Breaking Khanyi.

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K H A N Y I S I L E
N D L O V U
P. O .V

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I stared at the bloody body as tears fell down my cheeks. This had once been the man I loved, cherished, adored but that was over now. He was over.

I looked at ma, clung to the sofa. Had it not been for me she would have been finished. Stabbed by a ruthless man who she too, had once loved. "We need to hide him" I said finally breathing out the air I had kept in for too long. Scared that he'd hear it and somehow think that I'd disobey him. That I was getting too comfortable.

"No" ma said and for the first time in forever I suddenly felt angry. Angry at ma, at him, at everyone else and mostly angry at myself. I had lived with this stupid bastard for so many years and I didn't do anything!

I just watched him ruin whatever he could and felt okay. Watched him beat up ma to the fucken core and failed to tell him stop. To ask for help, to do just fucken anything and now thats he's dead I am standing in front of him wishing that I had done it.

Wishing that ma would have been in my room, locked safely and tucked into bed and dad would have been the one torturing me. Hitting me against walls, tables, chairs and I would have done it.
Ended his trashy life.

"We need to tell people the truth" ma spoke again and I had forgotten about her response. Forgotten that we weren't on the same page after all.

"Why did you stick around?" I asked and after a long silence that had made me believe that she wouldn't answer. She spoke.

"Your grandfather" she said and a picture of Ntate Mogolo (grandfather) quickly flashed in my mind. A royal seeming traditional man who after my dad's sudden change to a monster, became my only hope of a father. My real, true father.
"What about him?" I asked but it only came out as more of a whisper and I was scared she would notice. Notice the fact that I was too scared to lose another father, too afraid that he had somehow been involved in this and was the root problem.

"He wouldn't let me," she was crying heavily now, "I had told him everything, how he used to beat me and how desperately I needed a divorce but he didn't listen. Kept telling me it was a stage, it was a phase, that we'd be okay and it would take time but thats not what happened. Khanyi your father was once never like how he'd been and after that first punch I somehow knew deep down that I was trapped"

"But he died ma. You could have left dad after he died" I said forcing myself to not scream, to not throw her plates towards her face because what she said didn't make sense. She wanted to blame all this on my grandfather because she was a bitch. A self- centered kind of a mother who for the 100th time in her life couldn't accept her own damn mistakes!

"I couldn't" she said and I completely lost it. The tears were extreme now and I was the angriest I had ever been. What did she mean she couldn't? Was she so blinded by love that she couldn't? Had she still loved dad loved dad even after the punch? The first punch she so claims she knew would be the end. Would lead to this tragedy.

"I had lost hope Khanyi," she continued, "your father was so abusive and possessive that I-I couldn't end things with him. I had wanted to run away once, planned everything and knew everything but then... I feel pregnant and I-"

"Stop" I said, aware of everything else she wanted to say. I didn't wanna hear, I couldn't hear it. Mom was already trapped in a loveless marriage and I had made it worse. Ruined everything for her.

"I need to leave" I said, feeling the dizziness run through my entire my body. It was still pitch black outside but I didn't care.
Anything was better than that house. That blood, the atmosphere. Everything.

_________

After 25 minutes of walking in the dark, I was stunned by how much I enjoyed it. My tears had dried and I had forgotten about everything else. The wind was blowing very swiftly and nicely and I had a sudden urge that it would stay like this. That I wouldn't have to walk home and face tomorrow. That earth would just freeze with time and all other people and it would just be me. Sitting like this, forever.

Bzzz bzz my phone started vibrating and I saw that it was Katlego. She had been calling me for the past few hours and I had been deliberately ignoring her. Mainly because of dad.

"Hello" I answered and was greeted by a very loud, giggling and drunk voice that I by no doubt knew was Katlego.

"Hows it going there?" I asked surprised at the fact that her background was quiet which was weird because parties, especially Leratos, always had loud music.

"We're on our way to your crib" she said and I almost choked on my own spit.

"You what?" I said hoping and wishing that I'd hear something else. Something different.

"Hello? Khanyi?" I said but I couldn't hear her properly. It sounded as if she was giggling and laughing with someone else. Like there was a whole bunch of people with her.

"Shit" I said and after realising how little time I had, I sprinted up the hill.

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