L A B A L A

viii: choke on chanel no. 5

I shouldn't be trending on every damn social media, I shouldn't be having people saying to take him back, I shouldn't have people saying to slice his tires. None of this should be happening right now, not right now, I was supposed to be drowning in the fact that I kissed a taken man and I liked it, who am I kidding I fucking loved it. But no, I'm thinking about this man who didn't deserve any piece of my brain, but he had it all.

Why am I contemplating on unblocking him on everything, why am I missing him, why am I missing his lips. Why am I thinking about taking him back, because of a fucking apology, what am I...a sucker? Majesty Jewels is no sucker, I have been a sucker for too long, I have played devil's advocate for too fucking long.

Hearing my door ring I snapped my head towards the door and I wanted to take my anger out on any and every one, I don't give a damn if it was fucking Girl scouts, I was going to throw the boxes back in their faces and tell them to leave and never come back.

Storming to the door I swung it open to see Clarence in the bones, in a hoodie and sweatpants with glasses on, yeah no one was going to see his 6'7 ass going into my apartment building, taking off his glasses he looked at me with those green eyes that made me fall in love with him in the first place. Those were my eyes, my green eyes, the ones he showed to only me, he was mines and no one else's, "I'm sorry Antoinette."

Biting my lip a tear slid down my cheeks, the anger was replaced by sadness, and just as my knees were going to meet the floor he rushed forward and wrapped his arms around my body, crying into his abdomen I gripped at the hoodie, these were my arms, the tears that were falling down my face were for him. This wasn't fair, he didn't play fair, he never did he liked to cheat he knew that he was my weakness, he knew that he could do no wrong in my eyes, he was my lifeline, "Why are you here?"

Looking up at him he looked down at me with sorrowful eyes something new to me because every time he cheated on me he never had these eyes, his green eyes had taken on a darker shade and they looked red as if he had been crying himself, "Because I fucked up and I did everything to you that I said I wouldn't." Shutting the door behind him he picked me up and my legs wrapped around his waist sitting down on the couch he leaned forward, and our faces were mere inches apart, "I don't expect for you to take me back after I embarrassed, cheated, and put my hands on you."

"Why? Why did you cheat, why did you do all of those things to me, I did nothing to you Clarence but love you and give you my whole world was I not enough for you?" I sniffled as I wrapped my hands around his neck.

Pulling me to him he nuzzled himself into my neck, "I was fucked up, it was a combination between the drugs, alcohol and not taking my pills."

Closing my eyes I knew what I was doing was wrong, I was making excuses for him and I was playing the devil's advocate once more. It killed me that I was doing this, that he had made me feel this way, that I wanted to kiss him until I couldn't breathe anymore, "Why didn't you tell me you were bipolar Clarence?"

Wiping my tears away with the pad of his thumb he shook his head, "Because I wouldn't be perfect in your eyes anymore and I didn't want you to lose that vision of me, but I ended up turning into a monster and destroying ya trust."

"Who called it off and be honest with me Clarence." I said regaining my composure.

Rubbing the small of my back he admitted, "To be honest she woke me up, and when she said she had, had enough because while I was getting better mentally I didn't want to go out and party after every game anymore, she didn't want what I wanted and it didn't help that we would argue over you every time you updated your blog she would be on it and making little comments about you, and I knew then that I wasn't over you because I took up for you," Putting his forehead to mine he said, "I never got over you she wanted the me who was sick and you want me for me you've never asked for anything and you've always been my everything."