✖He's Not Mine [An Utterly Ridiculous Dramione Baby Story . . . Sort-of]

EIGHT

TOBIAS GETS A GODFATHER

Hermione was sitting in the Great Hall with Lavender, Tobias in a carry-cot on the bench between them, the two girls eating breakfast. Students stared openly, some whispering their wonder if the child was really Professor Snape.

Ginny Weasley sat down across them. "Morning, Hermione, Lavender. So, that's Professor Snape, huh?"

Lavender smiled. "Actually, his name is now Tobias Harlow Severus Peyton Malfoy."

Ginny frowned, blinked, then tried to repeat it. Tobias . . . Harley . . . Severus . . . Malfoy?"

Lavender shook her head. She repeated Tobias's full name again with no pause.

Ginny shook her head. "I'm just gonna call him Toby."

Hermione smiled. "Do you see what happens when you put Lavender and Malfoy in charge of something?"

"So, if he thinks you're his mum, and he thinks Malfoy is his dad, who does he think Lavender is?"

"Malfoy named me godmother," Lavender said as she shoved a spoonful of pudding in her mouth.

"Malfoy did that?" Ginny asked.

Hermione shrugged. "She wanted to take blame for turning Snape into a newborn too, so she gets to be godmother."

Ginny laughed. "Hermione!" she scolded mockingly. "I thought I was your closest friend! I thought we agreed I'd be your baby's godmother!"

"Don't worry," Lavender said. "I'm sure they'll name you godmother of their next child."

"Lavender!" Hermione scolded.

Draco laughed as he came up behind Hermione and Lavender. "I agree with Granger, Brownie. Anyway, I just came to fetch Tobias. Pansy's taken a liking to him and asked if she could spend the day with him. I said yes."

Hermione nodded. "Pass on my well-wishes to her mental stability."

"I'll make sure to quote you," Draco said with a grin as he grabbed the handle of the carry-cot.

Ginny watched him leave. "That baby is doing wonders for Malfoy's personality."

Lavender smirked at Ginny. She cast a brief glance at the brunette beside her. "I know. Just imagine what a biological baby that calls Hermione mum will do."

"Lavender Jessica Brown! I cannot believe you just said that!"

Lavender grinned for a moment before a frown crossed her features. "Hey, where'd you learn my middle name?"

Hermione smiled sheepishly. "It was on your St Mungo's form. I caught a glimpse of it in June when I came to visit."

"Ah. Well, why don't you even the playing field?"

Hermione shrugged. "Jean."

"Mine's Molly," Ginny added, "since I know yours too, Lavender."

Lavender nodded. "Nice. Now we're all equal."

She smiled brightly. Ginny stared at Lavender and Hermione as they ate their breakfast. Ginny knew that Hermione had developed an intense dislike for Lavender during their sixth year year. Ginny wondered if Hermione saving Lavender's life was the only thing that altered their relationship.

It had appeared to Ginny in the beginning that Lavender was sort of clingy, but she seemed to be all right now, generally spending time with the Patil twins or her roommates, Fay Dunbar and Eloise Midgen. Rarely, but still often enough, Lavender could be seen with a Slytherin girl Ginny recognised from her class.

Ginny smiled. If there was one good thing that came out of the war, it was that hatred seemed to have become trivial, silly, and of no consequence.

■■■■■

Draco trusted Pansy not to accidentally harm his godfather -- while he was around. That's why he found himself going over his homework in the Slytherin common room while Pansy cooed and laughed with the baby in the bassinet she'd conjured.

Blaise had been in his room, studying for his Ancient Runes test, but the incessant giggling was beginning to disturb him. He closed the book and grabbed it as his choice weapon and marched to the common room. He stopped short when he noticed Draco in the armchair in the corner, Pansy in the middle and the bassinet.

"Pans, did you give birth while I wasn't looking?"

Pansy rolled her eyes at Blaise. "No. This is . . . hang on a minute, this is Tobias Severus Peyton . . . Halley? . . ."

"Tobias Harlow Severus Peyton Malfoy," Draco spoke up without taking his eyes off his books.

"Ah. So the professor is here today."

"He's not a professor, Blaise," Pansy scoffed. "He's a baby. Draco's little angel, to be precise."

"My mistake," Blaise said with a slight grin, catching Draco's subtle eye-roll at Pansy.

"What are you even doing here? Don't you have an Occlumency lesson with some fifth years?"

Blaise shrugged. "Potter wanted to trade. He said he'd like to study tonight for our Potions quiz tomorrow. I said I'll take the fifth years during his session."

"Oh, so you're free now?"

Blaise shook his head. "No. I'm studying for Ancient Runes. I have a test next period."

Pansy rolled her eyes. "Liar. You said the test is next week."

"He's not lying," Draco said, glancing up. "They have a mock test now and then another for the grade next week."

"How do you know that, mate?"

Draco raised an eyebrow. "Granger's been studying her arse off from last night."

"Fair enough."

Pansy sat down next to the bassinet on a chair she conjured, her hand hanging in front of Tobias's face. "So, you and Granger, huh?"

Draco raised an eyebrow. "Well, actually, Snape's a kid because of us and Brown. I refuse to take fifty percent of the blame. Thirty-three is too much, too."

Pansy rolled her eyes. "No, no. I saw the kid's birth certificate. I know what I read."

"Mate," Blaise said, "is there something you're not telling us?"

Draco glared at Pansy. "I hate you so much, you conniving little f--"

"Do mind your language, Draco," Pansy said. "I'd hate for Granger to think I taught your son such foul words."

"I still hate you."

Blaise grinned. "Hey, Draco, I have a question. Who's the kid's godfather? I heard Brown is godmother."

Draco glared at Blaise. "Well, since you so kindly sided with Pansy, it's not you."

"I thought we had an agreement, mate."

Pansy grinned. "Relax, Blaise. This is just their first child. I'm sure you'll get to be godf--" Pansy broke off as she shrieked suddenly and fell off her chair.

"Do shut up, Pans," Draco said. "It was a harmless jinx."

"I was surprised," Pansy snapped. She brushed herself off and sat down again. "But now that you mention it, who is the kid's godfather?"

"I don't bloody know," Draco mumbled, absently. "You could name Scarface or Weaselbutt for all I care."

"You mean you could name one of them," Blaise said with a grin.

"Yeah, that. Whatever. Weaselbutt's godfather. Have fun."

"Did you record it?" Pansy asked.

"Yep," Blaise responded. Then he bolted from the common room, laughing at the look on Draco's face. "WEASEL! WEASEL! WEASLEY!!"