Grieving Soul [#Wattys2019 Winner]

Chapter 33

#GrievingSoulWP

Chapter 33
Dinner

My brother's words made its mark on my heart and mind. I didn't think I'd be able to get over it as much as I wanted to because I kept on hearing it like an endless loop inside my mind. It was amazing how I managed to recall and memorize every single word that he told me once.

Without any fear, I bravely sat at the edge of the cliff where I shouldn't be, but I just couldn't stop myself from going here. Instead of staying in the mansion like how I planned to spend my day, I decided that I needed to be alone in order to think properly and reflect on my actions.

This place was not just about figuratively meeting and talking to Silver anymore. I surprisingly found this place like my own haven and anchorage. Whenever I wanted to calm my chaotic mind, this place was the first picture that appeared inside my mind. Siguro ay nasanay na ako na kapag naguguluhan at nasasaktan ako ay rito agad ang tungo ko kaya hindi ko na mapigilan.

Kapag hinahayaan kong bumulong sa akin ang malamig at malakas na hangin habang pinapanood kong papalubog ang araw mula sa pinaghalong kulay ng rosas, lila at kahel na langit ay agad na humuhupa ang kaguluhan na nararamdaman ko. There was a sudden feeling of serenity and tranquility.

"You are my sister but right now, you are nothing like her..."

I closed my eyes as I felt my heart winced in pain when I heard my brother's words again echoing inside my mind just when I thought that I already found my peace. Pakiramdam ko ay mayroon akong kailangang gawin upang mapatahimik ang aking isipan pero hindi ko alam kung handa na ba ako para roon.

Hindi ko inakalang ibang tao na ang kanyang turing sa akin gayong alam ko sa sarili kong hindi naman nagbago ang pakikitungo ko sa kanila ni Ate Ariana at pati na rin sa pamilya nilang dalawa. Pero siguro nga... madalas ay hindi naman natin agad nakikita ang pagbabago sa sarili natin dahil iyon ang sinasaad ng ating isipan. Magugulat na lang tayo na mayroon na palang nagbago na hindi natin nalalaman dahil ang mga tao sa paligid mo lang ang nakakapansin.

"You're too blinded by your own pain that you can't even see his pain..."

I was entirely guilty when I realized how selfish I was on that part.

Hindi ko maiwasang sang-ayunan ang lahat ng sinabi ni Kuya Diego sa akin dahil ang lahat ng iyon ay tama. He purposely said those harsh words without sugar-coating it just to pull me from drowning in my own pain and see what's above it. Masyado kong dinadama ang marahas na pag-alon ng dagat sa ilalim ng tubig kaya hindi ko nakikita o nararamdaman ang kadiliman ng kalangitan at ang pagbuhos ng malakas na ulan sa ibabaw. I wasn't able to see that Gio's hurting too.

He did nothing but to save me from misery, but I only pulled him in and suffer with me. I let the anger and betrayal I felt acted in behalf of my understanding and sanity when they should be the one to take place and decide.

Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin masyadong naiintindihan ang pagmamahal na mayroon si Gio para sa akin. Yes, I know it's different than the love I have for him as my best friend, but it's so hard for me to accept it. He's my best friend for years then, he told me he loves me and in just a blink of an eye, we're already married.

Naging mapusok ang pagbabago sa aking buhay at kaya siguro hindi ako makasunod ay iniiwasan ko rin na masanay at tanggapin ang pagbabagong nangyayari.

Kuya Diego told me that not much had changed, especially with Gio's actions. Siguro ay tama rin siya sa parteng iyon dahil noon pa man ay ganoon na kaalaga sa akin si Gio. Ang tanging nag-iba lamang ay ang label ng relasyon naming dalawa.