Beneath The Waterfall

change

After cleaning up after breakfast, Mama and I bought a bouquet of white roses from the flower shop in town.

We collected a few bouquets and then went back home, getting right out of the car and walking around the house to get to our backyard. Behind our house was a small trail that led to an open field full of plush green grass.

The open field was Nana Kaimana's land too. She had buried Papa Walter there, so we kept the tradition going. When she passed, Daddy buried her right beside him. When Daddy died, we cremated him because the damages were too bad for an open casket, and we also didn't have the money for a proper burial, and buried his ashes beside his parents. Then Leon passed, and Mama had to fight hard to get his body after the investigation, but she won. He was here too. The whole family.

Every grave had been created with crossed sticks, to create a crucifix. We carved their names into each one and surrounded their burial grounds with hand-painted stones we'd found by Old River. Most of the stones were painted in the colors they liked most.

Mama let out a long sigh, tears lining the rims of her eyes. She had been through so much and I knew that. I knew she was tired of being in the same place, constantly reminded of the death of the people she loved while everyone showed pity in the worst, most prejudiced ways. Many of them figured if they'd hired her for some work around their house and paid her, that it would make up for the loss of a child. World traveled fast around this town and Leon's death was a huge tragedy—one of the biggest yet.

I couldn't lie and say it didn't help. Mama had received a lot of calls for jobs, and many began to ask specifically for her, which resulted in more bonuses and tips.

Who was I to crush her dreams or make her stay here because I liked my life a little? I liked my job, I liked the waterfalls, I loved our house. I grew up in that place. It was all I knew. It was home. 

Maybe I was afraid of change. I was so used to the ugliness of this place that I had accepted it and transformed my imagination to make it seem like something beautiful—hoping that one day, accepting it for what it was would be worth it. But it wasn't, and probably never would be.

After cleaning the dead leaves off their graves and placing flowers down, we walked back to the house, Mama's arm laced over my shoulders and my arm hooked around her waist. When we'd made it into direct sunlight, she poked my nose with a smile.

"You have his nose. Your daddy's," she said.

I smiled back up at her. "You tell me every day." A silence fell between us that wasn't at all awkward. "Do you really want to move?" I finally asked. "Or are you just saying that because of some article you read on a lunch break?"

She sighed, laughed a little. "Only if you want to. If you don't think you'll be happy, we won't. You only have one more year of high school and then you're off to college. I can wait, baby."

"I don't want you to have to wait if you really want a new start." I chewed on my bottom lip. "You have sacrificed a lot for me. It would be selfish of me to turn the idea of moving down. There's nothing left for us here."

She stopped and turned to face me, holding my shoulders. "You're right. There isn't really much left. And you are so used to this routine, baby. You're afraid of change. Trust me, I get it. I was a orphaned city girl who had saved up some money and visited this town by accident. I fell in love, not only with the waterfalls and the nature, but with your father too, so when he asked me to marry him and to stay...well, I was terrified, but only because I was afraid of making the change. I've been here for the past twenty-five years, though, and this place is not what it used to be. Not as peaceful."

"I know. I've noticed the changes too." The thought of Maverick Kingdom on their bikes, shattering Cory's windows, and even driving by me on the same road, made my pulse quicken.

"I want us to have a better life. That's all, baby. We won't really get anywhere in Nantahala. There aren't many opportunities here for us, like there are for others." She pulled back, looking all around. "I love this place. I love the memories I have created here...but it's not the same without your daddy and Leon." Her eyes had filled to the brim with tears again, but she smiled through it, looking off to the left and avoiding my eyes. She hated when I saw her crying. She always wanted to be strong for me. That was one thing I could give her. Mama always, always tried to keep a positive attitude, no matter what life threw at her.

I grabbed her hand and she turned her head to look at me. "Let's do it then, Mama. Let's go. Start fresh."

She exhaled. "I want you to be sure. Don't say you want to just to make me happy. I told you can I wait a while." She shrugged. "It's no big rush."

"I don't have a lot of friends here—no one I can really say I'll miss." For some strange reason, after I'd aired my statement, Colin came to mind. It was weird thinking about him because he and I weren't even friends. We just bumped into each other often. I brushed that thought off. "Maybe we can go after this school year is over. I'll have time to let it sink in and prepare for it and we can start packing."

"Aw, baby." She held my face in her hands, kissing my forehead. "This is a big step. Think about it a little more, okay?"

I nodded, but deep inside my belly knotted. Was I sure? Hell no, but for Mama I had to be. She deserved happiness and even though she would have put my wants before hers, she wanted this.

Now that I thought about it, Mama had been working a lot more. I also noticed she was bringing home more magazines from the bowling alley, and they were all about travel or wellness. Her usual was clothes, celebrity gossip, and recently, the royal wedding.

Mama twirled on her feet, hooking her arm through mine. "The city is amazing, though. You've never been, but it's refreshing, in a chaotic way. Maybe we can take a trip so you can experience it first."

"That would be cool."

"I think what I need is to be around busy people and places. Keep my mind occupied, you know? You'll definitely need a car. Can't be riding that bike around with the way people drive and honk in Charlotte," she chuckled.

I laughed. "Well I guess I better start saving my checks up so I can get one."

"Don't worry. You'll get a car soon. I've been working on it. You remember Mrs. Paula?"

"Yeah, the lady with the blind dog."

"Yes, well her nephew is selling a nice two-door Honda. Not many miles on it and it's in great shape. Black too, just like Barbie. She said she'd talk him into cutting the price a bit if you or I took care of Khloe for a few weeks while she recovered from her surgery. Maybe you can do that to save a little? The dog has a wagon so you don't even have to walk her on a leash. She's an old girl. Doesn't do much but sleep, eat, and poop, I'm sure."

I giggled. "Yeah, that doesn't sound too bad, but knowing Mrs. Paula, she'll want me making dinner and taking walks with her too."

"Hey, do whatever you need to do to make her happy. Besides, Mrs. Paula could use a friend or two. She misses her husband." Mama's face saddened, but a small smile still lingered.

We stopped at the porch and I sat on the stoop while she walked up to the steps.
"I feel good things coming our way, baby," Mama sighed. "Feel it in my soul. Let's see how this plays out, but you give it some more thought, all right?" She leaned over to kiss the top of my head. "If you would rather stay, that's okay too. I just want us both to be happy. Just let me know what you really want to do soon."

I smiled over my shoulder as she walked away and twisted the door knob, opening the door with a glance back. "I will," I promised, but those two words made my heart sink.