saved me | awsten knight

Chapter Twenty-Seven ; Lost and Found

His name shone brightly on my phone's screen, filling my entire body with happiness. Sitting up on the bed, I looked over at the door to make sure it was closed. This room was almost pitch black, the only thing giving off light was a fake candle sitting on a dresser. Who knows how long it's been there.

A slider to help me decide what I wanted to do right now. Obviously, I slid it all the way over to the right side, accepting the call.

"Hello?" That being the first thing I've said to him since our fight.

Just the sound of his voice made my stomach churn, missing the noise. "Why me?" He whispered. It made me happy that he was safe, but that feeling was slowly leaving as I heard what he had to say. "I knew I didn't deserve you."

Throwing the blankets off my body, I dangled my feet off the bed. "Awsten, where are you?" My voice was low, wishing Robert wouldn't hear me.

"I wasn't lying when I said I loved you." In the background, I could hear the sound of a television show. It was nice to know that he was keeping himself busy. It also let me know that he was at his place.

"Do you really think I don't love you?" I asked, knowing there were tears building up in my eyes. "Really, Awsten? I love you so goddamn much." Pushing myself off the bed, I opened the door and quickly walked down the hallway to the exit.

Robert was still watching the television when I rushed passed. "What's going on?" He urged, directing all his attention on to me. After I mouthed "It's Awsten," he nodded, understanding that I had to go.

"You don't deserve me, I'm serious. You deserve better." By now, I had tears rolling down my cheeks, falling onto the ground as I ran to my car. "You're crying?" He mumbled, lowering his voice.

Starting up my car, I didn't care who was behind me, I backed up, wanting to get to Awsten as fast as I could. My phone laid on my dash, one stop away from falling.

"You're the best boyfriend I could ever ask for, Aws," I cried, letting the tears roll freely, even if it blocked my vision. "Stay where you are, okay?"

Getting to the streets I recognize, I knew Awsten's building was only a few minutes away. "My head hurts," his voice came through the phone. "Not like a headache. I've been thinking too much."

Turning onto his street, I drove into the parking lot and slammed my door, not caring that it was late out and people are trying to sleep. Holding my phone in my hand, I made sure Awsten was still on the line.

"I mean like, I've been thinking about a lot of things." Pressing Awsten's floor number, my foot bounced, wanting the elevator to close faster. "Without Waterparks no one would know about me. I'm just another body in the streets."

The elevator brought me up to his floor, opening the door a little too slow for my liking. Right as there was enough space for me to squeeze through, I slid into the hallway, speed-walking down to the end of the hall, where his apartment was.

"Open the door, Awsten," I demanded, not having reached his door yet. The vibration of my voice echoed throughout the hall. Dimming lights and fraying carpet, this place was surely taken out of a horror novel.

Seconds passed and Awsten had the courage to speak, "It's unlocked." I know he didn't get up to unlock it, so it must have been unlocked this entire time. Turning the knob, I closed it behind me and ended our phone call.

The living room was dark and his kitchen was messy. An empty pizza box laid on his dinner table, a half-drunken cup of soda beside it. Three plates sat in the sink, stacked on top of each other so it wasn't too cluttered.

From his bedroom held the only source of light in this apartment, coming from the bottom of his door. Slowly, I pushed the door open, revealing Awsten hiding underneath his blankets, only his head visible so he can watch what was on his television screen.

When he saw me, I knew he wasn't comfortable with me being around after what he said to me on the phone. Speaking what's on your mind is all fun and games until you see the person you said all of it to on the phone, then you know it was a mistake.

"Hey..." He muttered, regretting calling me now. "It's fine you don't have to be here, just go home-"

"You've always felt like home to me," I repeated his words from the morning before. Gazing into his eyes, he looked surprised at my response. If I eyed him long enough, I'd see that his eyes were turning red, just like mine were.

With his lips slightly parted, he looked at me like I was the moon and all the stars. Like I was an angel that was sent down to save him - which is what he thinks I am. 

Walking to him, he didn't bother to throw the sheets off of his burning body, he was in too much shock. A call to arms is what I am for Awsten, I need to let him know everything's okay.

Shifting under the blankets with him, I knew neither of us wanted this to be awkward. We need to talk about the important things, and that can't happen unless it gets even a little awkward. As I laid my head on the pillow, I took my time to examine him. He couldn't keep his eyes off my lips, craving to touch them after this entire day.

"I'm sorry," he started. "I thought agreeing with things you say would make you like me more. I promise that after all of this I'm going to tell you everything I'm thinking."

"Everything?" I rested my hand on his cheekbone, rubbing my thumb under his eye. When he nodded to confirm, I took that as my chance. "How are you feeling, Aws. Tell me all the things you've wanted to tell anyone."

Having to think about him having negative thoughts makes me upset, I know he doesn't deserve this. With all the happiness he brings to me and thousands of others, he is the one person that should never have to deal with cold thoughts. 

"Can we talk about this tomorrow?" He sighed, understanding that I want to make sure he's okay. "Right now I want to stay here with you and watch my favourite show."

Pressing my head against his chest, we had our eyes glued on the bright screen, straining our eyes but that didn't matter to us. One thing that did matter is that we were together now and happy. Awsten still had a little bit of an uncertainty with himself. He knew he had to tell me what was going on in that head of his, he had to know that delaying talking about his mental health is doing more harm than it is good.

The sound of his heartbeat was enough to calm my own down, comforting me about him really being here. Those hours being without him felt like an eternity. I spent all my time wondering about him, where he could be and what he was doing. If he was safe.

The episode of The Office ended, making him turn off the television, placing the remote by his bedside table. Wrapping his arm around my body, I wished that I brought pyjamas so that his touch was closer to my skin. I bet he wishes the same thing.

The silence got my mind whirling around my life. I fell in love with the lead singer of a pop-rock band that also looked cute with colourfully dyed hair. He cares more about the people around him than he does about himself. With a sensitive side and a serious side, he was everything I've ever wanted.

Almost as if Awsten was thinking about me, he said, "I'm so glad you found me."

Those words got my emotions rattled, as tears took no times to flow. They landed on Awsten's shirt, soaking through.

"Oh, God," Awsten whispered, wiping his fingers across my cheek, rubbing the water into my skin. He sat up, cradling me in his arms."Why are you crying?" His voice came out soft, afraid to speak any louder. He saw blue in my mood while I saw yellow in his.

"I love you," I sobbed, pulling myself closer to him. My face pressed against his body, wanting to be as close to him as I could. "I love you so much, Awsten Knight."

That night we fell asleep with me on top of Awsten's chest and him smiling, admiring how he got blessed. Tomorrow, I can't wait to see him again. I hope I see him in my dreams tonight.