Football Boys

Chapter Nine

I tightly closed my eyes, realization overcoming me.

"Over these last three years, you've neglected me... rather it be knowingly or unknowingly, you've made me feel unwanted. You haven't even hung out with me... not even before that party... after it either. And I'm not stupid Rabbit. Feeling guilty about not spending time with me only made you want to keep me around or... invite me to parties with you and Greyson, because you didn't want it to seem like I didn't matter to you."

"You do–"

"You don't know half of what I've been going through," he said firmly, fighting against tears.

Staring at him now, I could barely look into his eyes... only his quivering lips and the falling tears on his cheeks.

In freshmen year, I remember seeing Ellie sitting at the back of the bus while Greyson and I shared a seat near the middle; I remembered seeing how lonely he looked when I glanced back to see him but didn't make any effort to make up for it later.

One time, I was heading to Greyson's birthday party and was shocked to find that I had missed Ellie's party a week before... but didn't try and fix it, thinking that Ellie hadn't minded.

At the party... when I called Greyson up on the platform with me... Ellie's face.

"Greyson isn't the problem Tyler, it's you. Or... is it me? Am I the problem?"

"No, no. Of course you're not the problem..."

I trailed off, seeing his expression harden slightly.

"Then why do I feel so thrown away man?"

"Ellie... I didn't know you felt this way. I-I should've noticed."

"You should've noticed," he mimicked. "You should've noticed by now that I haven't been  feeling well–"

"How was I supposed–"

"I haven't felt like myself for a long time. I've been hiding it for months; but as my bestfriend, I wanted you to see through my facade... I needed you..."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He slowly shook his head, his face softening a tad as he wiped tears from his cheeks.

"I couldn't tell you that I was depressed, because I couldn't make myself admit it. My parents are dead Tyler; I didn't tell you because you never seemed to care... every time I would get enough courage to say something about it, you'd blow me off like what I had to say wasn't important."

He stopped and blankly stared at me for a while, glaring at me as if his stare would burn a hole through my skull to cause me pain.

"I have an abusive brother that won't let me do anything without a condition or negotiating, which almost always ends with me getting more bruises," he whispered slowly.

"I... can't fight him back."

"I always ask myself, 'how can I hit him back without seeing my father in his eyes?' 'How can he hit me without feeling the hurt that gives... how can he just continuously hurt me and pretend like nothing happened?' I love him... I love him, because before, we were so close, closer than you and I ever were. He never hit me or treated me badly until everything happened."