UNSTEADY .. n

31

After that day in the basement chambers, Amelia had been weak.

She knew she was weak, and that was the final straw. It was the proof she needed to know that the wall of power she had so desperately tried to climb was nothing but a mirage. Amelia was just a girl ripped from innocence before she could even go to college. There wasnt a place for innocence here, not in the Sanctuary.

Amelia found herself being more tolerant of Negan after he had bashed David's head in. It wasn't a feeling of gratitude, but more so a crutch for herself. This person had done nothing but defend her, and maybe he could be used as a distraction from the things that scared her most--- her own doubt.

There was a two-day period where he was gone from the Sanctuary. Amelia was left laying on his couch most of the time, playing different records and humming to melodies of lyrics she didn't know. She had done all she could to avoid Sean. He hadn't been seen much inside the main living quarters, and Amelia was thankful for that. She didnt know if she had it in her to tell him what had happened, especially since there had been so much they hadn't said the last time they spoke.

A part of her craved his embrace again. He was warm and kind, and he understood her. He was a piece of home that Amelia could keep for her own while at the Sanctuary. Nothing was holding him down. Maybe, she thought, she could bring him back to Alexandria when this was all over.

Alexandria.

It was a place she had tried not to think about much as the weeks passed. Besides the one bit of contact at the start of her residency at the Sanctuary, Amelia hadnt seen anyone from her group. Besides Eugene, of course. But as far as she was concerned, he was a traiting coward.

When Negan had returned from his surprise disappearance, he seemed normal. Amelia had asked where he had gone, and he said it was a meeting for partnership. Nothing struck a chord with the girl, it was something the Saviors did regularly. Expansion was a priority, she wasnt new to the idea. But what she didnt know was that Negan wasnt telling the truth. Not the full truth, anyway.

Life seemed to become next-to-normal. Amelia continued listening to her records, and Negan would do paperwork in his office. The two shared small talk on some occasions, but rarely would it last more than a few sentences each. Neither minded it. The silence wasnt uncomfortable or tension-filled like it had been in the past. Now, it was soft. It was a comfortable kind of silence.

But one afternoon, Amelia did find herself growing tiresome of resinging Jailhouse Rock and instead felt a pull towards a nap on the couch opposing Negan's desk. He glanced up at her over the brim of the report he was reading.

"Tired?" He asked. The girl's legs were slung over the couch lazily. She nodded. The corner of Negan's lip turned up slightly, he shook his head. "Me too." He put the paper down, folding his arms and looking at the girl. She looked right back at him, a casual and calm expression making itself present upon her face. For once, she didnt look turmoil-ridden. "Sleepin' s'not for the wicked, i s'ppose." He sighed. Amelia only watched him. Negan leaned back in his seat. He smiled again.

"What?" Amelia asked. Negan shrugged after a moment.

"You are just somthin' else." He said, never taking his eyes off hers. The girl gave a soft smile in return, turning on her side so that she was facing him better. Usually, the moments shared with Negan made her fingers curl with rage and frustration, but the numbness that came with the dread of existence softened the harsh edges of the relationship between her and Negan, allowing things to float in a space where Amelia felt wasnt even real at all. None of it mattered anyway, so why be angry? Every last one of the bodies behind the heavily guarded gates of the Sanctuary would die at some point. It wasnt a race, everyone faced the same end to the same story. Was there truly a point to the anguish?

"I've appreciated your company these past few days, flower." Negan commented. "I always knew there was somethin' special about you. Knew if from the moment I saw you, the night I confronted Rick and your men." He said. Amelia felt her stomach twist at the mention of that night, but her exterior never faltered. "You know I thought, at first, of you as a protege, like the daughter I never had. You were strong, but sweet. But I knew as time went on, and you got stronger with your ambition, you were a lot more than that. And I felt conflicted. But I know now, more than anything, I feel pride. Because you're one badass bitch that the people in this place are growing to respect." He admitted. Amelia chewed on the inside of her lip, not entirely sure where the rant had come from. "You'd make one hell of a queen." The man added. Amelia glanced at him quickly, watching him chuckle at the implication. "I'm tellin' you, the other wives are gettin' jealous of you and me, babe." He joked. Amelia sat up, her mousy brown waves sprawling over her shoulders.

"Well you can tell them that they should have threatened you first." She played along, the ghost of a smile playing at her lips. Negan watched her face, his infatuation taking it in.

God, this girl was beautiful.

He stood up, walking over to where she was, and sat on the coffee table in front of her. "I hate to ruin all of this, flower, but there's somethin' I did want to talk to you about." Negan's tone started to shift of one that had a twinge of warning in it. It was odd, different from the calmness surrounding the room the previous few days. It caused Amelia's limbs to begin to tense, slowly. "It's about Alexandria." He started. Amelia's throat clenched, a scream scratching at her neck, aching to break loose from the calm at the mention of her home and the wrecklessness of the world outside these walls.

"What is it?" She asked tentatively, still calm. Negan sighed, not sure how to start.

"I received word a few days ago that there was an attack." He explained. Amelia felt the prickling of tears as they sprung into her eyes. She was still calm. "Someone broke one of the walls and let walkers in." He said. The girl in front of him clasped her hands tightly in her lap, watching his face intently for any sign of hope, any sign letting her know that things were fine. "We don't know what group did it, but whoever it was, caused a lot of damage."

Negan was lying through his teeth.

"What?" Amelia asked breathlessly. The air keeping her lungs steady was suddenly released, forcing her to try and grasp at the air surrounding her, but nothing would stay in.

"I had some boys go on and pick up some supplies the other day, but when the truck got there, they said the streets were overrun." His sincerity was utter bullshit, but she believed him. He was a good liar, and had gotten that way from the empty promises he had given to his people. "I was afraid to tell you, I know how much you live your people. They have value to me too, they're hard workers, most of 'em anyway." He placed a reassuring hand onto Amelia's, trying to calm the girl who was beginning to work herself up.

"W-Were there casualties?" She asked, trying to keep her eyes from dripping anymore. Negan hung his head.

"Plenty, I'm sure." Amelia shuddered, crouching her shoulders down as she cried. Negan ran his hands over her shoulders. "Hey now, it's okay. You're safe here with us. The people that got out are safe too. Don't go worrying yourself over it." He tried to assure her. Amelia couldn't help but feel an overwhelming amount of guilt. She hadn't been there, she would have been able to help fend off the town. But instead, she was at the Sanctuary.

It was bullshit.

"You're okay. Shh, honey I know." Negan pulled the girl onto his lap, petting her hair as she tucked her head under his chin. "It'll be okay, flower." He reassured the girl.

Just then, a knock sounded at the door.

"Kinda busy!" Negan shouted. A muffled voice replied:

"Sir, it's an emergency."

Negan rolled his eyes, growling under his breath.

"Well, what is it?" He yelled back.

"There's been an attempted attack on the South gate."