Licensed to Kill

Chapter 11

Caught up in arguably the greatest moment of passion in our adult lives, we were a rush of raw, intense emotion. We were desperate to force every need, every craving, everything we'd felt for each other in the last four years apart into one night of unmatched endearment.

Years of pent up misery over our separation and my belief that Dallas had been dead coupled with years of desire to be together again, to love again like we used to, to touch and kiss and make love the way we used to do. We were feverish, primal. We were lost in one another. Every touch, every sound, every kiss brought with it nearly half a decade's worth of pain and heartache and pining away for each other. I could feel how much he'd longed for me and needed me. He could feel how much I'd anguished over him and how much I still loved him. But still, no amount of blissful sighs, or possessive grasps of each other, or breathless repetitions of "I love you's" could accurately showcase our true feelings over finally being together again. It was impossible to put into words, and touch only halfway did our emotions justice.

My lungs felt tight from the lack of air, as we'd been frantically kissing each other like this was the last time we'd ever kiss again. Given the severity of the situation, it very well could be, but I refused to let those menacing thoughts creep back into my mind. For the time being, all I would allow myself to focus on was him. Being with him, getting to touch him again, getting to feel his hands on me again. Tasting him, breathing his air, studying the way his body reacted to the way I moved against him. These were all things I'd taken for granted when we'd been together years ago.

Although our relationship was forbidden and our profession was as dangerous as they come, it had never crossed my mind that what we had could be wiped away in the blink of an eye. Because of that, I'd taken every kiss and hug for granted. I'd taken every movie night for granted. I'd taken every night sneaking out of our bunkhouses to meet up by our tree in the park for granted.

Our tree... I'd walked passed it so many times since the incident. Aside from a maroon sweatshirt and a few knickknacks he'd given me over the years, that tree was the last thing I had to remember Dallas David by. I'd spent hours and hours sitting on the same paint-chipped park bench beside that aspen. I spent the most time there in the fall when I could watch its leaves change to a vibrant yellow. Especially on October ninth – Dallas's birthday. That was my favorite time to go there and reminisce about all the times we'd snuck out and I'd sat on his lap at the base of that tree while we talked about everything we wanted out of life. At the base of that tree on a plaid flannel picnic blanket had been the first time he and I made love.

I wasn't going to take this time for granted. I wasn't going to pretend we had eternity together when everything was so uncertain. This time, I was going to love him like it was the last time. This time, I was going to memorize every aspect of being completely connected with the man I loved, so that if fate was to drive us apart again, neither of us would ever be able to forget the way it felt to be two hearts beating as one together.

As dawn was approaching, the faintest streaks of orange in a dark sky, we were just getting started. Dallas and I were taking our time, not just with undressing each other, but with everything.

The kisses had started out fast and urgent, both of us scrambling to get closer in every way possible. No kiss was deep enough or rough enough. We needed more. So much more. But once our breathing had turned to moans and our touches turned to ripping Dallas's vest from his body, I'd pulled away, telling him that I needed this to be slow. I needed to make slow, incomparable love to him, and I needed to memorize every single detail about it. He'd understood, and I could see in his eyes that he needed the same thing just as much as I did.