The Truths

Inside Looking Out

Do you ever feel like you are in the inside? Looking at everything in slow mode? Like everyone is just perfect and you are... something else? I feel like that every day. I'm a 14 year old girl going into high school.

Everyone has expectations for you. Everyone thinks you're afraid. Everyone has planned your future before you even came out and you're afraid of changing their stereotypes.

Example A, my dad: never graduated high school but went to community college for hockey. His parents and brothers all attended UCLA. They had a great future planned for me.
1. Graduate HS
2. Go to UCLA (who would pay? Yah,not my dad.😂)
3. Marriage
4. Children
5. Job (well paying)

My plans:
1. Graduation HS
2. Job (photographer/travel)
3. Child
4. Travel while taking photos

Can you imagine he awkwardness of that conversation at Christmas? Yah, didn't go well. That happened 3 years ago and my grandparents and dad still push college down my throat like I'm a baby. It's 2018. My choose is made and I'm not going and if I do it won't be UCLA. (No offense but I think they suck. It could be because that was my future or my actual opinion. I really don't know.)

My mom always knew I wasn't a college girl. I'm more of a party lover, not your average but still a  California girl, Starbucks lover, neon green Jeep, beach lover girl. I couldn't imagine a different life.

Going back to my plan, you might have questions on where is the marriage goal is. Yah, no. That isn't in my plan. If it happens it happens but all I want is a child. I don't care for all that "oh, marriage is the key." bs. It's not always true. 50% of marriages end in divorce. Example A: my parents. 

But the only expectation that you should try to reach for are the ones you give yourself. I'm not into tell people what they should do but if you want, (highly recommended) write your expectations/goals for yourself. Here are mine: (not in order)
1. Graduate HS
2. Pass Spanish 1 with a "C" or higher
3. Get a job in HS and succeed in it

But what I don't get is, why does everyone assume you are afraid of going into high school? I'm not. It's just more school which don't teach you more important things like how to pay taxes, what you need to know before buying a house, how to drive. Yes, I would hate taking these classes and yes, I would goof around in them, (sorry to my C&C Seminar teacher) (not really) but it doesn't mean that we shouldn't have these classes. They are very important to know because you can't live alone without knowing how to pay the bills.

Do we really need two years of a foreign language or three years of math, three years of science, or four years of English. We need more health classes, more cooking classes, we need bill paying classes that cover all the important facts, and we need to bring back driving ed. I'm serious, I'm 14 and I got my proprietaries in better order then most schools.

Sometimes it feel like I'm looking from the inside looking out or looking in a reflection of someone else. I'm not being myself and the first day I actually wore the clothes that described me, my grandma from my mom's side said, "that looks a little tight, doesn't it?"

I always wondered why I had body image problems and now I know why and social media doesn't help. It makes it worse. But to hear my own grandma, my family that I trusted, (yes, past tense) tell me that my outfit was too tight, hurt me. I thought I looked amazing. It was the first time I actually felt confident in my own skin and she said two simple words that crushed my soul in .2 seconds.

I watch so many teen pregnancy videos that some times I wonder what it would be like to be a teen mom. I know what you are thinking, "is this girl planning on being a teen mom?" No. I would never dream of that. Not saying it's bad or anything. I think it's amazing that they could raise a child as a child. I also know that you have to grow up fast after you see the results on the strip. But I do imagine what my life would be if I was a teen mom.

I know my grandparents would stop talking to me. (Very Christian) My mom would kick me out. My dad would some how find out and probably say abortion but I don't approve of abortion but I do believe that everyone has a choice and sometimes, very rarely, it is the best choice. I would probably be on the street or couch surfing.

I think of all the details and I applauded and have great respect for teen moms because it must be hard. Especially mom's that get kicked out. They will and do anything and everything for their unborn or born child. They have a lot of pressure on them and they sometimes get through it and I think it's amazing.

https://youtu.be/cKBCIe9eYQU

I highly suggest watching the video above if you ever are curious of what a teen mom goes through while going to school or if you ever are think about being a teen mom. Just copy the link.