thief | peter kavinsky

nineteen

It was difficult to wrap my head around Peter's emotions. In the beginning, he said that he loved me. He said he wanted to be with me. But an hour ago he rejected me, while also making a move on me. I didn't know what to do. All of this was just too confusing for me.

I rubbed my hands together and sighed, scooting closer to the fireplace. I hear footsteps coming down the stairs and I instantly panic. If I get found outside of my room I'll be kicked out. Well, that means I won't have to face Peter for at least another day.

I brace myself for the yelling and lecture, but when the footsteps stopped in front of me, none of that happened. A warm blanket is wrapped around my cold body, and Cody sits down beside me.

"Hey." His voice was raspy, he must have just woken up.

I look over to him and try my best to smile, but everything was just crumbling before me. So instead, the smile twists into an ugly sob. I let out a choked cry and lean into his chest. He holds me and nods, not asking,just rubbing my back.

"It's alright." He holds me tighter.

He allowed me to cry for as long as I wanted until I pull away from his sweatshirt. Honestly, we were only getting farther apart in our friendship lately. But even so, he was always there when I needed him. Maybe that's why I liked him so much, because he was always there for me.

But it feels different this time. I don't feel the need to impress him. I don't want to engage in anything further than just hugging my friend. Why is it that when I finally get a shot after years of obsessing over him, I don't feel anything anymore? Why?

Peter Kavinsky. That's why. He came into my life and fucked me over. I swear, that kid has it out for me. He probably wanted to get hit by my bike just so he can annoy me for the rest of eternity.

"Listen, I know that you and Peter are a thing. And I get that. So I won't get in the way." Cody acknowledges, giving me a warm smile.

"We're not a thing. Don't call it that." I shudder at the label.

Cody rolls his eyes at my stubbornness and obliviousness. "You love him, don't you?"

I don't reply to his question, not because I don'y know the answer, but because I do. I'm tired of this back and forth game. I've been avoiding it for so long, I've dreamt about telling him my feelings for so long. So why do I feel so scared?

"Then tell him." He reads my mind.

I looked up at him, "But he stole something of mine."

"What?" His eyebrows furrow in curiosity.

"My heart."

"Oh for fuck's sake."

I chuckle at his reaction, leaning back into his welcoming shoulder. He rubs my back sweetly, and I'm glad that we're nothing more than friends. I'm pretty sure we were meant to be just that and nothing more. I just wish that I knew that before I spent years obsessing over him.

So I made a decision, right then and there, with the help of Cody, to do what I dreamed of.

❀

I knocked gently on his door, not wanting to harshly wake him up if he was sleeping. Which I doubted very much, but I would rather be safe than sorry. I heard shuffling on the other side of the door, then the door slowly cracked open.

Peter stands in his pajamas with half shut eyes, slouched. He stunk of chlorine, meaning he just changed from the hot tub swim wear. I began shaking, literally, my knees becoming jelly. I could never understand why I get nervous every time this topic pops up. I say it every day; to my friends, my mom and dad, my dog, my sister.

"What are yo-"

"I love you." I blurt, almost falling over with the words.

He catches me and stops me from stumbling onto the ground. He grabs my elbows and pulls me up to height with him, "What did you just say?"

"I love you." This time it easily rolled off my tongue, like I've said it to him a million times and they were just regular words. But they certainly were not.

"I love you too." He says back, a small smile forming on his lips.

The same smile forms on mine. It's finally happening-- this is real. I'm in love with Peter Kavinsky. This isn't a dream.

"Who's that?" A small voice says from the corner of the room.

Lara Jean.