Usually, it is said that love heals a person, it is a source of happiness, it brightens your day and gives you a hope for moving forward. Is it actually true? Is love truly that magical? Or the movies, series, and dramas we've been watching have made us feel like that? "True love" according to me, means that you fall in love with a person gradually (or instantly) and wish to spend your life with them and be faithful and loyal. Is it easy to find love like this today? Just give it a thought, is it easily available? No. Of course no! Good things take time but what if they take time longer than your lives?
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What's a typical stereotype of a romantic relationship? Boy meets girl or girl meets boy, they talk, they laugh, they connect, they exchange numbers. They chat and chat. The messages don't stop, these messages don't give a fuck about the sun or moon. The messages become sweet, caring, steamy, dirty, funny, thoughtful, worrisome. Finally, they become voice notes and from voice notes, they become voice or video calls. But, in my case, I never met the man who I fell in love with. I just chatted with him because that was the only thing which made me feel close to him. India and America aren't neighbours, you see.
Seriously, who was I before falling in love with him?
I was a teenager who enjoyed life. I was someone who paid attention to aspects of life other than love and relationships. I was a girl who cherished my singularity and was happy with keeping crushes. I was a girl who loved doing things which brought joy to me for a long time. I watched anime, watched movies, but I was never glued to my phone. I was a person who cherished everything I had ever got in life- from my parents, from my friends, from my sister. I gave importance to breathing (honestly, breathing does help a lot).
I was a girl who valued and loved my sleep.
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Who was I when I fell in love with him?
I was a girl who became friends with insecurity, inferiority, anxiety, stress. I became a suspicious person who didn't trust things easily. I gave myself dark circles. Tears just loved me and would pay me a surprise visit at any time. I became a horny person who just thought about sex all day with this person. I developed weird fetishes and fell in love with the concept of dominance. I wanted a Lolita type of romance with him, as our age gaps were fit for the "Lolita" concept. He was an old manuscript, I was a fresh magazine. I took the "daddy" concept on a whole new level. I wanted him to chase me, crave me, be obsessed with me. I wanted to be his goddess. But I wanted to be his slave in bed. I became an insane person. I was on my phone 24/7. I wanted him all over my body. It was me who craved for him, something which was opposite for the first 3 months.
