~~ Ocean Of Lies ~~

Chapter 5 ~ I shouldn't be here

It is getting colder as I speed walk to back to the house. Why am I walking? you ask. Well... I had detention and there were no available school busses left at school. Moreover, I also forgot my purse and have no money to catch a bus. What a great day! Note the sarcasm. Aren't you so responsible, Maria says my subconscious. Shut up, I didn't plan on getting detention! I say back. As if you didn't. You know the consequences of being late to school don't you? questions my subconscious. Whatever I say ending the conversation or whatever that was between my subconscious and I. I pick up my pace and start jogging when it starts raining. Just what I needed.

After ten minutes of slow jogging, I finally reach the run down apartment complex and see my stepmother sitting alone on the old wooden bench next to the entrance of the complex. Shoot! I totally forgot about her. I was so wrapped up in the things with Nick that I forgot I locked her out. Speaking of Nick, I still have no idea whether or not I should tutor him. Well, enough of these thoughts. Here goes nothing I say to myself as I start walking towards her.

She sees me coming and stands up purse in hands clothed in her short mid thigh dress flaunting her long legs and cleavage. "You little bitch! How dare you?! You locked me out of my own house you punk! " I hear her say while nearing the building. As soon as I come face to face with her, she lifts her hand up and slaps me hard and my cheeks start tingling and then go numb from the amount force behind that slap. "You're gonna regret it, bitch. Mark my words." she spits out through gritted teeth. After which we go inside to the front door.

You must be asking why no one's here calling the cops, right? Let me clarify things for you. In this shady complex everyone minds their own business because everyone has dirt on everyone. You call the cops on someone, you die the next day. As simple as that. No one dares to rat out anyone. In this world, you're on your own. Die, breathe, kill...no one cares. The cops won't even come here, even they are scared, the supposed law upholders are scared. I don't blame them, everyone knows about the reputation of this place. Yet this is where I have been living for the past 4 years, curtsy of my beloved 'mother'.

Mustering some courage, ... ha mustering courage, that's all I have been doing all day... mustering courage I laugh to myself. "What are you laughing about huh?" asks the devil. "Nothing" I reply curtly. "Whatever" she says while I fish for the keys in my bag. Once I get it, I pull it out and open the door. "Give me that and go to your room." she says snatching the keys out of my hands while looking at me with pure disgust in her makeup caked eyes. "I wish I never took you from that orphanage... should have let you rot in there along with your brother." she hisses out like a vile snake. This is it! I can't take it anymore. "You should have, at least I wouldn't have to put up with you everyday!" I scream out and run to my room slamming the door shut behind me.

I break down crying. Tears are flowing like a river out of my plain brown eyes and I fear that I may drown in them. What did I ever do to deserve this? Why me? Why did you leave me mom and dad? I should have died along with them that day. Why am I still alive? Why am I so unwanted? Why am I so unlucky? Why? why? Why? I ask myself repeatedly. I should end this.

I rush to the bathroom and take the razor out of the drawer. I can end this. Just one swipe and will leave behind the pain, the suffering, the misery. I start going forward with my decision when I remember something my mom used to tell me 'La vie est très précieuse ma chérie. Promets moi que tu feras tout pour être heureuse et n'abbandonne jamais'. I put away the razor and silently weep while sliding down to the floor my back to the wall. I nearly broke another promise. I nearly ended my life. What's happenning to me?! I cry and cry and cry until I have no tears left to shed. I return to my room and lay on my bed dreaming about the life I could be living if only my parents were still here. If only...