// ELSE WHERE //
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Update: I felt that this was the right thing to do. I didn't like doing it, but I had no other choice.
Finn pushed me up against the wall, holding my hands above my head like a rope tied around my wrists, kissing me roughly. I kissed back but only for a few seconds. I then stopped, pulling away from him. He pouted, "what's wrong?" He asked. "Finn I," he then frowned. "I need to tell you something." I lay down beside him on his bed, my head in the crook of his neck. "It's a-about the baby," I began. Finn stayed silent. "I.." I bit my lip hard, and I'm pretty sure it started to bleed. "I think I want an abortion." I sniffled, trying not to start crying. "Oh..." Finn sat up facing me. He wiped a tear that was left on my cheek with his soft thumb. "I felt that I needed to tell you." I lowered my head in guilt. "No no, it's uh.. it's better to know." He cleared his throat. "If, if it's what we want, what you want, Millie.. than I'm supporting you." He said. "It's not your fault but mine. I really fucked it up this time." He ran his hand through his hair. I pulled him in for a tight hug, tugging at his curly hair. I then kissed him passionately. "We need to raise some money." He admitted, making me sulk. "I'm sorry that I did this to you." He admitted. "It's not your fault Finn." I smiled so weakly, I didn't even show my teeth.
Mom always used to tell me that miracles were real, and not just on Christmas. She told me that when I was born, I could have had breast cancer, like she had, but she told me an angel flew down from heaven and made me perfect. But I knew now that I wasn't perfect. But I felt that I was doing the right thing with my body, and for my future. I wasn't ready to be a mother. I was only in the eleventh grade, and with my disability, it wasn't right. But I also had to raise the money to pay for my operation. I truly did feel guilty about my child. I had a child. My child. But I had very little options. I could have the kid, and put it up for adoption and grieve for the rest of my life at what I had done, or, give it up. And I know that it sounds cruel and mean, but I had to do what was right.
If only Mom was here.
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We all sat on Sadie's roof of her house. The sun was going down an I really wanted to paint it, but I knew it wasn't the right time.
Noah, Gaten, Sadie, and Finn sat around me. "Where the hell is Caleb?" Gaten blurted out, making Finn frown at him. Sadie lowered her head at, Caleb's, name. I felt bad for Sadie. Mostly because she only told me that she came out as lesbian, and she is avoiding Caleb. A black, year 2000 Bentley, pulled up on the side of the road in front of Sadie's house. I bit my lip as I saw Sadie tense her body up at the sight of Caleb walking across the lawn. He did some weird hand shake with Finn. "Hey man," they said to each other. "Why am I here?" He asked, crossing his legs. "I wanted to tell you guys something. Something that I wanted to tell you for a while." I scratched a mosquito bite on my leg. "I'm," I took a breath. "I want an abortion." I sighed. Everyone stared at me, including Caleb, who I didn't even tell I was pregnant. "Wait Wait.. what!?" The darker skinned boy put his hands out in confusion. "When was all this shit supposed to happen? You're pregnant?" He looked at me, then at Finn. "Nice man!" He high fives Finn. I cleared my throat, making him change his expression and stop laughing. "Sorry." He said flatly. "I thought you guys should no." I looked down. "We're here to support you mills." Noah placed his hand on my shoulder. "You and Finn." He added. I touched his soft hand back.
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Today I felt like shit.
I looked in the full length mirror in our guest bedroom. I looked like a frump. I had horribly, ugly brown hair that was basically straw, my eyebrows were too thin, I had no lips, and I was as thin as a twig. Wait, scratch that.. a twig that didn't eat. Noah walked in the room, with his cup of tea, as usual. "I'm such a frump." I say aloud to him. He frowned instantly. "Shut up Millie. You're beautiful." He argued, sitting on the bed and finishing his book. "Yeah right," I scoffed. "I look just the same as I did ten years ago!" I groaned. "Take that back." Noah stated, making me turn to him. I looked back in the mirror. "Holy shit." I said in complete shock. "What is it!?" Noah scurried up from his bed, acting like there was about to be an earth quake or something. "I have stretch marks!" I put my hands on my mouth. Noah rolled his eyes and flopped back on the bed. "Ugh Noah!" I shook the boy violently. "Ow Ow! Millie! Millie!" He said, his whole body wiggling back and forth. "That popping sound is my knee cap!" He stated. I finally stopped, letting go of his shoulders and lying carefully next to him, trying not to hurt my stomach. "Millie you are not ugly." He said, adjusting his position. He let out a huff, staring at my stomach as I shut my eyes. "How are you feeling?" He asked. "Ugh why does everyone ask that." I grunted. "Um, oh.. I dunno, maybe because you're pregnant!" Noah said sarcastically. "Yeah I don't need the reminder thank you very much!" I sat up, lying beside him. "I need to raise some money." I say. "I'll help you Millie." Noah said kindly. I looked up at him. "Really?" I smiled. "Course! You're not in this alone." He sipped his tea, making me lay my head on his shoulder, and think about what will happen next.
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