Thinking Of You

"Ain't No Way (You Won't Love Me)"

Adrian comes back in a few minutes later with his bag of clothes and walks back into my room. After I finish the dishes, I go to lounge on the couch waiting for him to come back in. I can't believe he's seriously mad that I didn't give him any. This is exactly the selfish shit that I hate with him. I suck my teeth and go to pick up a magazine just as I hear the door open and feel him enter the living room. He sits on the opposite couch in front of me. I don't acknowledge him and continue reading the article, "Is it time to cut him loose?".

"Maybe." I say to myself.

I hear him huff obnoxiously loudly, so I put down the magazine and stare at him. I cock my eyebrow and wait for him to say something. He squints his eyes at me.

"What?" I say. "Are you seriously mad that I didn't have sex with you, because if you are that's really selfish of..."

"Victoria." He growls low and through his teeth, cutting me off. I jerk back in my seat and remain quiet. "Excuse Me" is what I want to say, but I can tell he's in no mood for sass. Instead I decide to look back at him, really look. I can tell that he's genuinely upset, and I know that it would never be because I decided not to have sex with him. He had never done that to me.

"What's wrong, Adrian?" I say mustering up the most compassionately caring voice that I possibly can. Adrian sighs and looks down at the floor.

"Really, tell me what's wrong. I don't have the slightest clue." I say.

"Why don't you ever tell me how you really feel about me, V?"

So this is what it's about. I tell him all the time how I feel. I know I do.

He begins again. "I tell you all the time, but you never tell me." He looks back up to me and waiting for my response.

I sit back on the couch, trying to figure out an answer.

"But... I do, Adrian. I tell you all the time, don't I?" I say.

"No, you don't, Victoria."

"Why would you need me to? Hasn't all of these years, the back and forth between us proved how I've felt about you?" I say back with curious patience.

"You of all people should know that time doesn't mean shit. One minute you could feel one way, and the next another. I need assurance, I need for you to say it."

"Say what, Adrian?" I say voice raising an octave.

"That you love me! That you love me, too." He says standing up.

"What? Of course I do! I'm not understanding why you're mad about something you should already know!"

Now I'm a bit heated. He's going on about something that is evident.

"You're the one that said you didn't know." Adrian retorts back.

"Yea, Adrian. Let me go and tell the guy that has put my heart through the ringer over the last couple years, that I still love him and risk looking like a complete fool." I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes at the absurdity of him and this argument. I fold my arms and push back into the couch, looking at him, look at me.

"How can you be so cold sometimes." He says shaking his head at me.

"Huh? Me?! How can I be so cold? Have you forgotten the last couple years? Just because you're over it and ready doesn't mean I am. You're so damn selfish sometimes, it makes me sick." I say and end with a disgusted face in his direction.

Adrian snorts incredulously. "You're just like your mother." He says almost inaudible. I only catch the "your mother" part, but I can piece together what he's just said. I am fuming. I slowly get to my feet and walk right up to his chest.