the weeping crow | kamui x reader

c h a p t e r t h r e e

The gentle caresses in [Name]'s hair from the vermillion haired male kept her at ease as her body leaned against his chest. So many questions scattering in her thoughts though didn't know where to start. It had been about ten minutes since their reunion alone together in his room within Housen's mansion. She saw right through his facade he put on yet at the same time questioned herself wether or not it was. The sound of his heartbeat made her mentally sigh in relief knowing he was still alive this entire time since the incident. She wondered what he'd been through since he left—had he made enemies? Has he been taking care of his health? Has he seen anyone recently? The thought of it made her visibly frown.
"Whatcha thinking about?" Kamui asked, breaking the silence. He felt her tense in his arms as her head adjusted against his chest. His gaze followed down to her face seeing that she had a slight pout to which he smiled at, find it adorable in his eyes. "Will you come back?" She whispered out with such ominosity and insecurity that she felt as though she already knew the answer but wanted a confirmation anyway, hoping it wouldn't be true. She had such high hopes that even she felt as though she needed to lower her expectations sometimes. His smile fell from his lips and his hand that held her [color] locks ceased and wrapped around her arm to gently grip around it.
"You know I can't," he answered bluntly as his baby blue eyes bore into hers. Her eyebrows furrowed at his reply, anxiety starting to swell in her stomach. She placed the palm of her hand against his chest and tilted her head up high towards him, "Kamui, you—" her voice was cut short as he removed her from his lap and stood up to face away from her. She watched as he headed towards the tatami doors to slide it open for him to exit. "I'll see you later. I have plans with Housen." Before he could take a step across the line from the door she quickly got to her feet, glaring at his back and fought hard to stop her clenching fists to punch him square in the face. "So that's how it is, huh," she managed to speak despite of how little she felt in that moment from such intensity and aggression starting to arise in the air around them. With effort, she managed to control her voice, "You're just going to continue running away, is that it? You're going to continue leaving me behind like that? Continuously feeding yourself and those around you with lies to make yourself feel better about yourself?" The silence in between them was eating away at her being. She wanted to get through to him, she wanted to grasp of what once remained. She wanted to reach deep into that abyss where the truth lied dormant yet every time she did she couldn't properly succeed. Kamui was a stubborn one. So stubborn it was beyond frustrating.
He angled his body and head slightly to stare at her, "Y'know," he began, "meeting you again was a mistake." With that he slid the door shut behind him. After what seemed like a minute she felt it becoming harder to breathe, she felt her body shaking and lips beginning to tremble. Her jaw clenched and her hands did so even tighter than before. The god damn nerve he had. The coldness in his voice and the deadliness he held in his eyes. "Yeah," she whispered to herself. "Guess it was."
After the entire mess of freeing Hinowa, reuniting Seita with her, the defeat of Housen from Gintoki and the light brought back to Yoshiwara, [Name] didn't dare to send Kamui one last glance when he left after speaking with Gintoki of how he was going to defeat him the next time they met. Kamui took notice of this and sent her his signature smile. "Till we meet again."
Why did he always have to act like that? Like nothing was wrong or out of place? Why couldn't he see the messes he's made? The things he's done and what he's said left an aching feeling inside of her that wouldn't go away. When she got back home to the Yorozuya with the others Kagura had an unwavering worried expression on her face. She knew [Name] and Kamui had a more, personal, encounter together and for that she was curious of what went down between them. "[Name]," she asked, "what happened?" The [color] haired woman gave her a reassuring smile, "Nothing much, don't worry about it. He didn't care about me, anyway." Of course Kagura didn't believe her right off the bat but to save the trouble of making her more uncomfortable that she already was, she decided to bite down on her thoughts and swallow them. Maybe in due time she'd confess. She knew whatever happened, it affected her terribly to make her look so sullen and completely wrecked.
That night [Name] tried to repel the memory of what happened—the words, his touch and his warmth that felt against her own flesh. The way his lips moved across her own and finger tips sliding against her cheek to wipe away the tears that spilled out.
She threw the JUMP magazine on the couch, that she had been reading, and made her way to the bathroom. She locked the door behind her as she entered, discarding all of her clothing to ready herself a bath after washing off her body. She sunk herself into the bath water as her head rested against the bathroom walls. Though trying hard to clear her mind, it kept running back to memories of him. Just those few words he said left a huge impact on her. Sucking in a breath and narrowing her eyes at the ceiling, she brought a hand to her chest where her heart was beating. With a shaky breath, she finally let out the silent sobs that poured from her aching heart.

Kamui stared out the windows of the Harusame ship, his thoughts wondering from incidents from earlier. He'd never admit it but he felt more guilt pilling upon him from what he said and done. She'd prolly never look at him again. Look at him with those welcoming eyes and comforting smile. He was giving more reasons for her to hate him and that's the last thing he'd ever want. He knew there was likely no way to ever fix what he's done but he planned to somehow make it up when they met again. But his heart kept hardening by the minute, his eyes growing colder and hands getting dirtier. He'll keep getting stronger, stronger than anyone. Yet to do so he would have to throw away the things most precious to him. They'll only get in the way of his goal. He didn't need such unnecessary things in life. Yeah. He didn't need them. He only needed himself and himself alone.

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Once you've become more clouded than the moon, eventually you'll lose sight of what's most important to you, especially yourself.