Thinking Of You

"Static"

Drying my eyes, I look over to the clock that reads 2:22 a.m. I slowly pull myself up and the room sways, while pain lines the backs of my eyes. I slowly walk to the bathroom and look into the mirror at my rough and puffy eyes. I shake my head and wonder to myself how I keep ending up like this. I open the medicine cabinet, take out a bottle of pain killers, drop a few into my hand and cup my hand under the running water to help lubricate the pills slipping down my throat. I cling to the sides of the sink, slowly breathing as I try to ebb the pain in my both my head and my heart away.

After a few moments of contemplation, I slink back to my room and sit at the edge of my bed and contemplate a little more, looking out the window as if that would bring me some clarity to my situation.

The huge breath that I finally release does little to ease the stress of today. Between my parentS arguing, and my arguing with Adrian, I'm a tired mess.

I make the decision to finally end today and go to sleep as I see my phone light up with a notification in my periphery.

Adrian: "Are you awake, V?"

"Yes" I type back.

Adrian: "Can I come over?"

Instead of typing the reply I know I should, I simply type the word "yes", and lie back on my bed waiting for his arrival.

I doze off for a while and three rapid knocks jars me conscious.

"Here we go." I say, sighing to myself, pulling on pajama shorts and going to open the door.

I don't bother turning on any lights because my headache hasn't left completely, so I fumble around until I get to the door.

I open it and see that Adrian doesn't look any better than I do. We both need sleep. I simply take his hand and lead him to my bedroom.

We stand there for a long while facing each other in the dim lighting coming in through my window. I stare back at him wondering if I have any fight left in me to continue whatever it is that we keep doing. Wondering why he's even here to begin with. Even though I'm at my wits end, there is always that tiny sliver of, something, that keeps urging me forward with him. Adrian stares back at me with what seems to be confusion, hurt, and longing coupled with sheer exhaustion.

He goes to say something and I simply place a finger over his lips and shake my head no, making a motion towards my bed.

I get on one side and he gets in at the other. Both lying here, looking up at the ceiling, at nothing. I can feel Adrian's heat radiating against me and I shiver, not because I'm cold, but at the rush of emotions that are charging through me, my mind and body too exhausted to stop them.

Adrian moves closer to me and whispers so low that it's barely audible.

"Come here, Love."

My heart begins to beat double time and allowing every feeling I have for this man to flow through me, I turn to my side and move closer. Adrian wraps a strong, warm arm around my waist and pulls me even closer to him, burying his head further into my neck. Before I know it I hear his tiny snores and not long after I drift off to sleep.

For some reason I always sleep the best when I'm next to him. I have never been able to acquire the exact same cycles of rest that I can when he's next to me. With that thought, I open my eyes and look over to the clock a second time this morning, 10:42 am. I never sleep this long, well at least not by myself. I try to wiggle out from under Adrian, who's still clinging to me like a life raft, when I hear a soft and sleepy, but deep "no" come from him. I involuntarily grin to myself.

"Why not?" I finally say back, trying to take the smile out of my voice.

I can feel Adrian's nose nuzzle the back of my neck and I shiver.

"You always smell so good, V." Adrian says into my neck. "Being next to you will always be one of my favorite places to be."

I stay quiet for another while and so does he. He takes the time to shift me back closer to him, so now my ear is near his mouth. I really need to ask him why he decided to come over, but the question keeps taking a backseat to other matters.

Adrian presses his lips ever so gently against me and runs them up and down my spine, leaving the tickling sensations of stubble in its wake. I melt with each pass of his thick, mahogany lips over my hot and flushed skin.

"Adrian." I say his name on a whisper. The sensation is so overwhelming that I can't even think. I move back into him, my hips moving against him with a mind of their own. I try to regain control again, by calling out his name once more.

"Hmm" Adrian says distracted as he continues to make the trip back up and down my skin.

"Damn, girl. I can never get enough sometimes." He says as his hand starts to trail up my thigh.

"No, no" I say to myself as I stop him with my hand, regaining my wits about me. I'll be damned if we repeat the past.

"Adrian, stop, stop." I say and untangle myself from under him. I move towards the end of the bed to face him, crossing my legs beneath me. He looks like he's about to strangle and then straddle me. He blinks a few times to clear away his apparent frustration. He must have taken off his shirt in the middle of the night. The covers slowly slips down his torso as he sits up. I have to refrain from straddling him myself, but more pressing matters exists.

Sighing, I begin. "Why did you come over?"

He stares a beat before responding. The sunlight from the windows catches his brown eyes as he contemplates his answer.

"I... I honestly don't know. I just needed to see you."

"Hmm... I see." I trail off.

I honestly don't know what to say to that. It's all been so tumultuous. It's all too much and not enough.

"I'm hungry and I can't really think on an empty stomach. I'm about to make breakfast. Meet me in the kitchen whenever you're ready." I slip off of the bed and make my way towards the kitchen.

I hear the water from my shower turn on and the door close. Twenty minutes later I hear it shut off as I finish up the eggs, bacon, pancakes, sausages and biscuits.

Adrian struts into the kitchen, towel around his waist and takes a seat at the table. I eye him surreptitiously while I place his plate in front of him along with a fork, glass of orange juice, butter and syrup. I take my place in front of him and begin pouring syrup onto my pancakes.

"What took you so long in the shower? I was just about to come and check on you." I say around a mouth full of pancakes.

Adrian looks up from his plate and gives me a "What do you think?" Look, rolls his eyes and goes back to his breakfast.

I shake my head and laugh into my cup of apple juice.

I place my cup back down onto the table as I try to eye Adrian to get his attention. He doesn't look up.

"Food, good?" I ask, trying again to regain eye contact.

"Mmhmm" he says pointedly.

I narrow my eyes at him. "What's your problem?"

"Nothing." He says.

"Yes there is. Just tell me." I say, voice raising a bit.

Adrian's fork clatters to the plate as he drops it and looks up at me, eyes storming.

"Victoria, I said nothing. Just drop it." Voice low and rumbling.

We stare back at each other. The looks we give each other are vicious. I finally concede and get up to take my plate to the sink.

"You know what, whatever. I'm tired of trying to figure out your moods every two seconds. That shit gets old." I say, scrubbing the pots and pans in rage.

"Victoria, please. You're so damn mercurial, I can never know which way you feel on a given day. Give me a break." Adrian says scooting back in his seat and getting up.

"Where the hell are you going?" I call out to him as he makes his way to the front door. 

"To get my clothes out of the damn car." He says and slams the door on the way out.

I roll my eyes and return to the task of washing the dishes.