Chimera

Part 1

I woke up for the second time.

I am already so tired. I don't think I have it in me to go on with a full day.

As though to please that very thought, I come to an uncertain realization that I'm not in my room. I am nowhere at all. It's another dream, maybe? This is likely not going to go very well. Only, something feels different or, perhaps, even better than before. The feeling can only be described as a mixture of striking familiarity with a hint of reluctance. You may think that doesn't sound exactly good at all; you'd be right, but I insist it is still better than before.

I kind of understand now.

You see, I dreamt this already. I am in the same nightmare I had just been subjected to merely moments ago, and I have already returned to find out that I didn't really wake up. My brain simply sent me back to Start as I clearly failed the previous round.

I guess I'm on my second life now. This is why I remain certain that this feeling is better than before. I may not recall the details of what is about to occur, but just remembering that I have done this before puts me at ease. In fact, I am now calm and slightly annoyed as I have been disenchanted with my dreams for months now.

I don't have to truly look about to take in my surroundings. I somehow know what it all looks like—or more so feels like. Everything behind me, and to each side, is nothing. There is just blackness with flicks or smudges of dull color here and there that are much spaced apart. What I am describing doesn't quite look like outer space, but like surveying the visual embodiment of feeling hopeless or being lost. 

When you know where there are walls and floors, where there is sky or earth, where you stand in relation to literally any object or being, you are already infinitely more found than I am in this moment. For there is no sky or ceiling to gaze at, no walls to surround me, no objects or people for reference, no floor or earth to stand on. Everything is an endlessly confounding vacuum where nothing ends and nothing begins.

Can't I wake up? 

I know this is just a dream but my brain and body show no signs of allowing me to escape without going through this again. I'm somewhat offended that my consciousness cannot govern here. What is this exactly? How can I both remember living through this dream already, and not remember what is going to happen?

Despite my strayed mind and my ever apparent lack of energy, I somehow know that if I walk forward, I will find a tunnel or cave. I know that just ahead is a sort of path that is engulfing and with each step, I would be heading toward more trials and tribulations that I have already attempted to best.

Without really making any decision to do so, I am already walking toward the nightmare.