NHL Imagines

Not Your Fault |Morgan Rielly|

(Your POV)

"Sweetheart, how are you doing?" Morgan asked gently, slipping into bed beside me.

My mind was fuzzy and I couldn't figure out how to respond. Images of the past week flashed through my mind. The immense pain in my stomach, the heart-stopping silence when I was told the baby was here, the haunting blue tinge to our little girl's skin. What was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives turned into a nightmare. 

Morgan nudged me after I didn't answer him. I looked up at him, our eyes meeting. The grief was evident in his eyes and I'm sure my eyes looked the same.

"I'm okay, Mo. A little sore I guess." My voice sounded unrecognizable. 

We went back to silence as we sat side by side on the bed. I didn't know what to say to Morgan. How could I?

I had this overwhelming feeling that the loss of our baby girl was my fault. I didn't take care of my body well enough or I wasn't careful enough. Everything was going so well. The doctors had told me that she looked healthy and everything looked perfect. I was past seven months. We didn't think it was possible to lose the baby at seven months. I finished the nursery, we had picked a name for the little girl we were so ready to hold in our arms. Suddenly, she was gone. I was reorganizing her closet for the fifth time when the pain started. It was excruciating and traveled down my spine and into my legs. 

Morgan came as soon as I called him. He had been at practice but rushed home right away to take me to the hospital. I didn't know what to say to him. All I knew was that something felt wrong. There was a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and I could tell what was happening before the doctor said anything. I didn't want to tell Morgan. I knew he would be devastated and I couldn't handle watching him try to stay strong for me when it was tearing him apart. 

When the doctor told us the news, all I can remember is crying. I sat in the hospital bed and sobbed. Morgan wrapped his arms around me, whispering calming words into my ear but nothing helped. I lost our baby. She was gone before I could begin to get to know her. And then the doctor told us I would have to deliver her. 

I gave birth to our little girl knowing she wouldn't cry and yet I was inconsolable when the doctor lifted her away from me and she didn't make a sound. I got a glimpse of her before they cleaned her off and she looked so frail.

Morgan and I were able to hold her for a little while. We sat in that hospital room, completely exhausted, and cradled the unmoving little girl to our chests. In what felt like no time at all, Morgan and I were on the way home with an empty car seat in the back of our car. 

"(Y/N), talk to me. Tell me what is going on in your head. Just let me in please." Morgans pleas snapped me out of my trance. 

"This is all my fault Mo. I lost our baby girl. You were so happy and I lost her. I'll never get to talk to her and listen to her babble. I won't get to watch you make her laugh. She doesn't get to grow up and it's all my fault. I'm so sorry Mo. I am so so sorry." I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my cheeks. I could hear Morgan sniffle beside me.

"You didn't do anything wrong (Y/N). The doctor told us that it was unavoidable. I don't blame you and you can't blame yourself either. We will be okay. I have you and you have me. We couldn't control what happened to her but you have to listen to me when I tell you it wasn't your fault. I love you so much, sweetheart. We'll be okay. I promise you that we will be okay."

By the end of his speech, I was sobbing. He pulled me to his chest and we stayed in our bed, crying together and grieving. It wasn't our time to have a baby but we would be okay. All I could ever need was Morgan and he was here by my side through everything. 

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I wrote this in first person and I'm not sure if it's my favourite thing I've written but I don't think it's the worst. Anyways, let me know if you prefer things written in first person or not!