After Elliot

19: Headstone Nostalgia

I sigh, then glance around- now what am I going to do? I don't spot anyone I know, save Lizzie and Jude who're still making out- ew- so I decide to go somewhere else. I text Darren to tell him that I'm leaving, then roll my skateboard across the ground, jump on it, and head down the not-so-busy road.

The soft breeze blows through my hair as I coast down the middle of the street, no cars passing by since everyone is at the back-to-school festival. I turn a corner, rolling down into the less populated part of town. As I go, I appreciate the nature around me: the sound of birds chirping, the wind in the leaves, the dancing limbs, and beaming sun softened by the zephyr.

I used to travel down this deserted road almost every single day, until Harriet banished me from going at all. After that, I snuck to this secret place whenever I could- after school, before school, while Harriet was napping, anytime. I'd always been searching for serenity, still am, and this place is where I found it. It was also the place where I'd stand at the edge of reality and watch whilst I remained in the placid, grassy, secret place.

I finally reach the wrought iron gates reading: MEADOWLAND CEMETERY. I flip my board into my hand, then swerve through the many oh-so-familiar headstone. "Hey Ida," I say to a white, stone Angel placed atop the grave of Ida Schwartz, a woman who died in eighteen seventy four. I make my way a little farther down the trail to a dark grey, granite headstone, the ivy vines on the ground slowly winding their way up the stone. I drop my skateboard beside it, then plop down right in front, examining the name:

ELLIOT NOAH HUNTER

LOVING SON AND DEAR FRIEND

OCTOBER 6, 1996- JANUARY 4, 2014

May angels guard and watch over you.

I feel a stray tear run down my cheek, and I wipe it away with the back of my hand. I begin to rip the vines from the new stone, cursing his parents as I go, "Apparently they don't even come to see you," Sniffle, "or this wouldn't be growing up." Sniffle. I continue to wipe away tears as I groom the grave site. When I'm done, I sit down, and begin to talk, "Hey, Elliot. Long time no see."

I twine my hands in my lap, then begin to tell him everything that has happened over the past months. "...and Liam and I got together. He just left for Cali before I came here. I was at the festival, but it wasn't much fun without you," I shrug, the tears beginning to run freely down my face. "I went to see Devon, too. He apologized for what he did to you, an-an-" I hiccup, then the tears turn into full on sobs. "W-Why did you have to leave me? Why? I didn't w-want you to go. You shouldn't have tried to save me! You idiot! Why did you always have to think of me first?"

I bang the ground, trying to evoke some sort of reaction from the corpse six feet under me. "Huh? Why, Elliot? Why?!" I can't stop crying, and I feel so defeated. "You left me. You promised me you wouldn't, and you did! Y-You- Ah!" I scream as arms go around me from behind. "Shh, Analise, it's Ryan, baby, it's me," He coos in a hushed whisper, and I go slack in his arms. "R-Ryan," I sniffle, and he mediately cuddles me into him.

"Shh," He rubs my back in soothing circles as I sit sideways in-between his legs, drowning in my own tears. "It's ok." "It's not," I wail out, clutching handfuls of his shirt. "He's dead, Ryan. Dead. This wasn't supposed to happen! He was supposed to grow up with us! He was supposed to-to-" I stop myself by burying my head into the side of his neck. No, don't say that, Analise.

"Where's Miley?" I muffle out after what felt like hours of crying. "I took her home. Her dad needed her. And I saw you skate off towards this part of town, so I knew where you were going." I nod, then sniffle again, "There were vines growing up his grave, Ryan. That means they haven't been to visit. They don't care-" "They do," He assures me, slightly rocking me back and forth. "Not everyone grieves as you do, Annie. They don't like seeing this. It makes them sad."

"They also don't like seeing me," I mutter, and he acts as if he didn't hear it. "It makes me sad. That's why I haven't stepped foot here since the funeral. Well, until now," He explains. "I like coming here. It's where I find peace." "Sobbing your eyes out isn't finding peace, Annie, it's torturing yourself. You're torturing yourself by coming here, you know that right?"

I shake my head, "No, it's not! I like coming here and crying. It reminds me that he's actually dead, Ryan, because I always think he's still here, because I can feel him tugging at me. Coming here helps me see that he's not alive anymore. It helps me feel pain." "Why do you want to hurt yourself?" "I need it. It helps me heal," I answer, and he sighs.

"You can only heal for so long, Annie." "I know," I sniffle, my tear-streaked face turning up to examine the headstone. I allow my fingers to dance over the black engraved letters, "but it's hard to heal over losing someone you're in love with."

A/N; How's lialise gonna work out with Analliot in the way?