Imagine || N.H

twelve.

NOELLE

I stand over the railings, my forearms feeling the cold metal under it. Taking a swig out of my Budweiser, the liquid leaving a bitter but refreshing citrus taste on my tongue. I hear faint laughs and cheering as the boys are watching football inside. Myself choosing to grab some fresh air for a while, walking out to Niall's balcony.

The sun has gone down, only the moon, stars and few lantern-like lights, giving me vision and a sight to see. It was typical London, you could see buildings lighting up and of course the famous Big Ben and London Eye.

It was eccentric that I'm here. Usually I would be running around doing my attending's orders and going in and out of the O.R for surgeries that I almost always look forward to. For the past 4 years that's what I was doing. I never really had a proper hang out with "new" friends, with co-residents yeah, but I don't consider them new it's been 4 years after all.

It was a constant cycle of wake up, feed the children, let Luke send them to pre-school (sometimes me), go to work, go home and repeat it all over again. We travel constantly but it was usually a 2-3 day trip with the kids and when we get to our destination it was mostly business related so I never really had a proper rest like this.

But it's funny because along with the proper rest I've been deprived with for so long is leaving my head clouded and chest heavy. You know that moment where you're just so confused because this person just left you and showed up 4 years later acting like absolutely nothing happened and you just don't know what to feel? I'm a hundred percent sure that there are no feelings anymore but feels like you somehow need an un-needed explanation?

I know there's pent up anger for him, god a lot of those but it was mostly emptiness because I just don't understand how you could one day tell this person that they are your whole world and the next leave them with a shattered heart with no explanation? Not even an apology.

I lifted my hand and touched my neck where the purple hickey is and mutter, "Fuck"

I'm still mad at Harry, assuming making Zayn give me a hickey was his way of revenge towards me because I made him do thirty push-ups was just dense. It was also my fault, I know. I let him do it when he asked for consent because my stupid ass pride is too high to look like a coward from accepting a stupid dare that was meaningless for Niall.

"god, why? Why! Fuck." With the beer in my left hand, I drink a mouthful and shake my head. Swallowing the liquor, feeling the cold liquid run down my throat. I tilt my head back, letting the wind blow my hair and cool my warm neck. I let out a heavy sigh and close my eyes.

Hearing the balcony doors open and close and someone walking up to me didn't faze the relaxing time I was having. I kept my eyes closed and my focus on my breathing.

"Hey", I open my eyes and turn my head, letting out a breath. "Hey"

I gave him a tight lipped smile, once again looking out at the view.

"Noelle, I'm sorry"

I blink twice and look at him. Taking in his facial features, his jet-black hair, his stubble, his hazel eyes shining from the light the moon was shining down. The face of the person I once loved.

"Okay" I whispered out, looking into his eyes. I slowly nod, looking away, "Okay" I repeat.

"Noelle I-I messed up" In the corner of my eye I see him run his hand over his face, "I messed up really bad and I-" he lets out a breath. "And I'm just so sorry"