Steven Universe Characters X Reader Oneshots

Pearl x Peridot x Reader

(Y/n) P.O.V

"I can't believe we are doing this." Pearl groaned in annoyance, slapping a hand to her face and dragging it down in exaggeration.

Peridot only huffed out a quick, short tempered breath before folding her arms tightly and shifting all her weight to her left leg, causing her hip to tilt upwards. She rolled her eyes and pursed her lips as I frowned, swapping my line of sight from both of the two gems before me.

"If anything, we should be working on the drill- the cluster could hatch at ANY given moment in time and we are still unprepared for such circumstances!" Her arms were thrown up into the air to prove her amount of exaggeration before her body returned to its unhappy position.

I shrugged my shoulders at the two. "Well Peri, I wouldn't be stopping you since the cluster is a big threat to the Earth, however Garnet told me that you're both slowing the pace down even more with your bickering." Pearl clenched her fists tightly to the point of her knuckles whitening. If it were possible to go any paler shade that is.

"This is unbelievable and what? I'm supposed to follow a human around for the day with this... defective Pearl?! I'm more than a millenniums years old! I did not survive this long to take orders from a puny, unintelligent human!" Peridot gritted her teeth.

Pearl only shot a glance at Peridot. "A millennia? My dear Peridot that's still so young and inexperienced- perhaps you should've just stuck with Steven and out of the way- my experience with technology is far better than yours and I should know- I've been in this planet for way more than a millennium!"

Her sarcastic mock of politeness only angered Peridot more. But before either could respond again. I cut their argument short.

"And I've only been alive for (age) years! Yet it's taken me three seconds to see that it doesn't matter who is smarter or older- we will all die because of the two of you's ignorance and stupidity!" My voice rang throughout the temple, echoing loud and clearly.

Pearl and Peridot both stared at me as if a thing like me, a human, of my race could stand up to a much higher being than I. "Yeah... I said that- and it's called sticking up for myself and my species." I huffed tired. "And now we are going to sit our butts here until we work this out!"

There was silence for a good while until Peridot decided she had had enough. She loosened her body figure before turning entirely to face Pearl who still had a stubborn look on her face.

"It appears the human- (y/n)," Peridot hastily corrected herself, "is correct. And much unlike how I'd like this to go- I have to admit we have been the foolish of the group in our antics."

Pearl's face softened up before raising a brow. "And Peridot tell me... what do you still think of Pearls?"

Peridot shifted uncomfortably. "I do admit, your a fancy Pearl. A very fancy one if I conclude- unlike any other one on Homeworld at this present time. Wether that is part of your defection, I do not know but it's a unique trait for a Pearl like you. That is a sincere compliment."

Pearl looked at Peridot flabbergasted before nodding and sticking out her hand. Instantly, Peridot screamed and curled up into a ball, shaking and wrapping her small arms as tightly around her figure as possible, confusing a very worried Pearl.

"Peri- no one is going to hurt you... it's just a handshake- see?" I explained, gripping Pearl's warm hand and demonstrating a handshake to the younger.

Once she had gained her posture, Peridot hesitantly copied me, smiling nervously as Pearl nodded. "I hope the amendments we now make strive towards our goal of great teammates." Pearl said softly, releasing Peridot's hand. She nodded in return before muttering out a quick,

"Agreed."

I clapped my hands unexpectedly causing the two to look at me. "Well... this was rather quick... humans usually take longer for the forgive and forgetting stuff." I scratched the back of my head awkwardly.

"What can I say? It's only logical to do so." Peridot pointed out as Pearl nodded.

"Yes indeed, this quarrel would have been quite the predicament like Garnet had pointed out, if remained unresolved- I'm glad this is over." Pearl said.

I turned my attention to my watch which continued its endless cycle of ticking. "Well it's only 3... I assume you want to return to the barn to help out again?" The two gems nodded as I smiled. "Cool, I just gotta use the bathroom real quick, well, not quick but ya know what I mean." I said, hopping over to the restroom.

By the time I finished, I could hear the two discussing something or rather. Smiling to myself, I walked up to them as Peridot raised an eyebrow at me.

"What took you so long?" She asked.

"Um... I was in the bathroom?" I said uncertainly.

"Doing what? Last time I was here, I was held prisoner, Steven went quickly- why should you take longer?" Peridot concluded.

"Firstly, I didn't need to know about Steven using the bathroom and secondly... I was doing... a number 2?" I hesitantly said embarrassed.

"There are two types of excretion for humans?" Peridot asked as Pearl nervously laughed.

"Two? Peridot, there are numerous ways for waste to exit a human! They eat food then it turns into mush and then it exits out their gluteus maximus and oh it's a horrible experience!!!" She shuddered.

I jerked a thumb at Pearl. "What she said. I did a poop-"

"And not to mention they fart- Peridot have you ever been near a farting human? Steven was a baby and he used to fart all the time and it was horrible and disgusting and throw up! You can't forget puking- all that goop comes up their throats and did I mention the time baby Steven puked on me and they have nose bleeds where blood pours from their noses along with rotting dust and dirt they call boogers and ear wax where dirt and wax grows in their ears and you CAN'T forget urination!!! It's all so horrible and-"

I clamped a hand over Pearl's mouth before her hyperventilating form could mutter anything more about the human race to Peridot who was taking notes.

"And it's natural." I said. Peridot looked at me with wide eyes as if to believe everything Pearl said was true.

"Is there any other entrances I should be wary about?" Peridot asked in disgust. I thought about my answer before grinning and nodding. "And what would that be?" She asked.

"The eyes - you see sometimes the brain messes up messages that are sent to the nervous system so
food can accidentally pass through the brain and end up squirting through our eyes - that's why we blink so that the food doesn't come out!"

Peridot stared in bewilderment and Pearl continued to mumbled about how gross humans were. "Shall we go back to the barn now?" I asked suddenly. Peridot flung herself to the front door as I guided a wobbly, drunk like Pearl outside where she continued mumbling incoherent words.

I laughed to myself as the three of us made our way to the car wash Steven's dad owned, waiting for him to unlock the van and drive us back.

I took note of the red watery eyes he had and questioned him. "Oh this? It's nothing. I was just having a staring contest with one of my customers for a free wax." He explained, watching a small Peridot go berserk as she waited for the inevitable food to pour from Greg's eyes.