Crystal Stain

6

After a while most of the people started to leave the party and so we said goodbye to Melany. Harry offered me a ride home since Billy was still busy with his friends.

"So, you and Melany, huh?" he said once we were inside his car.

"What are you implying?" I turned on the radio, shuffling through songs.

"Leave that one." He said when a song I didn't recognized started playing. "She is cute. You'll be great together."

"I think I want to be her friend first."

"Adam, you're going to the movies together. That's a date. In fact! I'll think you'll get even closer to her, you know what I mean?" he said poking me in the side.

I suddenly grew anxious. I didn't want to go to the movies with Melanie as a date. If it was up to me I would've chosen a restaurant or a concert. Somewhere where I could behave as myself and not try to read hints as to when make a move.

Harry didn't seem to read into my nervousness because he proceeded to describe plenty of his dates he had taken to the movies and "Oh! The things we did!" were his words.

We arrived at my house only to realize I had no keys to get in because Billy had taken them. I knew Aunt Sheila was inside but I didn't dare to ring the doorbell; it was late and she was probably sound asleep, and if she had to wake up for something so stupid she would be seriously pissed off.

"What is it?" Harry called from the car.

"I don't have my keys."

I heard him laugh as he turned off the engine.

He got out of the car and asked "What are we doing? Are we waiting or do you want me to take you back to the party and look for Billy?"

I chose to wait for him, not exactly eager to return to a party where probably the only people left were either dead drunk or stoned.

We decided to take a walk down the street so we could enjoy the weather.

"Remind me to thank Billy for making you go to the party."

I sighed.

"No. Really. How did that even happen? Did you lose a bet?"

"No, you may find it hard to believe but I came voluntarily."

He patted my shoulder. "Well, I'm happy you did Adam. You need to live a little."

I knew he meant well. But suddenly, I remembered everything Melany had told me.

"Live a little?" I scoffed. "What does that even mean Harry?"

"You know, allow yourself to have fun." He stopped on his tracks and looked at me seriously. "You are young Adam. Lose yourself! You should be drinking and getting high! Or taking cute girls to the movies every weekend!"

I laughed bitterly. "No, Harry that is your idea of fun. Not mine." I was feeling my anger rise with every word I said. "Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I don't have a good time when I go to a party? That I actually dread the days before it and when I'm there, I count every minute before it's 'an acceptable time to leave'?"

"What should I do then, huh?" I hissed. "Should I do things I don't like just to fit in? Tell me Harry!"

He didn't say a thing and only stared at me with a shocked expression. I breathed in deep trying to calm myself and I was starting to feel sorry when I suddenly noticed how slowly his expression changed from surprised to pitiful.

Seeing that made my blood boil. I tightened my fingers in a fist, a fist I never intended to throw in a punch. That would be a lost battle.

It had always been that way. I was the weaker friend, the one who needed protection. Even now, when I was taking a stand for myself he managed to make me feel vulnerable.

"You know, Harry" I said, my voice filled with indignation. "No one thinks I'm a loser. People actually think I'm fun. So, no. I'm not going to get drunk or high to 'live a little'" I quoted with my fingers.

"I'm going to do the things that make me happy. I'll stay at home reading a book on a Friday night, I'll teach myself new recipes to cook and I'll get a fucking ice cream on a summer afternoon, because you know what? People are fine with that."

I could feel my voice shaking, but I didn't care.

"Isn't it ironic?" I scoffed "The only ones who seem to have a problem with it are the people that matter the most to me." I stopped talking, taking in small breaths to remove the lump in my throat.

"Adam..." said Harry with a gentle voice. I looked away as I started to feel the tears form in my eyes.

"I mean, what's wrong with ice cream?" I managed to say with a thin voice.

I sat on the curb, wrapping my arms around my knees and hiding my face between them.

I was ashamed. I had reacted so badly towards Harry, I knew he never meant to make me feel so bad, and on top of that, I was now making a fool of myself by crying.

"Adam" he called again even more warmly. "I am so sorry. I've been a terrible friend."

"No." I said without lifting my head up, hoping Harry could hear my muffled voice. "You are awesome. It's me, I'm not good enough. Why are you even my friend, Harry?"

I felt Harry knelt beside me. "What are you talking about? I don't want to hear you say that ever again." He said firmly.

I lifted my head and I could see the concern in Harry's face. "Do you think I'm cool? I mean, most people think you're cool so I don't understand why you hang out with me?"

Harry chuckled with empathy. "Adam I think you're awesome and I'm aware others think that as well, that's why I take you to parties, because I always see you having a good time while talking to others. I thought you liked it. I genuinely though that."

"I do like it." I said weakly. "Talking to people, that is. Not the party, I get too anxious."

He stood up and helped me to my feet.

"Adam you are great. And I would never ask you to change." He said before we started heading back to my house.

After a while of walking he broke the silence.

"By the way" he said with a smile "There's nothing wrong with ice cream".

And after a few seconds he added, "Unless you're lactose intolerant."

I snorted with amusement. "What a stupid thing to say, wasn't it? It killed my whole speech." We both laughed. "I probably drank too much tonight."