Baby Blues

32. The Talk

I vaguely remembered being happy when my grandparents told me that I was going to live with my parents since I only got to see them during holidays.

"Everything was going good for a while until I felt like I wanted to have another child. Your Father wasn't for the idea saying we had enough on our plate which didn't make sense to me since everything was going great. It wasn't until later that I found out that he" she choked "I'm sorry"

"It's ok"

She cleared her throat "I found out that he had a child with someone else. I confronted him about it and he told me that he met someone in college and she got pregnant. He told me that he loved her. I was heartbroken because I loved him and I thought that he was going to leave me for her but he never did. I had hope that since he didn't then we would be ok but then he had all these trips that didn't make sense to me. I found out that he had been going to see her and he defended himself saying that he couldn't abandon his other child so I let the issue go"

My Mothers eyes were now red with unshed tears, tears that she didn't let fall so that I wouldn't see just how much my Father had hurt her. Hell I could feel myself on the brink but I knew that if I started crying then she would so I held them back

"It wasn't until later that his behaviour around me changed. We started having arguments and one night we had a heated one and he told me that he wanted a divorce. I told him that I wanted us to go to counselling but he refused saying that it wouldn't change a thing. He told me that Charlotte... the woman you met yesterday was pregnant with their second child"

This time she failed to hold back the tears. She kept apologising for crying but I couldn't say anything for fear of crying and making everything worse. She had nothing to be sorry for, my Father on the other hand had a lot. He refused to give my Mother a child but he went ahead and made another woman pregnant... twice

"I'm sorry" she sniffed wiping her tears

"It's ok Mom"

"I got mad and the argument got worse. He told me that he was sorry and didn't mean to hurt me but that he was leaving me for her" she sighed "He left the house while I remained crying on the floor. I waited for him to come back home so that we could talk but... I got a call saying that he was involved in an accident. He was on his way home from a bar but he had a little too much to drink. He died at the hospital"

We stayed silent for a while and at this point I let the tears freely fall. I felt hurt by my father's actions. Growing up I thought he was the perfect man but now I realised that he had so many flaws. My Father's life wasn't as happy as I thought it was. There was so much sadness behind those eyes. My Mother loved him but he loved someone else

"Don't cry my baby"

"How can I not Mom? I just found out that the Father wasn't happy living with us and that he loved someone else"

"He loved you sweetheart"

"Apparently not enough for him to stay. I mean he started a life with someone else mom and he was going to leave us. What did he plan to do then? Have me go over and visit during the holidays? Or better yet I would end up growing up without him while he lived happily with his new wife and kids. I guess it wouldn't have made a difference if he lived or died, the outcome would have been the same."

"Don't you dare dishonour your Father" she said angrily

"I'm not dishonouring him. I'm just saying that I would have grown up without a Father either way"

"You should be thanking your lucky stars that we're not in the same room right now or I would hit you so hard you would come back to your senses. We may have had our problems but your Father loved you and he would have done whatever it took to be a part of your life"

I sniffed and wiped the tears on my face. I knew she was right but it didn't lessen the hurt I felt. Charlotte seemed like a decent woman, I just couldn't fathom how she could do something like this. Didn't she know that he was married?

"Did Charlotte know that he was married?"

She nodded "I've never really spoke to her. She came for the funeral and she tried to talk to me but I wouldn't hear it, all I could see was the woman that came between your Father and I. After a while I came to terms with the fact that we had an unplanned pregnancy at a very young age and got married because of it, sometimes I don't blame him for falling in love with someone else. I'm not saying it was right for him to cheat but I don't blame him too much for it. I've somehow come to terms with it. You should get to know your sisters"

"You would be ok with that?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" she smiled

"I wish things had happened differently for you guys, then maybe you wouldn't have had to end up in a marriage at such a young age"

She frowned "I don't want you to ever think that he loved you any less. Every memory you made together was real and all his actions towards you were honest. He may have made mistakes, hell we both made mistakes but you were never and will never be one of them. I love you my baby"

"I love you too Mummy"

"Talk to you later?"

"Definitely"

"Yeah because Stephen will probably come up to check on me anytime now"

We both laughed "Greet him for me"

"I will" she blew me a kiss and the screen went black leaving me with my thoughts.

Everything just felt disoriented and wrong. I needed someone to talk to and since I was supposedly mad at Kevin, I didn't want to talk to him.

I decided to talk to Hannah. I wasn't sure if she was home but that was confirmed as soon as I checked her room. I decided to call her so that we could meet up somewhere and have a muffin or something.

Her phone rang a couple of times before she picked up

"Hey babe"

"Hey"

I could hear Richards muffled voice in the background. If anything he sounded like he was complaining about the interruption

"Are you busy" I asked even though it did sound like she had been before I called

"Yes" Richard yelled from the other end

"Shut it Richard" Hannah scolded him "Ignore him babe. So what's up?"

"You never bother her when she is with Kevin" Richard commented not loudly but just enough for me to hear

"Richard!" Hannah exclaimed

"What, it's true" he mumbled something before he yelled "Cock blocker"

On a normal day I would have probably returned his comment with one of my own but as today would have it I found myself not in the mood. With everything going on at the moment I did not feel like exchanging words with him

"You know what asshole, the term only applies when you actually have one and actually know how to use it"

"The fuck-"

I cut the call before he could finish his sentence. I knew he didn't mean anything by it but I would make it up to him later

The phone started to ring again but I didn't pick up, not if it would involve Richard bitching about what I said to him.

I lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. I did not feel like being in doors alone and hanging out with my friends was definitely out. After thinking about what the best way forward would be Drake popped into my mind. Before I could think anything of it I called him

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Until next time... 😚😙😘 mwaah

❤livi