noah centineo imagines

life's tough

『 summary: noah walks in on you self harming. 』
trigger warning

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this week has been one of stress, depression, and lots of tears. you are tired of crying in the shower so noah won't hear you, you're tired of waiting for him to fall asleep to fall apart, you're tired of faking smiles and pretending that everything's alright. it's not alright, and the trouble is that no one notices.

your boyfriend is out at the grocery store replenishing what little things you have in your fridge. you've been living together for a little over four months, and it's great. but noah works long hours and is often exhausted when he finally gets home.

currently, you're collapsed on your en-suite bathroom floor, cheeks tracked with salty tears and mascara stains. your blade is sitting comfortably in your hand, ready for use.

this blade has been there for you when no one else was. ever since you were bullied in high school a few years ago, it has distracted you from everything stressful in your life. for one moment you don't feel all the pain. all you feel is the metal gliding through your skin and the blood dripping down your arms.

you don't want to wake up anymore, you don't want to get out of bed, you don't want to carry on, you don't want to be in the state you're in. you just want to give up.

noah is your everything. he is what is keeping you in this world, trying to live, trying to be better, trying to be happy. would he still love you if he knew you cry so hard that you can't breathe? would he still love you if he knew you paint the pillows with mascara every night? would he still love you if he knew you find relief in razors instead of his arms?

you don't notice the quiet click of the front door and the rustling of plastic bags as noah packs the groceries away in the kitchen. however, the brunette notices the loud sobs of his lover as he enters the bedroom and frowns at the tear-stained pillows on your side of the bed.

"y/n, baby?" the bathroom door is shut, but the orange light spilling out from underneath it is still visible to your boyfriend. "why are you crying my love?"

you don't reply, instead focusing on the crimson fountain of blood pouring from the multiple wounds on your forearm. the red river makes you realise that everyone's the same on the inside and that you're nothing important. especially not when you can't even deal with your own stress.

noah finally pushes the door open, his soft greeny-brown eyes immediately widening in panic at your cut-up wrists. he rushes towards you, propping your exhausted, weak body up against his chest. you whine miserably when the brunette applies pressure to your cuts, the stinging sensation nagging you.

"shh, shh, you're okay baby. you're gonna be okay. look at me, i'm not going to let this happen again, okay? you can talk to me." noah reassures your shaking figure, rocking you back and forth in his arms.

"i-it's not that easy noe." you whimper, clutching onto noah's black flannel shirt. "i-i can't do anything right. i always mess up. i'm ugly and i keep being reminded of that every time i look at you. y-you're perfect baby. this makes it so much better."

"no, no, no, my love. i'm nowhere near perfect, and you of all people should know that. no one is perfect. you're beautiful and next level amazing just the way you are baby, you don't need to do this. i'm gonna help you." the angel in front of you rants tirelessly, his chocolate ringlets bouncing up and down. he holds you carefully, tilting his head down to the crook of your neck and pressing kisses to your shoulders.

"you're stunning and i love you just the way you are. don't change for anyone." you finally relax into your boyfriend's chest, taking in his words. maybe if you let him help you, everything will go back to how it was before you began feeling this way?

"promise me you won't baby." noah peppers kisses up your neck to your face, distracting you from the firm pressure against your (less severely) bleeding forearms.

"i promise babe, i love you so much. thank you for helping me. i'm sorry i didn't tell you how i was feeling in the first place." the tall boy says nothing, and you listen to the sweet silence in contentment. maybe everything will work out after all.

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thanks for reading!
ellie / ells ♡