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lilpeep : ill make sure those tan lines go away on our trip around the world

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lilpeep : ill make sure those tan lines go away on our trip around the world...
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  Julia. He said Julia. Not Jude. Panic raced through my chest, and instead of pulling myself away I buried myself further into his chest. Maybe it was a mistake. He probably slept with another girl not even ten mins before this, that was probably her name. Maybe.
   I pulled myself away from him and sighed, running my hands over my face. I looked at him, and he was staring down at my tits. Fuck. I was naked. "Get out," I said with a grin. "Fucker."
     Gus laughed before he shrugged and reached to slap my ass. "Why should I? It's not like I haven't seen every inch of your body."
   I pushed against his chest, smiling and laughing. He pretended to die on top of me, pushing all his weight down on my arms.
   "Get. Out." I said through gritted teeth, struggling to push him through the door. Once I finally did, I slammed the door shut behind him and locked it. I heard him laughing from the other side. I smiled, and searched for my clothes. I tossed them on and quickly pushed my hair into a pony tail.
   From that point on, Gus and I stayed as a public couple. I of course got whiplash from his fans, many of them not satisfied with me. Anywhere from my looks to anything I had posted just became a new opportunity to shame me. Gus of course was always concerned that it had bugged me, that I was hurt and  was just hiding it from him. I always waved the emotion off, and the mere messages threatening violence as nothing too serious and deleted and blocked those people. We adopted a kitten, and eventually found ourselves an apartment and settled ourselves there. We were happy, I was happy.
   That changed a very near, rainy Sunday about 6 months later. I was laying next to Gus, his head on my stomach and his snores rumbling in my ears when I received a message from an anonymous account on instagram. It only said one thing. A name. 'Julia Harding.' My heart began to race, my mind immediately going back to the moment when Gus called me Julia. My stomach felt queasy, and I immediately put my phone on the night stand and curled over him. I banished all paranoia from my head.
    I woke up the next morning with Gus gone, and a little note on the nightstand saying. 'Went to see Nick, be back soon. ❤️' Immediately, my mind went back to the message. Julia Harding. It sounded dangerously familiar, and I bit my tongue to stop the feeling of nausea taking over my body. It's fine. Nothing is wrong, it was just a quick slip up. After all if I had the body count that he had, I would have a tough time remembering names too. I winced at that. That would make me another fuck, not someone to love. I looked around our bedroom, listening for any sound of Gus in our apartment and when I found none I quickly dashed over to my laptop that I kept on the TV stand and pulled it from its cord, and dived back into the blankets. First, I was going to do research on the account that sent me the name: rings25467. It was random, and worthless when it came to tracing but I couldn't help but go back to the message. Julia Harding. Julia Harding. Julia Harding. I could practically hear her voice in my head, and I didn't even know who she was.
A quick couple of taps into the search engine, I came to a website which seemed to mourn the death of a startlingly beautiful girl that looked just like me. There was a picture of her, mirroring my dark tangled hair and grey eyes almost perfectly, except she wore the look so different. While she had freckles sitting her nose and cheeks, mine were virtually plain and pasty. Acne scars made their home on my face instead, and continued to do so. Her head was leaned against the side of a mossy brick building, her grey eyes twinkling at me and a smile that made me nervous and flustered just by looking at it. We had the same face, the same nose, and the same pouting lips. I looked more tired than her, and I was the rain falling onto the lilacs in May while she was the perfume that those lilacs brought after the rain. I was intimidated, and I spent a solid five minutes looking at her photo before I began searching the rest of the website.
   There was a message board, full of the expected apologies and promises that come after the death of someone. I quickly spotted the mother of dead me, which I decided to call her considering our close appearance, with every response to every comment. Responses carrying thank you's and details for the wake and funeral. I scrolled past several pictures of her with friends, kissing the cheek of a boy at prom with her, cotton candy grins and bubble gum lips. I saw one in particular of her at a beach and selfishly thought: 'I wish I had a body like that.' Before I realized she was dead, gone. That wasn't her body anymore. It turns out, this grinning girl with sparkling eyes killed herself about October of last year. For what reason, the page didn't say, and I had to take a break to allow my brain to retain the information given to me.
     Before I went through with scrolling some more, I heard the unlocking of the front door and I quickly clicked out of the website and cleared my search history. "I got you some food while I was with nick," Gus said as he made his way to our bedroom. "I hope you don't mind Chinese." I quickly shut my laptop, and turned to him when he walked into the room. I smiled, and shook my head before sticking out my hands for the food.
    For the next couple of hours, I managed to shove the remnants of broccoli beef and chow mein into my mouth as I listened to Gus talk about his morning and watched cartoons, hunched over my crossed legs with the images of the dead me replaying in my head.

(☹)
authors note: HONESTLY YALL, I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE AS FUCK UPDATE I JUST HAVE BEEN VERY UNMOTIVATED FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW AND BETWEEN SCHOOL AND EVERYTHING ELSE I JUST HAVENT HAD TIME SO PLEASE ENJOY AND I WOULD LOVE SOME VOTES

(☹)authors note: HONESTLY YALL, I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE AS FUCK UPDATE I JUST HAVE BEEN VERY UNMOTIVATED FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW AND BETWEEN SCHOOL AND EVERYTHING ELSE I JUST HAVENT HAD TIME SO PLEASE ENJOY AND I WOULD LOVE SOME VOTES

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rest easy hellboy ❤️

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