"I remember my life in fragments."
Jensen Parker, one of the most famous young musicians in the world, fell in love with Ellie Longo, a normal girl with an adorable crooked smile that Jensen just couldn't ignore. After four years of being together...
"I'm sor-" I winced again and shook my head to correct myself, "Jensen. I'm Jensen."
"Ellie." She gently reached her pale hand out to shake mine, but as I reached in response a couple of the books I had gathered began to slip out of my grasp. She released a small chuckle while reaching quickly to catch the books. I felt my face begin to flush and my heart begin to pound after feeling how close she had gotten to me. She seemed completely unbothered. She gracefully stood up as I stumbled to my feet, and began to feel my knees grow weak. "So what – or who – were you hiding from?"
It had occurred to me that she might not have known who I was, so I searched for a different excuse as to why I was hiding in a library. I didn't want to come off as arrogant or conceited or full of myself and if I had told her the truth I was afraid that's exactly how I would have sounded. "My uh-brother and I were in the middle of an intense game of hide and seek." I internally groaned, knowing that my pretend excuse wasn't any better than telling her the truth.
Ellie nodded slowly and smiled at me, "Well what's he look like? I could scout out the library to see if he's close by."
"Uh no. I mean that's okay. I don't think he followed me in." If I were a cartoon, I know I would've been covered in those exaggerated beads of sweat. There was a pause between us and I knew neither one of us knew exactly what to say.
She gestured to the book I was still holding and suggested she should probably get back to work. I reluctantly handed it over as she said, "It was nice to meet you, Jensen. I hope you win your game of hide and seek."
I stood frozen, unsure of what to do. I didn't want that to be it. I didn't want her to go. "Uh," my voice felt panicked and shaky and I was unsure if I wanted to speak up or not, "I mean I should probably hang out here for a little bit. Just to be safe." Ellie turned to me with a smile and I knew instantly that I had made the right decision.
I stayed for hours, not even realizing the time that had passed, and stuck by Ellie's side for every second of it. At one point I even assisted her in re-shelving books and she educated me on the Dewey Decimal System. She apologized after getting carried away, but I didn't mind. I could've listened to her for days on end and never have gotten tired of hearing her voice.
I don't remember every little thing we talked about that day. I remember laughing a lot. I also remember being shushed by the librarian a lot – which only made us laugh more. I remember being instantly taken by Ellie. She was sweet and charming and witty. She was also stunning to me. I can't begin to accurately describe her because I know that any way I do is biased. I thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world, and to me she was. I think that's all that ever mattered. I never cared much for appearances, but I did love to stare at her. Even that first day I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was simple and goofy and was unapologetically herself from the beginning.
She was never afraid to be herself. Meanwhile, I was making a living off of appearances and hiding half of who I was to the public. I never hid anything big. I was open from the start about my sexuality – something I think fans connected with. Most of my fan base happens to be people who identify (or is close to someone who identifies) as some form of queer community. So I was grateful to be honest about that part of myself. However, I never posted anything about romantic interests of mine. To be fair, at that point I didn't really have many. At least, I was never interested in anyone for too long.
I don't know why that was. Perhaps it's because a part of me was always waiting for Ellie. It could be that I never felt anything until her. Then I felt everything. Until Ellie, I didn't ever believe I could find romantic love. Ironic considering some of my most popular songs were about love. At the time I would write love songs about what I wanted to feel, not anything that I had already felt. Once I met Ellie that changed. Every song that I had written out of hope or some crazy fantasy suddenly became about her. There were songs that had a meaning after she walked into my life. And after her, I couldn't stop writing. Everything she did and everything I felt, I wanted to document it all. Even now, I know the majority of what I think about and what I write is her. And it all started that first day.
I never wanted to leave that library. I never wanted to stop speaking to her. I felt a need to be around her. Like if I turned away or I blinked for too long, she would be gone and I would feel a part of me was missing. I felt everything so strongly as soon as I met her, and all I wanted to do was be with her. I wanted to be next to her - to experience her just a little more.
At one point day, she had asked me if my brother was getting worried about me and I had slipped up, completely forgetting the lie I had strung myself into. Thankfully, she understood once I came clean – mostly – about wanting a quiet place to myself in order to catch my breath. I don't remember what made me leave that day. Maybe it was a call from one of the band members or my manager or maybe it was Ellie who had to leave first. I couldn't tell you all the details of why we had to say goodbye, but I do remember finally telling her that I was a musician and asking her to come to the concert.
She was reluctant at first, so I told her that there was no pressure at all, but I would leave two tickets and backstage passes under her name at the venue's will call. She never agreed that day to go, but she did say that she would think about it. I know that I wouldn't have let her go that easily. I didn't manage to get her number, but I prayed to every higher power that she would show up that next night. I was terrified of what Ellie was going to think when she found out. I remember calling Kaiden that night and him being worried that she was lying to me the entire time and knew exactly who I was. My heart sank at the thought, but deep down I knew that I wasn't going to regret meeting her.
I vividly remember lying awake that night thinking about her. I knew nothing else was ever going to matter as much as her. I convinced myself I was feeling too much - looking back I know nothing I felt could ever be enough.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Chapter song: "Satellite" by Mayday Parade
So it just started, but how are you liking Jensen and Ellie's story so far?
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