Love Sick

Part 4

I put on my brave face and try to push aside my anxious feelings. I can do this. I spot Nathan stood by a table talking to Jacob. Walking over, I start picking at my hands; one of my nervous habits. I reach the table and interrupt the conversation.

"Excuse me, Nathan could I talk to you please?" I ask

"Sure, I guess" he mumbles.

We walk out of the tent and sit in the sand just outside.

"I would like to apologize for my behavior earlier." I say sincerely.

"It's okay. Honestly, not many people take the chance of getting to know me. I don't know what is wrong with me" He hangs his head, not making eye contact.

"There is nothing wrong with you. It's the people who judge you, and don't put any effort in. I bet you are a great guy" I compliment.

"Thanks, Daniella told me we had a lot in common, I'm just not sure what yet" Sitting back, he glances over.

"I guess we will find out" I say, looking up at the stars.

***

It has been three hours since we started talking. Earlier we went to watch Bridget dance to the song "Thinking out loud" by Ed Sheeran, which was amazing; and then returned to the beach.

I am getting ready to leave and realize that Bridget drove. I find her but she is way to intoxicated to drive home so she is going to stay with Daniella tonight. My mom left early and got a ride back to my house with a cousin.

Nathan offered to drive me home, which I am a bit reluctant about but I don't have much of a choice right now. We walk to his car, and he opens the passenger door for me.

We just make it onto the highway when it begins to rain. Sitting in silence, Nathan reaches out to turn on the radio; Humming along with the song, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

"So" He says, glancing at me, "Are we going to stay quiet the whole drive?"

"No" I answer, biting my lip

"I'll start then. Do you have any siblings?" quickly looking at me again.

"No, It's only me. My sister passed away when she was twelve and I was fourteen." I admit, picking at my nails.

"I'm sorry, what happened? If you don't mind me asking" We begin to slow down and he pulls to the side of the road. The car shuts off. "What the hell" Nathan turns the key, but nothing happens.

"What just happened?" I ask

"I don't know. I'm going to call the garage" He answers. Removing his phone from his pocket, he tries to call, but there is no signal.

"I guess we are stuck here until someone finds us" I say, becoming nervous. What am I supposed to do? I don't want to be stuck in this car with him.

"May as well get comfy" he says, taking off his jacket.

I open my purse and take my anxiety medication. I can't handle this right now.

"What's that, Breath mints?" he asked, taking them from my hand.

"No, can I have them back please?" He reads the label and realization crossed his face.

"I'm sorry" He says, handing them back to me.

"It's fine." I say, deciding to just tell him why I need them. "Mental illness is passed through my family. My grandmother had it, and her mother before. My mom was lucky enough not to experience it, but my sister and I weren't. Her name was Ivy, she would have been twenty this year. Ivy was bullied by her classmates growing up. Things got bad for her, She started talking to a counselor but it didn't seem to help. It just kept getting worse. She was diagnosed with depression and a week later we found her body.

"I'm sorry that you have had to go through that." He says, placing a hand on my knee.

"That's not all" I say, wiping my tears away. "I should have been there for her. I have carried that guilt with me until this day. It wasn't until I was eighteen that I understood what she was going through"

"What happened?" he asked

I explain how my ex-boyfriend was abusive and what had happened.

"I haven't been the same since. I have good days, and last year I was doing very well. Just seeing him brought it all back. Part of me is afraid that I won't be able to handle it, and I don't want to go back to the way I was. I would sit on the floor for hours crying. I hated myself, I mentally beat myself up. I have never hurt myself physically, just mentally. I got some help and started taking medication"

Nathan hands me some tissues and pulls me into a hug. "I kind of understand what you are going through."

"Really?" I ask, moving out of his arms to look at him.

"Yes, I was diagnosed with anxiety, anorexia and depression also, when I was a teenager" He combs his hair with his fingers, thinking of where to start.

"I was sixteen and I began to feel very insecure about my size. People would tell me that I was fat. I went from plus sized, to losing one hundred pounds. I got sick and was sent to the hospital, where I stayed for six months. They monitored me, to make sure I ate and I gained back a little weight. I still struggle with it, but I see a psychiatrist weekly which helps, and I am on medication." He pushed back a piece of my hair and I stared at him.

I would have never thought that he could be dealing with something similar.

"Mental health is just as important as any other illness. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean that it's not important. But people don't seem to understand that." Nathan peered at me from the corner of his eye. "I guess Daniella was right when she said we had things in common"

"Yeah, I guess so"