The Dead Don't Cry at Funerals

Part 1 of 1

Today feels like the hardest day of Brenda's life. She's done this before, when her mother had passed, but somehow, with her father, it's different. She contemplates that maybe it's because her mother and brother are gone too, and she's the only one left. Or maybe because her kids are mobile, and she's had to deal with the stress of that, in the middle of making arrangements. Normally she could handle the kids just fine, but even with her husband Julian's help, it's not enough. This is a day where things as simple as breathing take effort.

It's either that, and because she's liable to lose it at the least opportune time. She needed to save her energy until later, after everyone has gone home, and the kids in bed, then she can let everything inside go. She makes a last ditch effort to clean her things off of the bed, before the limo arrives, and it would be time to go. But it seemed like every piece of jewelry she touched had been bought, or left to her by one or both of her parents. Finally she gave up, else she would lose it.

She takes her time going down the long flight of stairs, her husband behind her, keeping silent from her, knowing she would blow if he said word. Besides, he was slightly preoccupied by the girls' constant chatter, riddled with questions. When she reached the bottom, she realized that the rest of the family got word, and respected the silent treatment she needed to make it through the day. They bowed their heads in prayer, lead by her uncle George, and shuffled out of the house, just as the last of the transport arrived.

She was the last to leave the house, and looked around the foyer, and down the hall, to the back door, as she always did, as if waiting for her father to show up, to be let in. No matter what she did, she could never get him to come through the front door. For some reason, he insisted on coming through the back, said he liked the view, and needed the exercise. She would smile and laugh at that. 'The view', consisted of a mostly empty yard, with a swing set, and overgrown bushes and weeds bordering the fence.

Julian had stopped begging her to let him do something about it, and she had refused on the grounds that she would do it, and would plant some flowers. It seemed like every time she got started on it, something important would come up, and she'd have to put it on the back burner. Before she knew it, she'd be so busy, that either she couldn't get back to it, or it was too late in the year for planting, again. There was even a bag of mulch that had been sitting for so long, that it was escaping through the holes.

It took Brenda twice as long to lock the door, and as she made her way to the car, she starred down at her shoes and the sidewalk to avoid eye contact. The driver patiently waited for her with the door held open, and as she'd been taught; climbed in as a lady in a skirt should. As soon as she was seated, she grabbed Julian's hand, the same way she did when she was in labor with both of their girls; bracing for the eventual pain. In the split second it took for her to look at him, she knew he was with her all the way, no matter what.

The drive was smooth, and she faced the window for the rest of ride, and rubbed the soft fabric of her skirt between her fingers from time to time. About halfway there, she realized that she should have had more than a cup of coffee that morning. But that was all she could tolerate. The idea of eating something as simple and bland as toast had made her stomach turn. While Julian was getting cereal together for the girls, he'd hinted at her that she should eat something, but no more, he knew better.

When they arrived at the church, she wanted to be a lady, and not be rude, but her bladder would approve of no such thing. She'd been there before, so she knew where the bathroom was, so as soon as her door was open, she released Julian's hand and took off. Some of the mourners thought she had lost her mind, and then relief fell over their faces as she emerged from the bathroom at average pace. The ushers showed her to the front, where she found that Julian had a spot picked out for her.