Steven Universe Characters X Reader Oneshots

The Longest Time Ago ~ Crystal Gems x Reader ~ Finale (Pt 5)

"Yeah but you don't just SAY that sort of thing out loud." (Y/n) groaned, a hand running down her face.

"It's nothing new to me anyways, I've SEEN what's gone on in those bathrooms you humans have." Peridot waved a hand, somewhat proud that she knew this. "We all know that you stand in front of a hole protruding through the ground which is called a toilet and-"

"Um not all of us." (Y/n) said, raising a brow, "Did you watch someone while they were using the toilet?"

"Affirmative, when I was first captured by the Crystal Gems, I took refuge in Steven's bathroom."

"I'm guessing you saw my grandfather?" (Y/n) asked with disgust, somewhat trying to rid the image from her brain, regretting even asking more.

"Affirmative, don't all humans excrete the same way?"

"NO!" (Y/n) yelled.

"Quite the opposite actually." Pearl piped up, "The male humans have-" (Y/n) put her fingers in her ears, ignoring what Pearl had said. Even if she WAS in her 30s, she wasn't going to listen to aliens explaining the human reproductive and urinary systems to other aliens."

"Bottom line is, I emptied my bladder, now can we PLEASE talk about something else?" (Y/n) sighed tiredly, watching as Peridot snickered.

"Eh, whatever, we have to warp to the volcano thing." She said, pointing to the warp pad in front of Lapis and herself. Pearl stood on the crystal surface, beckoning everyone to follow after her, stepping aside to make room.

Lapis carried Peridot to the platform as (Y/n) followed, standing carefully in place as Lapis nodded, suggesting that she warped the group to their next location.

The instant the light faded away, (Y/n) felt the rush of hot wind blow up in her face, her underarms growing wet with sweat as her forehead and neck began to perspire heavily. She turned to look at the gems, all standing motionless and seemingly unfazed by such extraordinary heat. (Y/n) gasped in surprise, a hand fanning her face.

"You guys aren't even a LITTLE hot?" she fanned herself.

"Gems have the ability to adjust their bodies to a suitable body temperature depending on the environment, we also can fluctuate our weight and gravity depending on the planet we are on- it's an adaptation thing we have since our species was originally designed and created to conquer multiple planets and colonise them." Peridot explained, peeking out from Lapis' hair.

"Well, us humans can also adapt, although the process usually takes a few years."

"That would be called evolution." Pearl explained, stepping towards the rocky grounds. "I think Garnet is inside the volcano, therefore Lapis, you will have to strike the top with water."

"Um, I don't mean to burst the metaphorical bubble but how can lapis do anything without water?" Peridot pointed out, "And I doubt the perspiration on (Y/n)'s body is enough to accomplish the outcome we are aiming for."

"Oh no, Pearl managed to transport a bucket of water with us in her gem." Lapis explained, watching on cue as three buckets full to the brim of water were summoned.

"Where did you get the buckets from?" (Y/n) asked, remembering that she was supposed to ask the pale gem that very question the moment she had filled them up.

"Oh I have many things in my gem for emergency, I tend to over prepare." Pearl blushed a blue tint in embarrassment, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Well it's a good thing you did, this really is helpful." Lapis grinned, removing the hand that held Peridot carefully to replace it with the hand that was resting on her blonde head. The free hand was raised into the air, the water following along in time as it rested mid-air, the buckets restored to Pearl's gem instantly.