Falling out of Order

Chapter 3

Luka did regret it as well though. He both regretted it and didn't regret it, which made his mind at conflict with itself. But he had to keep telling himself that it was worth it for his brother. But with his brother saying so lowly to him about how he didn't remember him being so negative, made Luka want to go burry himself alive. He cringed, raking his hand over his face when holding his feelings back as well as he could.

"I guess that's just the new me." He shot back with a pathetic shrug. "I told you, Mako... I'm not the same man you once knew.... I'm sorry." His voice returned to being quiet and fragile as he looked away from his brother.

Mako was confused and annoyed by Luka's outburst. Mako had a short fuse but he held back from lashing out. His brother was bruised enough already. What the hell did he mean by 'so much Mako didn't know'? But then Luka said he couldn't talk about it. Mako didn't understand. But once again, he decided not to push him. When Luka got all weak and fragile again, apologising to him, Mako didn't know how to act. Should he beat Luka out of it, or hug him? Mako couldn't do either. He just found it difficult to be in close contact with people. To show love and affection. He couldn't even say 'I love you' anymore, like he used to say to Luka all the time as a child. But he wanted to change that, which was why he was trying

"I'm telling you that we were going to fix this, so listen to me and believe it," Mako lightly pushed his brother's shoulder. Mako wasn't usually the positive type these days, but he wanted his brother to lighten up.

Hearing Mako's next choice of words caused Luka's eyes to flicker back up to the other, releasing a long, stressful sigh. Luka recalled the time when they were young boys, it was after they were branded that his little brother spoke firmly to him that even if he's small, he would still look out for his old brother. He couldn't recall the finest details of that memory, but he could remember the spirit his brother had and still seems to have till this day. How can he not believe his brother, though? No matter how much Luka knew that he couldn't be fixed, he couldn't shoot down his brother's determination. Mako wouldn't deserve that.

"Glad to see that you still have that fire within you. But.... Try not to waste your time on it.... I'm afraid some things just can't be fixed." He hated himself saying that, but he couldn't help but think that, but he wouldn't stop his brother from trying. "But I know there's no stopping you." Luka scoffed sadly.

When Luka went on to diss his optimism and say that some things couldn't be fixed, Mako almost reached his breaking point. But then Luka added more.

"Damn right there's no stopping me," Mako muttered in agreement. "Let's just go home. How far is your place from here?" Mako asked him as he rubbed away the last of his tears with the back of his hand. "Mine isn't anywhere close."

Luka's eyes were beginning to become distraught when his brother mentioned of going to his place. Luka was too embarrassed of Mako seeing where he lived, how much of a rundown dump it was. The inside had barely any furniture besides a torn, filthy couch and a lumpy bed. The fridge had a few water bottles in it at least, while also a box of snack bars he kept on top of the fridge as his form of meals, that and instant oatmeal and baked beans. He wasn't made of money, but sometimes his 'boss' would feed him good meals. The mould and mildew smell his tiny apartment had was awful and Luka didn't want Mako to see it. The windows are also covered with newspapers, mostly due to his PTSD. Luka really didn't have a choice though now, when it seemed he couldn't talk his way out of having his brother coming over. In the back of his mind he wondered how long Mako had been there in London, but a part of him didn't want to know.

"Uh-" Luka scurried around in his mind for where he lived, forgetting, after his attention had been so focused on having his brother back in his life. "It's....not far. Just a few more blocks that way."