giggle, saying I drank too much 'Coca-Cola' – as if the humble brag would somehow elevate my status further. 

Instead, I half-ran-half-walked over to the closest building that I thought would provide safety from prying eyes; it was the sports shed in front of the bushes about a hundred yards away, hidden in the unlit side of the oval. The alcohol was not going to stay in much longer and I barely made it in time.

I heaved the contents of my stomach, it burning even harder than the way it came down, I began to regret taking a sip of that wretched stuff.  I regretted trying to be cool. And at that point I even regretted coming out to this stupid party. I always knew I was such a try hard, but this with how easy it was to fall into pressure, the scary thing was I could see myself doing it more in the future. I even thought how vomit it all out later, exactly like I was doing now, could still be a viable option for me.