Porcelain Roses || Solby

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I'm pretty sure everyone stopped breathing in one everlasting second.

TJ burst out laughing. "Really? Who is it then? Does she "go to a different school"?"

I glared at him, then glanced down at Sam who was staring at the ground with wide eyes. I glanced at the other members of our table. "Piper."

Piper looked at me wildly but instantly calmed herself. She sighed and nodded. "It's true." 

TJ laughed. "You can't expect me to believe that!"

"Leave the kid alone, TJ. You're wrong for once!" Someone yelled from one of the tables. A murmur of agreement rose up as everyone began eating again. 

TJ growled but his friend pulled him back down to sit. I sat too, sighing in relief.

"What the heck was that, Colby? What am I supposed to do now?" Piper hissed almost silently.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I was trying to protect Sam. Now people know I'm gay and that's fine, but Sam's literally so far in the closet he's finding Christmas presents."

Piper snorted, then sighed. "I get it. It's just that I won't get anyone interested now."

I scoffed. "Did you before?"

"No...."

I chuckled and glanced at Sam, my mood changing instantly. "Sam?"

He was gripping his hands in tight fists and he stared blankly at the ground. Scarlette and Piper instantly caught on and watched quietly.

"What's wrong, Sam?" I waved a hand carefully in front of his eyes and he didn't even move.

Lunch ended and everyone got up, and I've never been so relieved for the commotion. I helped Sam out of his chair and he snapped out of it, instantly shaking and whimpering. I rushed him out and found an empty room for us to sit in. Scarlette and Piper stayed behind, sensing Sam's distress and letting me handle it. 

"Sam, talk to me. Are you okay? How can I help?" 

He didn't reply, still looking shaken and utterly terrified. It almost looked as if he was having a nightmare in the middle of the day. He often twitched and whimpered in his sleep and I knew he had trouble sleeping, but in the day? His eyes darted around as though unseen enemies were closing in on him. He shut his eyes tightly.

We just sat there for a solid amount of time, him tightly grasping my hand and me watching him for any sign that he might be doing better. He slowly calmed down after I started rubbing his back.

"Hey," I said gently.

He let out a long breath. "I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

He nodded. "That happens sometimes."

"You mean this isn't the first time?" I was shocked.

"No, it's b-been going on for a while. They're panic attacks, I don't think they're very serious."

"If you're shaking and terrified for 5 minutes it's serious!" 

He shrugged. "It's kinda just... I don't want to deal with it. It helps with my- my stuttering for some reason too, so it's not all bad."

There was a pause.

"Why do you get panic attacks?"

Sam tensed and I squeezed his hand, urging him to tell me. "It's a long story."

"I can afford to skip a class if it means I can hear about you." I glanced at him as he blinked for a while, trying to decide.

He took a deep, shuddering breath. "Okay, here goes. Well, you know I was at a d-different school before I came here. In that school, I was pretty much an outcast. I had... A friend. He was my b-best friend, his name was Hayden. We hung out all the t-time, and it's hard to remember a day where I didn't see him. We always stayed at his house, for some reason. Long story short, he's the reason I found out I was... Um, g-gay. I had a pretty big crush on him, it pains me to say. It got to the point where I just told him outright that I liked him. He told me he liked me t-too, and we wanted to date. It was only after about three d-days of us 'dating' that things went bad."

He took another deep breath and I squeezed his hand for comfort. All of this was new information for me, but I wasn't about to bud in. He took a second to ready himself, then continued.

"At school Hayden and a bunch of other kids I didn't know c-cornered me. Hayden told them what was going on, and he told me they were his real friends, that I was an experiment. He wanted to see if he was g-good enough to make girls and guys alike fall for him, and his friends chose me as a subject. Then he-" Sam stopped mid sentence, half zoning off.

I put a hand on his back and he blinked. "Um, then he k-kissed me goodbye. It wasn't really in a g-good way either."

I frowned. "What... Do you mean?"

Sam flushed. "I don't really want t-to explain it... But... when you kiss my neck it reminds me. It's just... It's not nice to be c-cornered and stared at. My parents never really asked if I was having trouble in school, but I think they knew. That's why they had me move schools."

"I'm sorry, I had no idea. I promise I will never hurt you like that, not ever." I hugged him tightly.

He smiled up at me. " I know. I t-trust you more than anyone else in the world."

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