War Torn

Chapter 70

Felicity pov
I slept terribly that night. I was tossing and turning the entire night. Trystan's words kept repeating in my head. "You should have done a better job, and done the deed." His words were haunting, just like his laugh.

In the morning I got up and took the bandages off my arm. I threw them in the trash. Harry knocked on the door to the bathroom.
"Come to breakfast when you're ready." He Said.
"Alright." I Said, breaking my vow of silence.
"Felicity you know you can talk to me, right?" Harry asked.
"I know," I said softly as tears rolled down my cheeks.
"I'll See you downstairs." Harry said.

When I knew he was gone, I went to the desk and sat down and wrote Harry an apology note. I put it in my pocket and then I went downstairs. I sat with my family as we had breakfast but I didn't touch my food.
"Aren't you hungry? You didn't eat at all yesterday." Harry asked.
"I'm not hungry." I Said.

A knock came at the garage door. Harry got up and went to the door. Ava appeared at the back door with Calum. I let them in and Ava gave me my meds.
"Can you give me something stronger?" I asked as I looked at the antidepressant.
"I'll talk with your doctor." She Said.
"I just want something to make this pain go away." I said softly. Ava pulled me outside.
"Felicity what's going on?" She asked.
"It's Trystan." I said.
"He's In prison," She Said.
"That doesn't mean the memories don't exists." I Said.
"Why haven't you told Harry or I? Is this what this whole funk you've been in for the last year, is about?" Ava asked.
"Please don't tell Harry. Our secret." I Said.
"If it escalates I will have to tell him." She Said.
I nodded. I took the antidepressant and I went inside.
"Hey are you alright?" Harry asked as he put his hand on my arm.
"I'm fine, I was just talking about some girl things with Ava." I said as I shrugged it off.
"Well your mum is here for the children." Harry said.
"Alright." I sat back in my chair. My children left without me noticing Them.

I went back to my window sill and I watched the garden with purpose. I was going to finish the job.

I waited for Ava and Charlie to both be out of the house so I could go in.

When I saw my opportunity, I went down the backstairs and out the servants entrence. I went into Ava's house and I searched the house till I found where she kept my medicine. I grabbed the bottle of antidepressants. I took the lid off and downed half the bottle. My world was spinning and I fell to the floor. And then I realized I didn't want to go.

Ava pov
After Calum's walk I went back into my house. I saw the medicine cabinet open. I swore I had closed it. I walked over and I screamed when I saw Felicity. I put Calum on the counter and pulled out my phone. I called Kenton as I checked her pulse.
"What is it Ava?" He answered.
"I've just found Felicity. Have a helicopter brought out here immediately." I looked at the bottle in her hand.
"I think she's tried to kill herself." I Said as I crouched down and checked her pulse and breathing. "She's alive now, but I don't know how many pills she took." I Said.
"Charlie!" I screamed for my husband as I heard the sliding door open.
"What!" He asked as he came in. His eyes widened.
"Get Harry." I commanded. He grabbed Calum and ran out.

Harry pov
I sat in the living room wrapping a Christmas present for Felicity, when Charlie ran in.
"Harry!" He exclaimed.
"What?" I asked.
"Felicity's tried to kill herself." He panted.

I tossed the present aside and I jumped the couch and ran after him. I pushed him out of the way as I ran to their house.

I went in the back door and Milo was following me. Ava was on the floor with Felicity who was unconscious.
"Felicity! Felicity, please. Wake up." She yelled.
"How is she?" I asked as I moved the bottle and took Felicity's hand.
I noticed a card in the pocket of her shirt. I took it out.
"Dear Harry," it read. "If you're reading this, then you've probably found my dead body. I'm sorry I had to do this. But I couldn't go on. Trystan has been sending me letters and I've been reading them. I've found myself in the middle of a deep hole and I can't get out. So this is my way out. -"

"Harry help me!" Ava screamed.
Felicity was sezing. I held her down as paramedics came in. I could hear a helicopter outside.
"What happened?" One Asked.
"Suicide attempt." Ava said before speaking medical jargon to the paramedics.

