The Light of His Life (Zak Bagans Fanfiction)

Chapter 26 - There You Have It

Hi, again Reader,

It's still me, Solina. The past 25 chapters are what have been the most eventful occurrence of my freshmen year of college. It's been about three months since it all went down. It was quite traumatic, to say the least. 

Amanda moved out of our dorm and decided to spend the rest of the year living from home. Her side of the room, once filled with her black bedspread, guitar, and band posters, was now empty. She left nothing behind for me to remember her by. All I had was the framed picture of us in kindergarten that stood at my bedside. I know it sounds pathetic, but sometimes I would sit there and stare at it. I miss her a lot. I didn't realize how much I had hurt her. I should have done more to try and get her back. It was too late now. 

Molly and I never talked again. When she did try confronting me during a sorority meeting, I noticed a ring on her left hand. I later learned that Molly's last name is Bagans. Molly and that bastard were married the entire time. How could she have let me date him? Was I some little toy for him to play with? A challenge? Either way, they had one fucked up relationship. 

As for Zak, the two of us never officially broke up, but frankly, I don't think we needed to. I thought I made myself pretty clear when I stomped away from him and Molly. I felt so betrayed. How could he do that to me? He was well aware that it was my first real relationship. I lost my virginity with him! I know that's really a social construct, but it's important to me. I gave away a part of me that I can't get back. Didn't that mean something to him? Did I mean anything to him? How could he and Molly live with themselves, knowing that I was now broken inside? 

And where had Molly been that entire week I was with Zak? And she then came over to the pool party? How could I have not noticed any interaction between them? I couldn't help but realize it explained how Zak knew so much about me. Molly must have told him everything, from my favorite wine to the name of my math teacher to when I had off from school. She even told him when I was at the library. Didn't they feel any guilt for doing this to me? If they didn't, I must have been quite a fun game for the two of them to play. 

While the two of them did try and confront me on it, I refused to be around them. I just couldn't handle seeing either of them. I didn't need that energy in my life. I guess I know how Amanda feels about me. I knew that if I ignored all of Zak and Molly's attempts to reconnect, so would Amanda. 

I did my best to move on. I deleted Zak's number from my phone, stayed away from places he frequented, deleted pictures of us. Despite all those efforts, I couldn't bring myself to part with his jacket. It still smelled like him. It felt like the one solid thing throughout all of this. If this jacket had made it through the whole year, it must mean something, right? Maybe, there was some chance, some possibility, that what I saw that day at Zak's front door wasn't what I thought it was. I highly doubted it, but I hung on to that thought for life for the rest of the school year.

I tried to focus on school and my extracurriculars. I did end up doing better on my calculus final, thanks to a new tutor who wasn't personally involved with me. He did try asking me out a few times, but I politely declined. I didn't trust many people at this point. I delved into the sorority. I dedicated hours to help with fundraisers, parties, and other events. At the end of the year, I was awarded for being the most dedicated sister. It was good to know that something good came out of this year. 

The year ended and I moved back home. I was happy to be home with my dogs and mom. My mom knew all about what had happened and did my best to comfort me, but she knew how hard it was for me. She sent me on a solo trip to a spa resort up in Washington. I was thankful for the getaway. It was far from Las Vegas, wasn't too hot, and I was alone. I spent about two weeks there, getting pampered like a Kardashian. I got full-set acrylic nails and a gel pedicure one day, and another day I got a full body massage. I also did full-body waxing and probably got four facials. I divulged in luxurious food and used my fake ID to buy some amazing wine. The first few nights I drank a little too much and were spent in a haze. Honestly, though, I felt that it was needed. I wanted to wash Zak down my throat with the most expensive wine my money could buy. 

It felt so good to get away. I was away from all the drama and pain that was tied to home. But it never really went away. Zak sat in the back of my mind, haunting me. As much as I hate to admit it, I really missed him. I missed being in his arms, driving in the car with him, talking Gracie on walks with him. But I had to let go. I had to.

So there you have it, dear Reader. There is my freshman year. I know when I started this letter I was hoping to find out who you are, but after all of this, I don't think I want to anymore. You're still welcome to write back, and if you want to give away your identity, I won't stop you. I hope you enjoyed my story-telling. Thank you for reading this. I feel close to you now, almost bonded to you. I guess anyone would feel that way with a stranger after telling them a scary event in their life. Anyway, thanks.

Yours truly,

Solina Jaurez