I Found You

03 - Lina

Working the next day I couldn't even concentrate, because the memories of the day before pounded in the back of my head. Twice I almost electrocuted myself. Sitting in the break room, holding onto my cup of water with both hands staring into it like it could give me some answers as to why one little visit should mess me up so bad. Nothing bad happened. No choking, no drink throwing, no press attacks. It was just us talking.

Still, I remember how she sat up straight in her black shirt, that was loose around the shoulders. When she stood up, how those blue jeans fit perfectly around her body showing off her more than perfect curves. Her boots that were tan and reached just above her ankles. Her long hair was down for once and she had to keep pushing it out of her face.

I kept thinking about us laughing for the first time in ten years. I regret the way I treated her. No wonder she looked terrified. The last time we had an actual conversation I was trying to kill her and get her expelled. How did she know I wasn't going to snap again and reach over the table to hurt her? She didn't.

Someone tapped the spot beside me. As I looked to the person who was trying to get my attention I thought of the last time Jaz and I tried to be friends. That's how it started, with her tapping on my desk in the middle of math.

"Lina your break ended five minutes ago. Get back out there!" The voice of my boss snapped me back to attention. I threw my water away and went back to work. Before I could get out of the door he stopped me. "Lina what's wrong with you?" He asked. "What do you mean?" I replied. "You've been off all day. You've been working here for six years, and I've never seen you present sloppy work. You electrocuted yourself twice" He said. I shook my head. "Nothing" I replied. I left the room before he could say anything else.

***

Looking through my snapchat while laying on my bed I see a picture of Jaz holding David as a baby. With the captions "time flies" and a heart. Sometimes I wonder if she ever wants another child. She posts a lot of baby pictures from when David was little. Or...what if her and Ruby are already expecting and she's just dropping hints to the media?

Why does that bother me so much? Why does my heart pound and the corners of my mouth lift when I see pictures of Jaz? Most of all why do I feel so angry when I see those cheesy couple and family pictures of Jaz, Ruby, and David?

She posted to her snap, but her personal one. It was just a picture of her in a full body mirror. She was wearing a skin tight black dress with a slit on one side, making her leg poke out. She also had black heels. Her hair down and in tight curls. Ruby really is lucky. She is truly beautiful. I wonder where we would be if we never had that fight. Not stayed together as a couple, but stayed friends and continued to hang out everyday like we were. Well...maybe, what if we stayed together? Where would we be?
She posted another picture. Still in front of the mirror. Now Ruby was behind her, in a white mermaid style dress and white heels. Hands on Jaz's hips, while she kissed her on the cheek. Jaz smiling ear to ear instead of making a serious face. They love each other. I hated it. Why did I hate this so much?

I just sighed and put my phone down. What was this feeling in my chest? Do I really love her?