Crossroads

P R E F A C E

It was when she was thirteen that Bella realized how different the relationship she had with her mother truly was. Her mother had always irresponsible. Her earliest memory was helping her mother find their way home after they had first moved to Phoenix. By the time she was ten Bella was already making grocery list and planning meals for the week. She had once prided herself on these things. Renee always told her how special she was. Bella wasn't like other girls. She was an old soul. Bella loved her mother the most in these moments. Renee was proud of her. That was all she needed. But then she turned thirteen. Bella had gone to a friend's house for a birthday party over the weekend. She returned home to find the power shut off completely. Renee had forgotten to pay the electricity bill, and was freaking out because that weekend she had decided to treat herself and they didn't have the money to pay it. Bella had reassured her mother that she could pay it with some of the birthday money she saved up from Charlie. How brightly Renee had smiled at her.

    "You take such good care of me Bella. I don't know where I'd be without my little helper."

    Renee wrapped Bella into a tight hug as she said this. Before the words would have brought such joy to Bella she thought she would burst, now she just felt sick. Her stomach churning uncomfortably as she wondered where her mother would be without her. Horrible images of of her mother's dirty body in a ditch popped into her mind. She knew her mother wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. The cold feeling inside her body turned hot with anger. It shouldn't be her job. Her friends didn't have to remind their mothers to pay bills on time, let alone give them the money to pay for it. It wasn't fair. Renee was the adult, not her. The rage quickly built up inside Bella's chest. She felt like screaming. Bella opened her mouth, but froze when she saw her mother searching for her car keys. It struck her in that moment that Renee was hopeless without her. She couldn't be trusted to take care of cleaning the house or remembering to pay the bills. She didn't think of those things. So Bella shut her mouth and helped her mother search for her purse. Bella started to take her job as her mother's caretaker seriously then. She started to turn down her friends' invites for fear she'd come home and the water would be shut off the this time or find no food in the refrigerator. No, Bella wasn't the same once she turned thirteen.

    She grew more and more distant from her peers. She couldn't stand their mindless conversations while she was worrying about keeping her house from falling apart. This anxiety secured her in her part as her mother's caretaker weather she liked it or not. So Bella focused on the two things she felt her had some control over, her school work and her mother. The next two years passed in somewhat of a blur. Nothing really seemed to change in their routine. Not until Phil came into the picture. Bella was awoken in the middle of the night to the drunken giggles of her mother and an unknown man. Bella's heart raced as she thought her mother had let a some burglar into the house while in a drunken daze. The man froze when he saw Bella causing her mother to start pouting.

"Don't worry about her, Phil. My Bella Bear has everything under control."

Her words started to slur at the end of the sentence as her face dropped. Phil grunted as Renee slumped lifeless against him. Bella snapped out of her stupor and stepped forward to take her mother from him. She watched him out of the corner of her eyes. She didn't want him out of her sight.

"I can help," he said stiffly, not meeting her eyes.

    Bella had protested, but Phil ignored her. She nudged him out of the way as she took her mother shoes off and settled her into bed. Her eyes never left Phil as he stood in the doorway. She watched as Phil bounced back and forth on the balls of his feet.

    "I'll just...tell Renee...." Phil trailed off and he rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.

    "Thanks for getting her home safe," Bella said, trying to hint towards the idea of Phil leaving.

    Phil nodded vigorously. "Of course!"

After a few painfully awkward moments, Phil finally left her house. Bella had thought that she would never see Phil again. She was mistaken. A couple weeks later Renee brought Phil over for a surprise family dinner to introduce him as her newest boyfriend. More and more Renee brought Phil around. Bella slowly felt her fears about their relationship melt away after he had stuck around after a year. Renee tended to go for younger men who matched her more in mental age than anything else. Bella suspected her mother did this to make up on the time she lost being a pregnant at eighteen and stuck raising her the past fifteen years. Most of her mother's relationships were short and flighty as she was a fickle person herself. They never lasted more than a couple months or so.

Bella never admitted it outloud but she was slightly thankful Phil had been the one fling to stick around. After he had moved in with him, Phil started to take on more of the household responsibilities. With his help with the bills and budgeting, it left more time on Bella's hands than she was used with. After years of isolation from her peers, Bella didn't know how to connect with them anymore. She saw them as immature children, while they found her distant and detached. With her mother often wrapped up in Phil, Bella dove into the world of literature. It was more classic works by Austin and the Bronte sisters that kept her occupied for hours. She ever experimented with some of Stephen King's works.

It came as no surprise when Phil proposed to her mother on her birthday. Bella couldn't help the few tears that slipped down her face when she saw just how happy her mother was. There was a deeper, darker part of her that was happy Phil would be helping keeping her mother in check. Bella did her best to shake off those kind of thoughts. She loved her mother and she loved that she was happy. However the honeymoon phase soon faded once Phil started to pursue his childhood dream of playing professional baseball. With Phil traveling more and more, Renee started to fall into a deep depression. The longer Phil was on the road, the longer it took Bella to convince her mother to eat breakfast or take a shower. Now a new fear all but consumed Bella. She would stay up for hours just to check on her mother every few hours to make sure she didn't harm herself.

The first thought of moving to Forks was born in her mother's dark room. With heavy eyes, Bella thought it would be a good thing for her to leave. If she wasn't here, Renee would be free to travel with Phil and she would be happy. When she had brought up the idea to Charlie he had been extremely surprised to hear she was even considering to move to Forks. She had always hated the rainy town and hadn't put much effort into hiding it. But Bella was willing to make that sacrifice once she saw how excited her mother had been at the idea of getting to travel with Phil. When Charlie said he was more than willing to take her in, it was all Renee needed to crawl out of her funk. That was worth it to Bella. Even her own sadness threatened to crush her as she stared sadly out at the vast desert of Phoenix.

Renee told her again and again that she didn't have to move. That she was perfectly happy staying here with her. Bella could only offer her mother a tight smile. They both knew that wasn't true.

"It's okay mom. I want to go," she said, looking her mother in the eyes as she said so.

She surprised herself by how sincere it sounded. Although Bella knew she would be miserable in the small, rainy town of Forks, she knew it was better than watching her mother wither away because her new husband couldn't be by her side all the time. It would be better than feeling the growing hate inside her chest every time she looked at her mother.

Bella took a deep breathe and leaned further out the car window. She wanted to feel the blistering heat of Phoenix one last time before she left. Bella felt her resolve harden as the Phoenix airport came into view.

It would be better for all of them if she went to Forks.