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   i knew i was going to die. in reality everyone does, but most fear what is to come after. i don't quite fear it. black. peace. the possibility of eternal flame. every theory didn't quite interest me, but i knew that we all lived one life. when our time came, it was done. no more breath, no more emotion. just gone.
     i came about this notion after i woke up from a dream of me tip-toeing on the edge of a building, the wind was insane. a long strand of my chocolate brown hair flew in my mouth and i didn't do anything to move it. i just kept watching my feet, one step after another. i slipped, and with a gasp i leaned towards my left where solid ground was. the solid ground disappeared, and i was on a thin strip of concrete. everything around me was dark, there were stars. it was quiet, and without a second thought: i jumped. it was then that i realized that i would jump from the ledge soon, the ledge being life. i didn't know when or how; but it was bound to happen.
    i was thinking of this when my best friend, Katherine, elbowed me in the side as we were walking back to her car after a considerably long time in the mall. "hey, earth to jude," she said with a worried look. "would you like to go?"
      i blinked, and licked my lips before answering. "go where, exactly?"
     "the lil peep concert! i got two tickets from my brother, he couldn't go because his girlfriend got into  a car accident."
     i smiled. ive liked lil peep quite a lot ever since i was 14. "yes, of course. what kind of question is that?"
     "a brilliant one, considering you were somewhere else."
      "true."
   with that, we climbed into her old Jeep Cherokee and sped off. layla has gotten plenty of tickets, for good reason. luckily the car had airbags.

(☹)

