Stay • Everlark (REVAMPING)

6. always

Peeta:
I'm not entirely sure what came over me when I saw Katniss, unconscious and injured, lying on my doorstep. But I know it made the difference between me having a breakdown at the sight of her and me saving her.

I carried her up to my room and laid her delicately on the bed, trying to avoid touching her swelling ankle.
I ran to the kitchen, got her an ice pack and held it onto her flaming head. She must've hit her head when she fell down in front of my door because her head is turning purple, forming a bruise. Now I'm holding the ice pack up to her head and stroking her hair out of her eyes. I don't know what makes me, but I start talking soothingly to her.

"You've really gotten worse, haven't you?  I knew you were struggling,
but I never knew how much. I'm sorry that I haven't been here. But I'll be better and I'll protect you. You deserve to be happy, and you can't blame yourself for everything that's gone on like I know you do. We'll get through this together. I'm here for you, even if you push me away, okay?."

It feels good to get my feelings out; even if Katniss can't hear me. She looks so delicate, sleeping so peacefully. I don't like that when she wakes up she'll be in pain all over again, and if I could take it away, I would. There's always going to be a doubt that I'll attack her. That's something I'll worry about later, this is about Katniss and her getting better.

I drape the blanket over her lower body and kiss her forehead to leave her, undisturbed, leaving my lips tingly and confused. Katniss can't stay in her house alone for a while, not when her depression is overpowering her. She can stay here if she wants, whatever it takes. It's so different seeing her without that sarcastic smirk and infectious attitude, I will say. I'll see it again soon though, I know I will.

Before I wake her with my noisy steps, I slip as lightly as I can out of the room, take a deep breath in and walk away. I'm fully committed to helping her, I want to see her smile again, she deserves it.

***

Katniss:
My eyes fly open to notice that I'm in an unfamiliar place. Where am I? I don't know where I am. My breathing starts to get sharp and heavy and I have to cling onto the bedsheets to stop myself from launching forward. My eyes dart around the room to at least try to gather my surroundings, but my brain is on fire and I can't seem to get my arms and legs to stop thrashing around.

I can't remember what happened.

There's ringing in my ears, my vision is blurred and I feel like I'm being suffocated by the pillow I'm lying on. The only things my mind is telling me to do is scream and cry and I obey. The sound that comes out of me is a mixture of sobbing and wailing.

Before my body goes numb, I hear frantic footsteps run towards the room of the door I'm in. A figure comes towards the door and the first instincts I have are to run and shoot, but if I even attempt to move my ankle throbs like a balloon. A wave of relief comes flooding through me when I see who the figure is.
It's Peeta.

"Katniss, you're awake." He whispers as he comes to sit next to the bed.

When he says my name, everything that's happened in the last few hours come crashing back to me.

The letter, my ankle injury, me collapsing at Peeta's door and making myself so stressed I passed out.

"Katniss," Peeta says again gently. "Can you tell me what happened earlier? I can't help you if you don't tell me what going on."

I can't meet his eyes, but I can hear the desperation in his tone. It breaks me. All I can do is turn my head and tear up silently into the pillow case.

"Please, Katniss." Peeta repeats again patiently. "I need you to tell me."

Those words take me back to the conversation on the beach where it was just us talking about who stays lived and who died out of the both of us. That kiss we had was when I realised that I have strong feelings for Peeta that are different to what I felt for Gale, it's the only time I've felt truly alive in a long time.

"I opened a letter from Annie." I start with a croak. "She had a son, Peeta. Finnick's son that he'll never get to meet. Everyone has lost so much because of me. Cinna, Boggs, Finnick, Prim. They all missed out on a future because I was too selfish to think about what killing Snow meant for them. It's all my fault. I can't live with the guilt."

Peeta abruptly interrupts me. "Don't say you don't deserve to live. Because you are one of the bravest, strongest people that I've ever met. Those people, they chose this. We can never bring them back, but what we can do is make the most the freedom they gave us." Peeta says with urgency. "Because if you die Katniss, I'd have nothing. I care about you too much to let you kill yourself. Give yourself another chance. Live enough to show the people we've lost that their sacrifice meant something. Don't let him win."

Something in Peeta's words clicks with me. As always, I'm amazed as to how he uses words to persuade me. I finally look him in the eye to see he's tearing up. Something I haven't seen him do more than once.

He's about to walk away when I use all my energy to grasp his fingers.

"Stay with me." I whisper.

Peeta wearily smiles at me, he knows I mean it.

"Always." He replies.