New York City... The city that never sleeps, where you could hear people talking no matter the time or place. Even a normal human could get sensory overload easily while out on the streets.
Tony loved the city though, he loved the horrible people in it that would curse each other out or yell in strange languages. He loved the constant chatter that could block out his inner demons, shutting out the voices that sounded suspiciously like his dad telling him he was never good enough.
The only time that Tony didn't like the chatter was when it was coming from a sixteen-year-old boy in a spandex onesie that was in the middle of battle.
"Hey, Mr. Stark, do you think drinking thirty-six cans of redbull consecutively would make my spidey-senses even more heightened, or would I just die?"
"Damn it, Spider-Man, now is not the time for this!"
The enhanced villain that they were fighting stopped his punch in midair, glancing between the two. "No, let him finish..."
Peter dropped to the ground a little away, his hands in the air. "Thank you! I've been wondering this all day! Now that I'm enhanced, I should be able to handle it, right?"
"Why not test it out?" The villain pointed to a store down the block, "I'm sure they have enough to try-"
The man was cut off by Iron Man's repulsor beam hitting him in the back, knocking him to the ground. Spider-Man shot a web bomb at him, keeping him in place on the roof of the warehouse. He looked at Iron Man and Tony just knew that the kid was smiling behind that mask.
"Do you always have to come up with weird ideas while in the middle of fights?"
"I'll take that as your answer being I'd probably die?"
"Kid..." Tony shook his head as he lifted into the air and started to fly away, "We really need to work on your battlefield etiquette."
"Wait, Mr. Stark!" Peter called, waving a hand after his mentor, "I need to know! Would I die or get stronger? Mr. Stark?"
Tony would never admit it out loud, but this boy was giving him gray hair. He already had five... He suspected that within the next four years, he'd be fully gray. Being near Peter would ruin his very good good looks.
The others understood Tony's hassle, most of them having paired up with Peter at some point in time to help him out with normal crimes like gang wars and murderers. All of them have dealt with Peter's seemingly pointless babble and the struggle that was literally Peter's mouth.
"And then he just asked if he would die if he drank too much of this dumb energy drink! I had to take down the enhanced while he was distracted by Peter's randomness before the kid got hurt." Tony ranted, tossing his arms in the air in frustration. "It's like he can't control his mouth during risky situations!"
"Wait..." Steve looked up, his eyebrows furrowed. "You said you took down the enhanced criminal while he was distracted by what Peter said?"
"Yeah, like we always do."
Nat sat up in her chair, catching on to what Steve was implying. "Peter always brings up something random when we're in the middle of a fight, and that topic always makes the target hesitate or freeze long enough for us to attack."
"So you're saying that he does this on purpose?" Tony asked, his voice laced with doubt.
"I wouldn't be surprised," Scott started, "It's a good tactic. When we all first met Spider-Man in Berlin, he couldn't stop talking. Sam and Bucky were so taken off guard by his chatter that they were easily brought down and stuck to the floor. When you ramble on about strange things, no one takes you seriously and therefore you can easily fool them into thinking you're weaker than you really are."
The group blinked at Scott, frowning slightly in confusion. "That was... wow, Scott."
"What?" Scott shrugged, looking around at the group. "It's true. They do say that words are some of the best weapons."
"Use your words to confuse the enemy then take them out while they're recovering," Natasha nodded, chuckling. "Kid's even smarter than we thought."
"I can't believe this..." Tony rolled his eyes, "So all this time that he's rambling, he's actually pulling off some really elaborate plot to distract us all?"
"Doesn't he tend to talk a lot more when he's hurt?" All eyes went to Clint, the man leaning back on the sofa and meddling with a pen. "And when he's trying to hide something from us. I'm just saying, Scott has a point. I knew someone back in the CIA that did the same thing, he would talk on and on while his partner set up the perfect shot. It's brilliant because no one expects it."
Natasha smirked a bit, knowing full well who Clint was talking about. It really did explain a lot about Peter and how he is...
Tony's phone started ringing, the song something Tony had custom made just for Peter. "Speak of the devil..." He chuckled before answering, "What's up, kid?"
"Hey, Mr. Stark..." Peter started, the sound of people grunting in the background, "Do you think, hypothetically, if I drank bleach like a smoothie I would die, or would my healing factor take care of it? MJ said I would die, Ned said I wouldn't; so you're the deciding vote."
Tony took a deep breath as he rubbed his temple, listening as Peter called his name on the line. "Please tell me you didn't call me in the middle of a fight just to ask me that?"
"Um... no?"
Tony sighed, running a hand through his hair as he definitely heard someone yell 'eat this, Spider-Man' in the background before a loud explosion went off.
"Mr. Stark?"
"Just how hypothetical is this, kid?" There was silence for a while as Tony felt another sigh building up, coming close to cursing the kid for all the gray hairs he was gaining. "Tell me exactly where you are right now."
There was no way that Peter's ramblings were part of a master plan. Absolutely no way.
A/N: I love IronDad and SpiderSon too much... Tony keeps taking over my chapters... Help... This isn't good for the purpose of this story.
I've been looking into backstories of a lot of the Avengers, and I have to say... Clint. Wow. Man, that... I kinda feel bad for the guy. Comic book Clint is so different from movie Clint. I'm honestly shocked. And Bruce... I've always loved him, but now my heart bleeds for him. His childhood... ugh. Peter's back story....... let's just say I've got another story cooking now because of him.
