The Truths

Behind My Door

They talk behind my back
Thinking I can't hear
I can

Confronted and they yell
But they still talk
It hurts to hear
Your family talk behind your back
When ur sent to your room
For trying your best

What if it's not an attitude
But them thinking it's you when it's them
You say a word and they turn it into a sentence

I cry for hours
And they talk
Talk about
Me being a brat
Me not being tough
Letting my emotions getting the best of me

I hold it inside all the damn time
And what do I get
OVERWHELMED
so fucking overwhelmed where I break

I can't handle it
But I have to

I'm a miner
And I can't run away
Can't get a job
Can't live with my dad
He's an addict

They call me a bitch
A whore
A slut
But they don't know me
I have never done anything
To be called that

My family calls me a bitch
Sometimes a fucking bitch
And I don't know why
I try my hardest to please them
But it doesn't work
They just hate

She picks them over her own blood
Her step son and daughter
Over her own blood
Never keeps promises to me
But to them, always

I'm a disappointment to her and my dad
They won't admit it
But I know the truth
I'm the reason
The marriage died

I killed the spark
Without me
They would be together
And I wouldn't be here crying
Clinging onto the memory
Of something I never had

I made it up in my head
The whole thing
To a point where I thought it was real

What else isn't real
Did I make up the happiest
Or did I just faked it
Do I even have friends
Or are they just vivid images
Of my imagination
Tricks that my mind creates
To keep me alive

Does he even care about me
Or is it all fake like my hair
Fake color
Fake length
Am I even this tall or am I so short that my brain makes look me taller
Just to make me semi happy

Is this even heathy?
The relationship with my parents
But what about truth
Hiding in the back of my brain?
Is that normal?