crash. | lil peep |

4

   the girls left the car about thirty minutes after Gus picked me up, but not without kissing him all over his face and of course grabbing his dick then waltzing away with the swing of their hips. they were quite gorgeous, and I admired them in some sort of way. neither I or Gus spoke. I broke the silence ten minutes later.
    "I'm sorry for kissing Tracey." I mumbled. I wasn't sorry, really. But it was the right thing to do, to apologize. Maybe he would become less angry.
   Gus let out a deep sigh. "Whatever. It doesn't matter."
I rolled my eyes, and shrugged. "Keep that up then."
Gus slammed on his breaks, after pulling to the side of the road before turning to me. "Do you wanna know what I fucking hate about you?"
Anger began to boil in my stomach, low and hot. "Mmm, sure." I responded with a shrug. I refused to take part in his bullshit.
"That you're so fucking blind to how beautiful you are and how fucking unique you are. You seriously fucking think you're average and that if you go around fucking everyone and kissing other people you won't hurt anybody."
My heart fluttered at the complimentary part before I quickly pushed it away. "Why are you fucking getting hurt because I'm only doing what you wanted?"
"Because you're all I want." Gus spat. We stared each other down until he spoke again. "When I first saw those fucking eyes of yours in the crowd, and saw you holding your hand against your heart because you felt the music: I knew I wanted you. I knew, that you were going to be mine."
For a moment, I was struck. I didn't know what to say. Gus could clearly tell my surprise, because he just sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. "You know what? Forget it. Forget I ever — " Before he could finish what he was saying, I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and yanked him towards me. Without a moments hesitation I slammed my lips against his, bringing my hand to the back of his head and playing with the hair. I pulled back after a moment.
"I want you too, idiot." I whispered, my forehead pressed against his. We sat together like that for a while, my head against his and our breaths slowly coming into each other's rhythm. It felt like a dream, and for a moment I wasn't alone on the ledge. It was just Gus and I, together.

(☹)

The next morning, I woke up next to Gus. Well, on top of him. We were both naked, having fucked last night. Somehow this time the sex was different, more gentle and loving but still passionate. It less mindless than the pure ravaging before hand. We weren't in my bed this time, but his bunk in the back of the bus. Everything was simple, and sweet.
     "Good morning." Gus whispered to me, playing with the baby hairs that sprung into curls at my forehead. I hated them.
     "Morning." I whispered back, I looked up at him with a smile. He smiled back, before bringing his lips to my forehead. He smelt like his deodorant and his cologne, along with sweat. It was then I noticed how hot it was, and how completely starving I was. My stomach made a loud growl, and I kicked the blankets off my legs.
   "Are you hungry?" Gus asked, smiling his crooked half smile that I adored. I nodded, and Gus pushed himself from the bed and made his way down to the floor. Tossing on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt.
   "I'm gonna go get us some food. Stay here, and sleep more. You look tired." Gus stated before exiting the room, and I listened for the open and close of the bus doors before I rolled over onto the mattress again. This Gus, possibly the real Gus, made my insides melt. I loved it, but then again I was afraid he would just vanish into the Gus who's pupils were blown wide and he didn't seem to care about emotion. I thought about this while I drifted off to sleep, only to be awoken about an hour later when Gus slid a white styrofoam box by my face.
   "French toast," Gus said with a smile. He climbed up to his bed with me, and opened the box for me. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, before I took in the amazing smell of the meal and began to devour it. Gus watched me with a smile, before he spoke.
"Horsehead and I have to go do some things before we leave for Houston, Tracey is here to keep you company. Gotta go Boo." He leaned over and kissed the top of my head. My mouth was too full to speak but I just nodded. He left, and I spent the rest of my time devouring my meal.
Tracey came in moments later, his face sullen. Immediately I got nervous. "Jude," he mumbled. "You can't be with Gus. I'm sorry. But no."
I got off the bunk, confused.
"Why do you say that, Tracey?"
Tracey looked pained, and he purses his lips before looking at me. "It's just not a good idea. It's really not."
I rolled my eyes and pushed him aside as I bent down to grab my clothes from the floor. I of course managed to change into my underwear before Tracey came in, luckily. "I don't care if you think it's a good idea or not, Tracey."
Tracey let out a deep sigh before he spoke again. "You're being so fucking stubborn can you actually listen? He's just going to hurt you, just like he does every ti–" Suddenly he cut himself off, and his eyes widened. After pulling on my shirt I swung around, glaring at him.
"What do you mean, like he does every time?" I asked. Tracey began to fidget now. I pushed myself closer to him. "Tracey, what do you mean?"
Tracey pushed off his nervous shell and rolled his eyes. "Forget it, Jude. It doesn't matter. Enjoy your fucking breakfast." With that he turned around, but he was still in ear shot when I yelled out.
"I'm not going to fucking forget what you said, asshole!"
    Why in the fuck did he say that? It wasn't as if this was the millionth time Gus had hurt me. Or the first for that matter. God he was irritating. Everyone was irritating, really, when all they did was throw around attitude. It was bullshit.
I got up, and went to the shower that was in the bus. I came out still crusty as fuck because all guys use is that 3-in-1 bullshit. Disgusting. While I was tearing through the tangles in my hair I heard a knock on the door. "Baby," Gus's voice sunk through my skin, and calmed my racing mind. "Are you okay?"
   Gus came in at my hesitated answer of 'I'm fine'. He immediately noticed my worried expression. "Baby, what's wrong?"
   "Tracey. Something is off, I don't know what it is. But I got the same vibe when he and horsehead gawked at me. I don't know what's going on, but I don't belong." I spoke with a rushed tempo, voice lowered. I didn't want to meet his eyes so I pretended to work at the roots of my hair. He didn't fall  for it.
   "That's bullshit," he said. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him. My ear was pressed against his chest. "You belong here. You always will."
   I pulled back from him, shaking my head. "I'm not into the party life style, Gus. I never will be. I just want a relationship with naps and bowling dates okay. I can't be drugged out all the time. Maybe when I'm gone. Maybe when I'm dead. But I have to see the colors as they are."
   "Then you don't have to be drugged out. I'll take you everywhere, baby. I'll show you every color imaginable. Just stay. Please. Please stay here."
   My chest ached. I knew I wouldn't have to be drugged out, but he would? Was that really a relationship? I sighed before holding onto his back, squeezing tightly.
    "I'll stay." I mumbled. "For now."
   "Oh thank god," he whispered. "You're mine? Did you know that?"
    I smiled slightly and nodded. "I know."
  Gus squeezed me tighter, and rested his cheek on my head.
   "My Julia..."
-
   HELLO ALL I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE IVE BEEN SEVERELY BUSY WITH WORK. NEW DRAMA IS COMING SOON, AND YES IT WAS MEANT TO BE JULIA!!!

rest easy hellboy ❤️