It's been so long since I just sat down and wrote.
Not following a form.
Not trying to rhyme my way through my thoughts.
Just writing.
With no abandon.
I'm concerned still. About the fact that things are okay. I almost don't want them to be.
But then, that's a mental load that I don't want to have to carry.
I'm okay, and after two days of long bus rides, I've realized something.
I don't blame her.
Not for anything in the past year, at least.
I don't blame her for how I reacted.
But I also don't blame myself.
It's not my fault that the experience was entirely new to me.
It's not my fault that in order to really let myself heal I needed to stay away.
I still do, but that's okay.
So that's my spill.
-R