    the concert was later that night and it wasn't too much of a hassle to find parking.Katherine obviously didn't know how to dress for a concert like this, with her boot cut jeans and crop top. it would've been perfect for a more summery, pop like concert. i was a massive contrast to her blonde hair and gentle perfection. in a pair of high waisted ripped shorts, fishnets and vans with a white crop top with my dark hair in a half up bun style: we were about the same as day and night.
    "hey Jude," Katherine began. I cut her off.
    "Don't say anything."
    "Just let me say one thing."
    "Okay?"
    "You look hot as fuck," Katherine said with a smile.
     I smiled. "Ditto."
  With that, Katherine took her arm in mine (which she knew annoyed me) and pulled me with her to the large line awaiting. I tolerated her playful attitude, and smiled. I was a little high from the blunt we shared in the car, so everything seemed easier and more soft. The neon lights around us weren't as intense, and when we got to the entrance I barely felt the rough hands of the security guards as they patted us down. Everything was numb, and my mouth was dry. I was indescribably baked, and Katherine appeared to be the same with her laughter and swooning smile.
    Katherine and I managed to push ourselves to the front of the crowd, right in front of the stage. Cloud machines gusted puffs of fog that seemed to change color with the lights. I rested my arms on the stage, and smiled lazily. The hype up music, the chattering. It buzzed with excitement. I turned around, accidentally hitting some poor guy in the ribs with my swinging monkey arms. Immediately I dived to apologize.
      "Fuck," I said exasperatedly. "I'm sorry, I'm a little high right now and everything feels like spaghetti."
       The guy turned towards me and smiled. He had shaggy brown curly hair, and dark eyes. The fangs of his teeth were perfectly straight with the rest. "It's fine, but I must ask you, high off of what exactly?"
    I shrugged. "Some really, really good weed. My friend got it. Shit. Wait." I turned around, searching for my bouncy blonde of a best friend. She was not even two feet away from me, talking to a girl with colorful braids and face tattoos. I sighed and with relief and turned to the curly haired boy.
    "I'm Jude, by the way." I introduced myself and went to shake his hand, but he grabbed it and pulled me in for a hug.
     "I'm Nile. Yes, as in the river." He let me know of his name after letting me go out of the hug. I nodded.
   "Your name is nice. It's unique."
  Before he got the chance to respond, the crowd began to scream. There he was, in all his glory. Shirtless, his tattoos seeming to glow with the LEDs. You could see the rim of his boxers over his black jeans. He smiled, and his teeth sparkled with diamonds.
Peep didn't even speak to the ground before diving into 'Benz Truck' , and i wouldn't have asked it any other way. I was yelling my heart out to the lyrics, closing my eyes and taking everything about the situation in. Nile tapped on my shoulder, and motioned to his shoulders. Would I like to sit on his shoulders? Fuck yes. I climbed on his shoulders just in time for 'about u' and it felt like the world stopped just for me. Peep was singing into the mic, running his hand through his blonde hair. His nails were painted, but I couldn't tell what color. Sweat dropped down his neck.
At the point where he locked eyes with me, it felt like the world stopped completely. Everything numbed out. Nothing else mattered. I sang along to his voice, and we held each other's gaze for a few moments. I couldn't breathe. Sadly, the song ended. He still looked at me a moment after he finished, but sadly moved his gaze from me when he began to sing another song. The butterflies in my stomach dropped, and instead i was overtaken with the warmth of embarrassment and humiliation. He wasn't looking at me in any special way, i was just a fan at his concert. Why did I get so choked up?
     Throughout the rest of the concert, I sang my heart out to the lyrics with my eyes switching between closing and to him. I climbed off of Nile's shoulders a while before  he performed the last two songs of the showcase. Nile and Katherine talked during the songs, not quite caring of the music. I was dead in the front, fingers running through the roots of my hair as the last song faded into silence. Everything was quiet for a split second, and then everyone screamed and clapped. I fell into laughter, the biggest grin across my face.
    "Thank you, everyone!" Peep shouted, his smile quite infectious. "You're the best fans anyone could ever ask for! I love you all!" With that, he leaned down the stage to brush his hands with the desperate people reaching up, after turning to the people running the music. His hand brushed mine, and I felt the weight of something else slip through my palm. My chest thudded, and I looked up at him to see a smirk on his face. His eyes were burning into me, before he moved onto the other adoring fans. The pads of my fingers traced the object in my hand. It was a ring, his ring. I'd seen him wear it hundreds of times. After ogling the piece of jewelry for a moment, I looked at him again. He nodded his head back, to where he entered. He wanted me to go backstage.
      After waving off Katherine and Nile, I went to the door that led to the green room. Two bouncers blocked my way, sneering down at me. "I um — I was invited here by..." I silently prayed that Peep would come and rescue me, and suddenly my prayers came true when he pushed himself through the guards.
"oh, baby, it's youuuu," Peep whined playfully. He hooked his arm around the back of my neck and pulled me to him. He smelt like sweat, cologne and weed. I peered behind me quickly, and I saw the shocked faces of Katherine and Nile. A smile pushed its way on my face, and I lifted a peace sign towards them. When I turned my head, I could still see Katherine's wide eyes.
"She's with me guys," Peep said. "Finally made it to one of my shows. God." Peep smiled at me, and then pulled me through the doorway into the Green room. Inside, there was a large bowl full of nugs, and a tray of pre-rolled joints. Big glass bottles of liquor, and half naked girls dancing to bass filled music. In the corner, Tracy and Dylan (smokeasac) were smoking backwoods. They each had a girl on their lap. Even Nicky was there, his dreads tied up and he was pounding shots.
"I don't want to sound rude," I began. I pulled myself away from him. "But why?"
Peep turned around, cocking his eyebrow. "Why what?"
"Why me? Out of all your adoring fans why did you choose me?" I was genuinely curious of that aspect. I was baked as fuck, just feeling the music. And then he chose me. He slipped his ring in my hand. Wait. His ring. As I scrambled through my pocket to retrieve it, he answered.
"Because you stared back at me."
That was surprising, and he could obviously tell by the stunned look on my face. He shrugged before he pulled me about introducing me to his friends. It was weird, I felt like I've been friends with him forever. And everyone welcomed me as if it was so. I shared blunts, passed around shots and popped a xan or two. In the course of the next four hours, I was cross faded as fuck. Luckily, considering it was 3 AM, I texted Katherine before the first hit of a blunt that I would Uber to her house in the AM. I didn't bother looking at her response.
"Boo," Peep whispered. "My dick is hard."
I don't know why his statement didn't cause a huge surprise of effect on me as i thought it would, it was probably the drugs.
"That's great, Peep." I responded, smiling at Nicky when he handed me yet another shot of cinnamon whiskey.
"Ugh," he whined in response. "Don't call me Peep. I'm Gus. Gustav. Your one and only." Gus was possibly more drunk than I was, considering he was resting his cheek on my shoulder and whining like a child. I smiled, and rolled my eyes.
"Sure," I responded. "But I'm not yours. You have other hoes to fuck."
"But right now I wanna fuck you."
I turned to look at him, and he looked at me with a lazy smile on his face. He was so drunk, and I was so drunk, and everything was perfect.
"Then do it."
Gus immediately pushed himself off of the leather couch that was in the green room, and yanked on the crook of my arm to follow. I did, and he lead me to the black car he was driving. We hopped in, and rushed to the hotel room he was staying in. I barely got my second foot into the door when he pulled me in by my waist, picked me up and threw my legs around his hips. We kissed, all tongue and teeth clashing. After he got me into his bed, it was over. I was done with. We went a long night with each other. We couldn't keep our hands off each other, always starting with a nibble at the neck and then ended up fucking in a different position.
It was in the morning, I rolled over to find him next to me in the bed. Instead, I found a note.

'Check your phone'
- Gus

I immediately did what the note said, and turned to my phone. There was a whole screen full of texts, from a contact labeled : 'one & only 🐣💘'

one & only 🐣💘:
good morning, boo.

i had to leave because i have a plane ride to seattle that should have left by the time you see this.

have fun, keep that shit tight for me. ;)

i smiled, rolling back over to find his cologne in the sheets. that was a good way to spend one of my days until i leave the ledge. a good night, indeed.

(☹)
authors note:
hey reader(s), thank you for checking out my book. if you are interested, im updating this book shortly. each chapter will roughly be around this length (& will include gifs/photos). enjoy, leave feedback and votes! I just need to figure out how to put gifs lol!

 enjoy, leave feedback and votes! I just need to figure out how to put gifs lol!

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rest easy hellboy ❤️

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