Breaking The Bad Boy Myth

Chapter 8: ER

I was waiting in a room for my doctor to return, staring at the stitches I'd been given. Who knew tiny little staples could do such grave damage. My sisters had been called, a situation I couldn't reverse if I tried. Mostly, I just wanted no one else to know that I, Kellan Stevenson, had been attacked by a five foot three blonde with a stapler. I heard a knock on the door and expected to see some white coat emerge, but instead, Kelly walked in with a worried frown.

"Kellan," she said. "Oh my god, I can't believe her."

"What do you mean," I said. "The staple gun malfunctioned. It was an accident. Britney didn't do this. As if I'd let some tiny little woman beat on me."

"Uh huh," Kelly smirked. "God, men and their pride... You should get over it and press charges. She'd get fired."

"I want to win honestly, no cheating." I said. "Last time I tried to be dishonest, my hand got stapled."

"What did you do?" Kelly asked, sitting down.

"I flirted, like you said, trying to play mind games. The next thing I knew, she was all over me. Kelly, the woman practically offered to let me fuck her on the copy machine, and I am not going to lie, I was tempted."

"You hate Britney," Kelly said, her voice mildly annoyed.

"I know," I said. "And I am not that kind of guy, so I pushed her off and told her I was using her. Then she flips out and attacks me. Jesus, I think she is a sociopath."

"You've never dated a girl like Britney before," Kelly claimed. "Pretty, dramatic, high maintenance."

"I have," I said. "And just like this time, I wound up in the hospital."

"Well, hopefully tonight goes better with Sasha."

"Oh shit," I said. "How do I explain this situation to her?"

Kelly just laughed as she shrugged and seemed to enjoy my misery.

"Kelly, it's not funny," I said. "I am in pain here, and Britney is probably making literary gold with that Jonas creep."

"Oh no," Kelly said. "You don't... you don't like Britney do you?"

"No," I said quickly. "And I don't have a thing for Sasha either. Jesus, you sound like my sister."

"So what," Kelly said. "Are you gay?"

"Do you really want to know, Kelly?"

"If my partner in crime is gay, I think I should know. I mean, we're friends, right?"

"Right," I said. "I'm definitely not gay, and I am definitely not into Britney. I like you, Kelly, and it's ridiculous. I mean, hell, I think I am into Patrick and I've met him once. But still, you would be my first choice if you were available. I don't really care to settle for less."

"Kellan," she said her voice soft. Did she assume I was joking all of those time I shamelessly hit on her.

"If I wasn't with Patrick, then maybe..."

"Don't do that," I said. 'Don't give me the pity 'I'd so date you if I could' line. You can't, and you won't, and it's fine. We can just pretend I didn't say a word because that's how we stay friends."

"But Kellan," she said. "It's not that I don't care about you. I know we just met, but if I am being honest..."

She started to explain, but the door swung open. All three sisters, Reese, Danica, and Lynn, came piling into the room.

"Kellan!" Reese cried as if I was broken. "Are you ok, what happened?"

"Stapler malfunction," I muttered. "It's stupid, really."

"Let me see," Reese ordered, as if she could do better than the doctors.

Danica and Lynn stood back idly, waving at me subtly. Danica pointed at Kelly and mouthed the words "who is she? She's cute!"

"Kelly," I said to my friend. "These are my crazy, overprotective, overzealous sisters. Meet Reese, Danica, and Lynn. Ladies, this is my friend Kelly."

"Hi," they all said in unison.

"I guess you weren't kidding when you said you had three sisters." Kelly laughed.

"Bro, what are you wearing?" Danica asked. "I mean, you look good, but it's a little different. I just bought you a gift card to that t-shirt website, Woot. Will you still want it?"

"Yes," I said. "I'm surprised you didn't hear all about it from Reese."

"You've been talking to Reese," Lynn cried. "But you dodge my calls."

"I'm a better listener," Reese explained. "Besides, you would have already told Kelly his secrets by now."

"No," Lynn pouted.

"Wow," Kelly said. "It's a bit crowded in here. Maybe I should go."

"Wait," I said. "What about Sasha. What do I tell her?"

I raised up my busted up hand with a quizzical glance.

"Who is Sasha," Danica asked.

"Tell her you don't want to talk about it," Kelly said to me. "Tell her that it was no big deal, and remember to brood. Otherwise, you are to be subtly sweet tonight. We need to hook the fish."

"Sasha is a fish," Danica replied.

"This is exactly why he calls me," Reese laughed.

"Good luck, Kellan," Kelly said. "I have a feeling you'll need it."

Kelly walked out of the room, leaving me with my sisters. I shook my head and laughed.

"So," Reese said. "You're going out with Sasha tonight, huh?"

"I am," I replied. "I am sure you're excited about that."

"I don't know," Reese replied. "I think Kelly might like you."

"No," I said. "I need to focus anyways, and stop flirting with coworkers..."

"Coworkers, as in more than one," Danica asked.

"No," I said. "Just the one, but still." I'm a good liar.

"Uh huh," Reese replied. "Because staplers usually malfunction. I mean, it's not like some disgruntled woman stabbed you with a staple gun, right brother."

"That would be totally ridiculous," I said.

I tried taking a deep breath and thinking of other things. Mostly though, I thought I needed a day free from all the crazy women in my life.