Open Up

The Only Reason Why

Casey dealt with a lot of problems as a young child; not that she had a horrible childhood because that's not the case here, but problems young children — young girls — shouldn't have to face.

She was a very anxious child, always afraid to be alone and away from her parents. The first very years of school were incredibly hard for her, especially because she wouldn't talk much and didn't have any friends because of that. However, all of that started to change once she turned nine, because when she turned nine, Kristie McGee had turned nine as well.

Kristie was the prettiest girl in the grade, according to all of the moms that would gossip about her during the after school meetings. They knew she had big things coming for her in the future, but little Casey Bennett did not realize she would be apart of every single one of them, and neither did anyone else.

Casey spent a lot of her young life comparing herself to Kristie once they became friends, all thanks to Kristie yelling to the whole fourth grade class: "We share the same birthday! That means we're sisters now!" before throwing her arms around Casey's small body. Kristie was taller than her by a few inches and lighter than her by a few mere pounds, but as they grew older, the inches and pounds grew with them.

Casey never let Kristie know about the competition she had going on inside of her head; the constant war between loving her best friend and hating herself for the way she felt inside. She didn't want to be that way, but she couldn't help it. Having to wait longer to get boobs was incredibly inconvenient when all the twelve-year-old boys were already staring at your blonde best friend's b-cups.

As time moved on and high school approached, Casey's anxiety didn't get better, although it wasn't about being alone and away from her parents anymore, it was something she wasn't sure of at all. At age 14 is when Kristie decided to give Casey a little "advice," and a trip to the mall. The self-hate was hard to hide in the dressing room as she stared at herself a little too long in the mirror; Kristie knew but wouldn't push, so she sat there forcing her to try on more "cute clothes." Kristie learned to never push, because Casey taught herself to never spill. She didn't like being pitied, and she didn't like feeling the way she did, so ignoring it was easier for her than talking about it. Casey wasn't one to open up very often.

By the time they reached their sweet age of sixteen, Casey had made sure she dropped enough weight to be equal in the eyes of others. She dropped enough weight to be equal to Kristie in the eyes of herself, or so she tried. It was never enough though, because even if she tried to reach her level, Casey knew she couldn't quite get there, until James came along — the boy of her dreams.

The love of her life opened her up, broke down her walls, and then broke her heart. Being together for almost two years shows you a lot about someone. Casey had shown James too much. He helped her; calmed the anxiety as best as he could, had her put some meat back on the bones she called a body, and got her to stop wearing the heels that hurt her ankles so much. He thought he'd be able to stop it all, but you can't change someone if they don't want to change themselves. James had learned that the hard way.

Countless nights he stayed with her watching movies in her room as she was curled in a ball besides him because she was too afraid to leave the house. He tried to tell her that nothing out there could hurt her as long as she was with him, but he knew she that wasn't what she was afraid of. Countless nights he stayed late at her house, holding her while she shook and cried herself to sleep because she felt that she wasn't enough for him. He tried to reassure her, but he knew she would never listen. Countless nights he stayed over for dinner that way she couldn't miss another meal in the day. He tried to cook for her so she would feel like it was special enough to eat, but he knew after a couple of bites she'd just continue to push around the food on her plate. Countless nights he stayed with her in the bathroom, holding her hair back while she released all of the contents in her stomach. He tried to take the bottles away, but he knew she'd always find another one laying around the party. Countless nights he stayed by her side, telling her all the things he loved about her. He tried to convince her and she loved him just as much back, but he knew she would never believe him.