viridity |•| t.s daughter (1)

snap

♡mara♡
age six

2003

  Returning back to the school I tried to stop worrying about how bad everything was. I just want to forget about daddy, I want to forget about mommy, I want to forget about Obidiah. I just want to forget about everything.

  Miss Sokolov seemed impressed by my hard work, but the other girls seemed jealous. It seems as though during the past few months all of us have gone from terrified to competitive. We no longer go to sleep crying, and I no longer fear waking up. In fact I've begun feeling excited for a new day.

Everyday we learn something new, everyday we are taught something new. The things we are taught aren't good, they are bad, but I've stopped caring. I like the way the bad things make me feel.

It feels good when Miss Sokolov has us fight against each other, it feels good when I hit the other girls. Most times I win against the other girls, and they are jealous because of it. They are jealous of the praise Miss Sokolov gives me, but it makes me feel good that they are jealous.

  Whenever we lose a fight we get punished for it, and I try very hard not to lose. I try so hard. No matter what, I'm still scared. Scared to lose, scared to mess up. I'll be a failure, just like I've always been my whole life. Maybe I deserve to be punished if I mess up, I need to learn how to be better, and being punished will teach me.

When Miss Sokolov told me to snap the other girls neck, I didn't hesitate. Hesitation would get me in trouble. I was just listening, and I soon regret it.

I watched as the girl fell to the floor, and I noticed all the other girls fall silent too. We all stared at the dead body where it lay, right by my feet. Looking to Miss Sokolov she seemed proud, but even that couldn't stop the tears from coming.

She was dead and it was my fault, all my fault. I deserved to be punished, so I didn't try to hide my tears. I didn't feel scared when Miss Sokolov sighed in disappointment, I didn't struggle when I was taken from the room.

I didn't scream as they hit my bare skin, I didn't deserve to want it to stop. I'd killed someone. It was wrong, so wrong.

—

Short chapter again, but right now I'm doing fillers. Next chapter is when I'll start going more into detail.

Also do I have any readers who read my old book Little Red? It was another tony stark story that I've tried writing many times but have always unpublished it. Should I try to write it again?