LOST LOVE ✅

Part : 7 It's hurt a lot

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I was sitting in hall from 4 hours and waiting for Manik. He asked me to meet him at 8pm and after 4 hours also , i was having no clue of him. Ishita Aunty and Neyonika Aunty asked me to sleep in guest room after dinner but i refused because I wasn't feeling sleepy or should i say i wanted to wait for him sitting in the hall. Nobody could say that after seeing me that I didn't sleep for even a single second from 24 hours. I was going crazy thinking about him and his pain. Love made me crazy. One hour more passed away and my eyes were still looking at the door. I decided that i will not leave this house until i will not meet him.

Finally the door got opened and find Manik walking inside. His legs were trembling and he was not in his senses as he was drunk. He was about to fall down after losing his balance but before he could , i ran there and gave him support by wrapping my hand around his neck from behind and from other hand , i held his hand. Our eyes met and for just few second we both got lost in each other eyes.

"Why are you again and again coming after me?"he asked looking at me moving his eyebrows up. I remained silent because he was drunk and i found better to be remained silent. I started taking him toward stairs.

"Nandita , i love you so much , please come back." He was just murmuring this again and again when i was taking him toward his room and like always my heart was crying seeing in his condition. I opened the door of his room and laid him down on the bed. Removing his shoes and shocks I covered him with the blanket. He was just taking Nandita's  name like a player. I sadly looked at his pale face , his eyes were closed. I can't even describe in words what i was feeling at that moment. Seeing love of your life in this condition and  you are helpless because you can't do anything , nothing could be more painful than this. But i was so wrong as it was just the beginning of pain in my life.

Last time looking at him , I turned to go but before i could take a step forward , i got stopped when he held my hand.  My heartbeat became fast and my breath became heavy when he held my hand. "Please don't go , i am so lonely"listening to his helpless and painful voice , I immediately turned to look at him. I found him still lying on the bed and his painful eyes were looking at me. I felt like  so many needles all together pierced into my heart and the pain was unbearable.

I sat beside his bed on my knees. I squeezed his hand and blinked my eyes looking at him in assurance that i am with him . He gave me small smile and tears started falling down from my eyes. With my shaky hands , i started caressing his hair looking into his eyes . He was also looking at me silently without blinking his eyes like a small baby. I could see only and only pain in his eyes which was breaking my heart a bit by bit.

After few minutes only , his eyes got closed and he fell a sleep. For a minute, i kept staring at his face and then moving close to his face , i kissed his forehead lovingly. With this forehead kiss , I promised him that i will always support him like his shadow and will never leave him , i will follow him blindly like his shadow , always. After sometime only when i was busy staring at him , i felt my eyes becoming heavy and i slept there on floor holding his hand and putting my head on his chest.

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"What the hell , what are you doing in my room?" Next morning , i woke up hearing his shout. I was sitting on floor and he was standing in front of me. I looked toward his face and found him looking at me angrily. "Now Get up and get lost from here" i shivered listening his shout and looked at him having fear in my eyes. I didn't know why he always scared me a lot. When I didn't respond , he angrily made me stand up holding my arm tightly.

"You , yourself asked me to meet you" before he could push me out of the room , i spoke after taking a deep breath. He left my arms and closed his eyes and took a deep breath. I signed because finally he remembered that he himself called me to meet him.

"I am giving you chance to say whatever you want to say but only on one condition" he spoke in attitude looking at me. I was little happy because finally he was giving me chance to speak but i was also thinking about the condition.

"What is the condition" I immediately asked looking at him. "The condition is that you will never show me your face after today" i got shocked listening to his condition because yesterday only i promised myself that i will never leave him and today only he is asking me to never show my face to him. How could be this possible. "If you are agreeing to my condition then you have 5 minute to say and if you are not then just get lost" listening his words , i came out my thoughts and looked at him confusingly.

"I am accepting your condition but please listen to me and try to understand me" i said agreeing to his condition because i didn't want to lose the golden opportunity as he was ready to listen  me. Listening my words , he rolled his eyes like he doesn't care what i am speaking and what am going to say.

"Remember that you have only 5 minute and after this you will never show me your face" he said looking at me angrily and i nodded my head sadly. His this behaviour used to hurt me a lot.

"Manik , i know the pain which you are going through is unbearable" i started explaining him taking a deep breath and he again rolled his eyes frustratedly. "Lekin koe bhi dard kabhi itna badha nhi hota jitna ki hum ushe banate hai. I have also lost someone who was so close to my heart ,  I couldn't even imagine my life without her that time. It's still hurt but we can't change the reality , hona toh vhi hai jo humhri destiny mein likha hai. Apne aap ko hurt karne se , apne aap ko dard dene se kya sabh shi ho jaega ? No nothing will change but by doing this you are hurting your love ones , your mom and your dad , they really love you  . At least for them , please try to live your life , try to come out of your pain" i was trying my best to explain him. Only i know , how difficultly i was controlling my emotions, i was feeling extreme pain in my heart. I looked at him , he was still looking on the other side as if my words were not affecting him.

"Manik jo chala jata hai , voh kabhi vapas nhi ata , you have to accept this truth of life. Nandita is never going to come back" when i said these words , he looked at me with anger filled eyes as like i did any crime. His angry glares were more than  enough to scare me. I gulped the lumps in my throat in fear.

"Who told you that Nandita is dead , Nandita is not dead" he shouted loudly pulling me toward himself holding my arms tightly and I closed my eyes fearfully. "Now listen to me very carefully, it is not only the pain which is killing me , it is something more than the pain which is killing me" Listening his words , i opened my eyes and he was looking at me angrily. "What do you think i enjoy by hurting myself ? Mujhe maza aata hai apne aap ko hurt karke ?" He asked digging his nails in my arms and i nodded my head negatively while tears fell down from my eyes.

"No one can never understand my condition. The pain and the guilt which i am going through"he said in sad tone looking at me having pain in his eyes and listening to his painful voice , more tears fell down from my eyes. I wanted to know his pain , i wanted to ask about his condition, i wanted him to share his pain with me but i was  having no right to ask him anything because i was having no value in his life , i stood nowhere in his life , i was nothing for him.

"Now i gave you more than 5 minutes , now please get lost and never show me your face or else the consequences will me more worst"pushing me away from himself , he warned me and i was looking at him sadly having tears in my eyes.

I badly wanted to help him and wanted to know about the thing which was more than the pain for him and Which was killing him. I wanted to know about Nandita and if she really didn't die then where she was. There was many thing which i wanted to know but I silently walked out from his room before he could shout on me because it's hurt a lot every time when he used to shout on me. My heart cried a lot when he behaved like i am nothing for him. "The person whom i love a lot , i was nothing for him" i cried saying this after coming out of his room because it was hurting a lot.

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Love Mehak