Until We Break (Formerly Wicked, Wild, Wonderful)

Original Edition: Chapter Thirteen

THE FOX PERFORMING ARTS CENTRE SAW NAOMI ON MONDAY BEFORE ANYONE ELSE DID. Applying a quick layer of numbing gel to her toes amidst the 7:00 am Riverside air, she told herself that this day belonged to her.

She repeated it to herself over and over again like a pledged allegiance until every syllable had sunken into the curls of her brain. Then, when she entered the dance studio, she sat in the centre of the floor and inhaled. She held it inside of herself and reinforced her mind with images of the elegant Giselle performance she'd spent all night analysing. After exhaling, she declared herself powerful again before mercilessly bending her pointe shoes into submission before the rest of her body underwent the same treatment.

Naomi cut her usual stretching short in favour of practising a few techniques before the studio gained a crowd. Wind whipped up around her as she flung her body forward then back again. Her back cried as she forced it past what she was used to and her knees buckled from tire a few times, but her toes were muted. She could still go on. She even rehearsed her smile. All lips, no emotion. A dancer's bread and butter.

Shortly after, the door opened and dancers flooded inside. However, their loud chatter quickly turned to hushed whispers by the time they all saw Naomi. Pairs of eyes fell on her and immediately she had to get off pointe. To look back meant to give them something, a response. But she did not have that neither on her tongue nor anywhere else she spoke from. So Naomi quickly spun around to avoid it at once, but it was useless. She was met with the mirrored wall, and it was reflecting all their penetrating stares right back at her. It was a lot harder now to not see that she was a weed amongst a garden of white flowers.

Most of the crowd stepped in and walked around her, similar to the way someone might walk around a standstill pitbull. Faking normalcy. Nevertheless, as she tried to pick apart their whispers and looks, Naomi concluded that they all knew how horribly she danced on Saturday. In some voices, she caught envy, in others, disappointment. The entire Riverside Dance Academy was a critic.

Naomi caught herself breathing unevenly and sank her teeth into her bottom lip. She would not go down that easily. Naomi Morgan flushed her brain of everyone's opinion by populating it with the dance routine. That was what she needed to focus on. She still had the lead, she still had a chance. No one was in her way. Naomi shamelessly resumed her own rehearsal and every time she overheard a whisper or glanced at an unimpressed look, she danced even harder. She used it to fuel herself. That must be what Jessica and Misty Copeland and other every other talented dancers did.

The studio doors slammed open in the middle of Naomi's turn. Her body rocked back onto her ankle. However, she recovered quickly, bouncing back up onto her soles. She took just a fraction of a second to inspect her foot but under the satin of her pointe shoes, she couldn't make out much of the swelling and bruises and she hardly felt it thanks to the numbing gel, so she simply ignored it.

Mr Carson stormed in and the class fell silent. He didn't speak but his hardened features told everyone what he wanted to say. He was not happy. Mr Carson discarded his sunglasses, training his eyes on each dancer before throwing them at his intern. When all the dancers found a barre, his eyes lastly landed on Naomi. The air in the studio suddenly chilled over. His lips curled in anguish and his eyes narrowed. The other students looked at them both.

"Stance. Ladies, en pointe."

Naomi obeyed his instruction, glancing at herself in the mirror. Bagged eyes and messy hair, but nothing that could not be fixed. In her peripherals, she caught a flicker of movement. Someone was looking back at her. Aspen, her blonde hair precise and her smile even more careful.

Naomi regained focus.

For the next two hours, Naomi danced without peace of mind. She didn't stretch properly because she couldn't sit still and she didn't warm up right because everyone's icy gazes were busy carving disappointment into her skin. By the time it was her turn to do her solo, she was already exhausted. But she refused to stop. So, she stood up and stepped forward and just like she promised Ben, she chose to dance.

When she began, Naomi Morgan was alive with all her troubles. But every turn landed her somewhere she didn't expect and every jump felt like she was heading for a wall. She realized quickly, that her problems weren't fuel, they were heavy pebbles on a gas pedal and now she was going full speed.

"Ignore it," Jessica said indignantly. She appeared at the front of the class, next to the intern. Her lips curled into a smile and nodded at Naomi with reassurance.

Naomi held her breath and reverted her gaze.

Mr Carson shouted, "Yes, Naomi! Feel!"

"Ignore him."

"Feel it!"

"Don't."

"Just like that! Express that emotion, Naomi!"

Jessica walked nearer. "Naomi, don't."

She tried to regain control, and for a moment, she did. But then into her turns, she saw Mr Carson's excited gaze. Then, she saw Jessica rolling her eyes. Folding her arms. Pursing her lips. Standing on 6th street. Laughing. Walking. Running across the road without a care. Getting thrown into the air. Landing on the asphalt. Blood pooling around her head.

In a wobbly turn, Naomi's feet gave way at the exact time her voice shattered. She crumpled helplessly to the floor, folding twice over in an agonizing scream. She and everyone else in the Fox Performing Arts Centre at that moment became aware of it all; as a result, her tears would not end and no one could really speak.

Sprawled on the floor, Naomi Morgan was naked. Exposed. The layers she'd worn this whole time had fallen away as if she had finally lost enough weight that nothing could fit her anymore.

The rest of the Riverside Dance Academy separated themselves from Naomi Morgan as she took to the hardwood floor and cried for an eternity.

Author's Note
On another extremely sad note, guys Mac Miller is dead. I'm not okay... 😭

However, the dedication for this week must go to @Kiawathekpop bc I swear, her dedication is unmatched! Her level of spam! Nice comments! I love her to death! Every time I see her comment my heart grows a little. Ilysm thank you for your support!

So, what did you guys think? Did you expect Naomi to move on or were you waiting for this breakdown? What do you think will happen now? What will change? Did you love Mac Miller? So much to discuss! Let me know in the comments!

IN THE NEXT CHAPTER...

One deep breath. Two. A third, and soon a fourth. Naomi Morgan counted today as the day that she died...