Everything We Keep

~ Part Ten ~

"No," I snapped.

Claire's eyes rounded. Phil had always been her favorite, more so than her own sons. And she was a stickler for manners.

"No, thank you," I said in the most polite tone I could manage.

"I'll see myself out." I left before either could object.

Kristen rubbed my arm, yanking me back to the present. I blinked at her.

"Come sit down. I'll get you something to drink."

I followed her into the kitchen and dropped into a chair.

"We brought lunch and groceries," Nadia explained.

She aligned dry goods on the counter that separated the kitchen from the front room. Kristen poured lemonade and handed me a glass. I drank greedily, and after wiping my mouth, burst into tears. Kristen and Nadia stilled and stared. It took a second, but Kristen recovered first. She set down the pitcher and sat in the chair across from me, handing over a napkin so I could wipe my nose.

"This has been so hard for you, Aimee. Please talk to us, tell us how we can help. Did something remind you of James? What has you so upset?"

Everything, I thought. James. The restaurant. My career, or lack of one as of this morning. Nadia retrieved plates from the cabinet and busied herself mixing a salad.

"You need to eat something. You look pasty."

A watery snort escaped.

"Thanks a lot."

I laughed into the napkin. She smiled.

"That's better." Kristen rubbed my forearm.

"Please talk to us," she beseeched again.

I groaned into the napkin, nodding. I needed to tell them, but not everything. Dabbing my eyes until they were somewhat dry, the surrounding skin tender, I confessed to something else altogether.

"I'm just feeling guilty, that's all."

Nadia brought the salads to the table.

"How so?"

"Just thinking about James and wishing I had tried harder to convince him to stay home."

I pushed the salad around with my fork.

"We'd be on our honeymoon right now."

Kristen pushed out her lower lip. She rubbed my forearm.

"You have a terrible habit of holding things inside. You shouldn't do that. And you shouldn't blame yourself either. You know how stubborn James could be. Whether you pushed harder or not, he would have still gone to Mexico, so there's no point to feeling guilty."

"Why shouldn't she?" Nadia objected.

"A little bit of guilt is OK."

Kristen's mouth went slack.

"How the heck do you justify that?"

Nadia shrugged and stuffed arugula in her mouth.

"Grief stages," she said after she swallowed.

"Moves her one step closer to getting on with her life."

"She's barely started grieving," defended Kristen.

"James was buried only two days ago."

I waved my hand.

"Guys, I'm still here. You can talk to me."