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the dream happened again. but i wasn't balancing on the edge this time, i was floating in water. the whispy brown hairs that floated about my vision turned into pictures of those i missed. my mother, gus. it was deadly quiet, the sunlight peeled through the blue waves above me like glass. i was at peace. that is, until i felt a hand on mined and turned to face Dead Me. she eyed me with a look of love, and comfort. a small smile was pushed on her face, before she put her finger to her lips and pulled me with her as she began to swim towards the black.

i shot up, sweating and panting. gus wasn't beside me, again. he hadn't been for the past week. the spot that was claimed as his was cold once again. the only thing that offered me comfort was the gentle purr of the cat that my mom had brought to me as a gift. she figured i was lonely, dating such a star who was always on the move. she didn't know how right she was. thimble, the name that arrived with the cat from the shelter, was a patchy grey and white fellow with thick and fluffy fur and mucky yellow eyes. he was perfect, and a sweetheart. i couldn't have a better heater.

i contemplated hopping in the shower but the thought of water made me feel queasy, so i instead took some make up wipes and swabbed my face quickly and eventually got the energy to get dressed in a pair of skinny jeans that had always flattered my legs and ass alike and a dark green sweater. today was the day i was going to meet the parents of Dead Me, and finally get the story that everyone was hiding. when I first messaged them, they were enraged. That's when I sent my photo, and they immediately invited me over to a local café.

As I turned after locking the apartment door, after feeding Thimble and pulling my hair back into a low bun, I was met with the chest of Gus. I looked at him and smiled uneasily. "Hey." I whispered. It was the first time I've talked to him in days.

"Where are you going?" Gus mumbled, hands shoved into his sweatshirt pockets and hood up. I furrowed my eyebrows and reached up to touch his face. Gus let out a hiss of pain, and when I pulled his hood down there was a large purple bruise on his face. I gasped.

"Gus what the fuck?" I asked him. I quickly grabbed the sleeve of his sweatshirt and pulled him closer to me, reaching up and examining the bruise. My thumb brushed gently over it, and for a moment, my eyes caught on Gus's. They seemed to burn into me and I stepped back. "What happened?"

    "A quick brawl. It's nothing serious, really. You should've seen him." A small smile tugged at his lips as he spoke. My heart seemed to clench up in my chest and I couldn't help but smile back.

  "Nonetheless, you shouldn't be doing this to yourself." I turned to unlock the door, and when I did, Gus grabbed me by my hips and swung me around before pressing his lips to mine in a rushed, heated manner. I lost every ounce of air in my lungs as I wrapped my arms around his neck, and hiked my leg up onto his hip and jumped so he could carry me. And that was the end of it. The end of my mind.

I did end up meeting with the girl's parents later that day, claiming that a blown tire was responsible for the rescheduling of our meeting. When I entered the cafe, the smell of roasted coffee and baking goods sent a warm feeling through me. That is, until I saw an older couple curled in chairs together in the corner of the shop, and my body ran cold. As I slowly walked towards them, my heart beat was so loud that the entire shop seemed to shake. The woman, with a head full of frizzy, curly brown hair, stared at me as soon as she heard my footsteps as the charters of the rest of the customers in the shop seemed to melt away. "You.." The woman breathed out that single word before she leapt from her chair and wrapped me in a hug so tight I'm fairly sure some of my brain cells died due to lack of oxygen.

  She smelt of clover soap and daisy perfume, and when I looked behind her, the older gentleman was staring at me too, with tears in his eyes. After a couple minutes the woman let go, with a sniffled 'I'm sorry, you just look so much like her' with glossy eyes. I smiled, and told her: 'I've had worse.' We then sat down, and began to discuss the topic that I wish I had avoided.

Gus had met Julia (the dead me) when they were fifteen, and he fell in love with her from the moment they met. They officially started dating when they were both seventeen, and when Gus's music career started up, Julia was there from day one. But Gus was on the road too long, and after multiple days of no communication, Gus cheated on her. Julia found out, didn't say anything, and continued to support him throughout the rest of their relationship. Julia was found dead in the bath tub on her nineteenth birthday, slits down her forearms. The notes in her journal, kept under her mattress, held words of isolation, insomnia, and fear. After that, Gus wasn't the same.

I listened to this story with tears in my eyes, watching as Julia's Mom broke down in front of me. Her husband held her close, and a familiar ache in my chest caused the following sentence to come out cracked and quiet: "Where was she buried?"

Julia's Mom looked at me with slight surprise, before telling me she was buried at the same graveyard as Jimi Hendrix, in Renton, Washington. Jimi Hendrix was one of her favorite artists. Panic raced through my system, and I felt so nauseous that I felt like I was going to vomit every where. I shakily stood up, hugged them both, and with a soft goodbye, I left the coffee shop with my feet taking me anywhere in the city. Anywhere I could escape.

rest easy hellboy ❤️

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rest easy hellboy ❤️

crash. | lil peep |Read this story for FREE!