They put Felicity on a stretcher after her seizure ended. I followed as they took her to the helicopter. They loaded her in and I got in along with Ava, who was still talking medical jargon with the paramedics. One of the paramedics pulled up Felicity's sleeve up and revealed cuts all up her forearm.
"Did you know about those?" Ava asked.
"No, she doesn't let me in the bathroom when she's in there." I said as I pulled up her other sleeve and found the same thin cuts.
"These are fresh." Ava said looking at them. "At least 48 hours old."

I felt sick to my stomach, I hadn't been there for Felicity when she needed me, why hadn't she spoken to me about this?

They got Felicity to the hospital and she had another seizure.

•••

Felicity pov
I felt frozen, yet I could hear. Was this death? I didn't want it to be, I prayed it was.
"Felicity," I heard Harry's sympathetic voice. I felt a hand stroke my hair.
"My sweet Felicity, why?" Harry said.
I wanted to speak, I wanted to apologize for everything.
"Come in," Harry said.
"How is she?" It sounded like Will.
"She's in a coma." Harry said.
"Well she took a hundred pills. It's a miracle she's alive." Will said. I heard Harry sobbing.
"This is just like mum all over again." Harry cried.
"Harry," Will sounded closer.

My Harry was in pain and it was my fault. I focused all my energy on my eyes and opening them.

I saw the fluorescent lights of a hospital room. I turned my head to Harry. Will was standing next to him, his hand on Harry's shoulder. I reached for Harry. I put my hand on his and he looked up.
"Felicity," Harry hugged me.
"I'm so sorry, Harry." I said as I wiped his tears away.
"I thought I lost you." Harry said.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have tried to take my life." I Said.
"Why would you even try to do that?" Harry asked.
"Trystan, it's always Trystan." I Said.
"What has that monster done now?" Harry's brow furrowed.
"He's been writing to me, our staff did a good job of keeping the letters from me, but once I discovered them. I couldn't stop reading them." I Said as Will Went and got a doctor.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Harry moved some of my hair off my face.
"I... I don't know, I was scared on how you would react." I Said.
"Felicity?" Harry said sympathetically.
"I'm sorry, I thought you would be mad about me reading the letters and the self harm." I Said as I looked at my stump.
Harry hugged me, "You know, I would have helped you through it. I will help you through everything." Harry said.
I started crying, "I'm sorry Harry, I ..the fear was consuming me, blurring the help that was right in front of me." I Said.
"It's alright, everything is gonna be alright." Harry said as he wiped my tears away. I smiled for the first time in a while.
"You can rip that letter up, I'm sorry I left it for you. I hate that you had to read that." I Said.
"Ava has the letter, she's with your doctor and the Royal therapist. They're deciding on what to do after you're released." Harry said.
"If it's alright with you, I'd like it go to a rehabilitation center for suicidal and depressed women." I Said.
"Alright, But until then, we'll work on putting the pieces back together. Matha's already had the locks taken off in our room. They searched our entire room for any razor blades and things you might have hurt yourself with." Harry laid in the bed next to me and held my hand.
"I'm sorry I hurt you," I said. "I'm sorry I remind you of your mum. I don't want to hurt you."
"In some aspects it's good you remind me of my mum. You have her same spirit, and some of her same baggage." Harry looked at my wrist.
"I tried to kill myself twice." I said.
"That's what the doctor's assumed by the cuts on your arms." Harry said while looking at the bandages on my arm. I realized I wasn't wearing my prosthetic.
"Did they fine the other cuts?" I asked.
"They found the ones on your stump if that's what your asking." Harry said.
"Im sorry I kept this from you." I said.
"I'm sorry I didn't ask you if you were Alright earlier. I'm sorry I didn't notice you were in pain." Harry kissed my forehead.
"I'm sorry I didn't open up to you." I said.

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A/n: Hey sorry about the sad chapter.
-Princess